Goalkeeper: Tim Howard
When we heard that Manchester United were signing a keeper with Tourette's, F365's headline was 'United Sign Another F***ing Keeper'. Disappointingly, it turned out not to be that kind of Tourette's, and Howard has caught attention because of his goalkeeping rather than sweariness. People remember his spell at Man United as a poor one, and yet he was voted the best goalkeeper of the 2003/04 season by his fellow footballers and a lack of confidence only set in the following season. He's certainly regained that confidence at Everton, where he has made barely a handful of errors in four seasons.
Right-Back: Aaron Hughes
In ahead of Tony Hibbert and Gunnar Halle is a player for whom the word 'solid' might have been invented. Has played over 300 Premier League games for three clubs without ever really pulling up any trees, and even now is playing second fiddle to Brede Hangeland at Fulham despite being in the form of his life at centre-half. But makes this team ahead of his teammate by virtue of his versatility.
Centre-Half: Colin Hendry
Hard as nails and possibly the most Scottish-looking man in the world, Hendry was phenomenal for Blackburn for six Premier League seasons that reaped an unexpected title win. Chris Sutton and Alan Shearer may have got all the glory but Hendry was an immoveable object in that 1994/95 season as Rovers boasted a spine of Flowers, Hendry, Sherwood and Shearer. Unfortunately, he was past his best when he returned to the Premier League with Coventry and then Bolton, but that spell with Blackburn puts him in this team despite the strong case for Stephane Henchoz.
Centre-Half: Sami Hyypia
"He's got to be up there with the best signings the club has ever made," said Ian Rush about the Finnish defender who joined Liverpool for just £2.6m in 1999 and gave the Reds ten years and over 300 Premier League games, as well as helping them win two FA Cups, two League Cups, a UEFA Cup and the small matter of the Champions League. Formed partnerships with first Henchoz and then Jamie Carragher that showcased Hyypia's talents as a commanding and yet oddly graceful centre-half. He will be much missed.
Left-Back: Gabriel Heinze
The cries of 'Argen-ti-na' at Old Trafford were heard long before the arrival of Carlos Tevez when Heinze enjoyed a fantastic 2004/05 season, United finally signing their first decent left-back since Denis Irwin. Injury and the forced signing of Patrice Evra cut his United career short and he left for Real Madrid three years after he arrived at Old Trafford, armed with a Premier League winner's medal that puts him ahead of Ian Harte in out H list.
Central Midfield: Dietmar Hamann
When Didi Hamann came off the bench for Steve Finnan during half-time of the 2005 Champions League final, it looked like a bewildering substitution. It proved to be a masterstroke. Hamann will always be remembered for his performance that night but that was just one of over 300 appearances for Liverpool in seven seasons with the Reds during which he won everything but the league and barely put a foot wrong. Enjoyed an Indian summer with Manchester City under Sven-Goran Eriksson but now finds himself without a club - though he's probably been busy so far this summer as one of the few Germans with a keen interest in cricket.
Central Midfield: Mark Hughes
Yes, we know he was primarily a striker but there were bugger all midfielders (we refuse to put Tom Huddlestone in any Premier League XI except one which features the word 'massive') and quite a few decent strikers. And Hughes did drop into the midfield to good effect for Southampton towards the end of his career. But he did enjoy his most productive season in the first year of the Premier League in 1992/93 when he scored 15 goals and won the first of two league titles before moving to Chelsea to win another handful of medals. Never one to shirk a challenge, we had to find room for Sparky somewhere.
Central Midfield: Thomas Hitzlsperger
Boy, this lad could hit a football - earning him the nickname of 'der Hammer' for his left-foot thunderbolts that could carry a keeper into the goal if he was daft enough to try and catch rather than parry. A real Villa favourite, Hitzlsperger enjoyed a five-year spell in the Midlands that left him with a curious Brummie-German accent. Often linked back to the Premier League, we would welcome him, his left foot and his accent back with open arms.
Striker: Thierry Henry
Magnificently stroppy but wonderful to watch in his pomp, Henry was one of the few players who we can honestly say has 'graced' the Premier League. Little was known of him when he joined Arsenal in 1999 and eight goalless games later there was plenty talk about £10m wasted on a player ill-prepared for the rigours of the English game. Henry answered those questions in some style - 174 Premier League goals in eight seasons, two Premier League titles, four Premier League Golden Boots, two PFA Players' Player of the Year accolades. Quite simply, he could be utterly breathtaking and the English game is poorer for his eventual exit.
Striker: Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink
Never has anybody hit the ball so well with so little backlift - it's a knack that has earned Hasselbaink so many goals against defenders who simply didn't realise he was going to shoot until it was in the back of the net. Before joining a poor Charlton side in 2006, the Dutchman had a strike record of almost one in two over eight seasons for Leeds, Chelsea and Middlesbrough. His frankly miserable face means that he was never likely to be much-loved away from Stamford Bridge, but his goals record is evidence of a very effective player.
Striker: Emile Heskey
Lazy and ignorant 'fans' of football dismiss Heskey along with the likes of Dirk Kuyt, but the Leicester-born man mountain has been a mainstay in the Premier League for 13 seasons because managers and players love him much more than fans ever will. Never better than in that 2000-01 Plastic Treble season for Liverpool, he is still valuable to Villa at the age of 31 when his days of 23-goal seasons are way, way behind him. If you don't believe us, ask Fabio Capello.
Sarah Winterburn
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