An extensive list of things that annoy Roy Keane

Date published: Friday 13th October 2017 11:30

Inspired by the great man’s intense hatred of poor full-backs. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of Roy Keane, read this.

 

Blue (NOT the boyband)
“I don’t like f*****’ blue. City were blue. Rangers were blue. My biggest rivals were blue. Is that childish? I couldn’t feel it – the chemistry.”

 

Budweiser adverts (and Robbie Savage)
“It went to his voicemail: ‘Hi, it’s Robbie – whazzup!’ like the Budweiser ad. I never called him back. I thought: ‘I can’t be f****** signing that.'”

 

Writing a column for The Sun
“I did it for a while – for The Sun. Again, I was being told, ‘It’s easy money’. I gave it a go, but I ran out of steam. I hated it. Every Friday or Saturday, I’d be down the phone to a journalist giving my verdict on everything. There has to be a point when you honestly say ‘I’ve no opinion on that.'”

 

ABBA
“What really worried me was that none of the players – not one – said: ‘Get that s*** off.’ They were going out to play a match, men versus men, testosterone levels were high. You’ve got to hit people at pace. F******’ ‘Dancing Queen.’ It worried me. I didn’t have as many leaders as I thought.”

 

Talking to people
“The idea of travelling to the matches and meeting people for a cup of tea at half-time. Let me tell you that doesn’t rock my boat. Sometimes when you go to these grounds you can’t even get a decent cup of tea and make a lot of small talk with people you don’t want to have small talk with. You bump into lots of idiots on your travels so don’t be kidded that it’s all glamorous.”

 

Working as a pundit
“It’s an easy gig. I don’t like easy gigs. When I heard: ‘I liked your commentary last night’. I knew I was only talking bulls*** like the rest of them. Hopefully my bulls*** was a bit better. I wanted to do something that excited me. TV work didn’t excite me.”

 

The Class of 92 concept
“The Class of ’92 – all good players but their role at the club has been exaggerated. The Class of ’92 seems to have grown its own legs. It has become a brand. It’s as if they were a team away from a team and they are not shy of plugging in to it.”

 

American owners
“It’s particularly the Americans. They seem to love a coach who’s got the whistle around his neck, a clipboard and a tan, and really white teeth. That gives you a chance.”

 

Brothers embracing each other
“The boy, Pogba, he’s a bit of a free spirit, a bit of a character. But I think it was a little bit over the top tonight – before the game and at half-time. They’ve spoke more tonight than I have to any of my brothers in the last five years. All this stuff before and after the game. It’s a lot of nonsense – but that’s the modern player, I’m afraid.”

 

Manchester United’s home fans
“Our fans away from home are as good as any, but some of them come here and you have to wonder do they understand the game of football? I don’t think some of the people who come to Old Trafford can spell football, never mind understand it.”

 

Mick McCarthy
“Who the f*** do you think you are, having meetings about me? Mick, you’re a liar…you’re a f***ing w**ker. I didn’t rate you as a player, I don’t rate you as a manager, and I don’t rate you as a person. You’re a f***ing w**ker and you can stick your World Cup up your arse. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are the manager of my country! You can stick it up your bollix.”

 

Alf-Inge Haaland
“I’d waited long enough. I f***ing hit him hard. The ball was there, I think. Take that you c***. And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries. Even in the dressing room afterwards, I had no remorse. My attitude was, f*** him. What goes around comes around. He got his just rewards. He f***ed me over and my attitude is an eye for an eye.”

 

Rio Ferdinand
“Just because you are paid £120,000 a week and play well for 20 minutes against Tottenham, you think you are a superstar.”

 

Players he doesn’t rate having heart attacks
“On a night we got beaten in the cup by Luton, the staff came in and said, ‘Clive Clarke has had a heart attack at Leicester’.”I said, ‘Is he OK? I’m shocked they found one, you could never tell by the way he plays’.”

 

Television pundits
“Will those on telly yesterday be remembered for what they’ve achieved? None whatsoever. I wouldn’t trust them to walk my dog. There are ex-players and ex-referees being given air-time who I wouldn’t listen to in a pub.”

 

Players who enjoy an equal relationship with their partner
“If they don’t want to come because their wife wants to go shopping in London, it’s a sad state of affairs. To me, that player is weak because his wife runs his life.”

 

Pablo Counago
“Pablo Couñago was a player I didn’t particularly like or get on with. No club was interested in taking him – and I was happy to tell him that. I just found him dead lazy. He went: ‘How are we going to win anything with you as manager?’ I nearly physically attacked him – but I didn’t.”

 

Paul Scholes, humble hero
“Paul Scholes was a top, top player. But I still don’t fall for the boy-next-door image, or that he’s dead humble. He has more of an edge to him. Everyone thinks he lives in a council flat.”

 

Diving
“Before the game there was all this stuff about anti-bullying and anti-racism. It would be a good idea to start wearing wristbands for anti-diving.”

 

Dwight Yorke, a clown
“Yorkie has officially retired about 5 times… The man’s a clown… People are going on about the game and agents and directors of football and managers losing their jobs, but we should be worried about people like him… Clowns. That’s the last time I’m going to say clown.”

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