Degsy was impressed by Swansea’s performance last weekend (in penii terms), but is backing Chelsea to improve at City. Plus Arsenal will come back stronger…
Aston Villa v Manchester United
The weekend shenanigans kick off at Villa Park where the hosts look to record their first Premier League win since August 1995 against The Red Devils. That was the fateful day Alan Hansen trotted out his infamous “You cannae win anything with kids” line. How wrong you were Alan. Indeed just last week my seven-year-old nephew won a goldfish after a Herculean effort on the coconut shy at our local carnival. The fish – Mr Booby – has since passed away. But you get my point. Neither side looked overly convincing in week one and that’s why I think both teams to score here looks rock solid.
Betting: Both teams to score at 11/10 (BetVictor)
Southampton v Everton
Both of these teams recorded draws on the opening weekend (Desmond’s no less) but this reeks of a home win to me. Everton’s record on the south coast has been awful in recent times and in Graziano Pelle the Saints have a front man bang in form.
Betting: Southampton to score 2+ goals at 23/20 (Coral)
Sunderland v Norwich City
The Black Cats are officially my betting jolly to go down after their horror show at Leicester and it doesn’t help that key man Adam Johnson now looks like being out for up to two months with a shoulder problem. I couldn’t back them with stolen Monopoly money at the minute and so might even risk a few shekels on Norwich here at better than 2/1.
Betting: Norwich to win at 85/40 (BetVictor)
Swansea v Newcastle
Bit of trivia for you here kids. Since being promoted back to the big time Swansea have amassed more points against Newcastle than any other club. There was much to like about The Mags’ first week display but you couldn’t help but be impressed by Swansea at Chelsea. If you liken their display at Stamford Bridge to an erect penis – which I am – it was a real two-hander.
Betting: Swansea to win at 19/20 (bet365/Coral)
Tottenham v Stoke
Harry Kane has scored 24 goals in 49 Premier League appearances to date and I reckon he can mark his 50th game with his 25th goal. Sometimes in gambling I guess it’s best to keep things simple. And scoring against Stoke at home isn’t difficult. Now, try putting shoes on your six-year-old nephew who has no concept of time and doesn’t give a flying f**k about your Friday night plans. That, my friends, is difficult.
Betting: Kane to score first at 7/2 (Paddy Power)
Watford v West Brom
Troy Deeney owes us from last week and I am happy to keep the faith with him to score against a West Brom side who looked p*ss weak against Man City on Monday night. If you are reading this Troy – score on Saturday and become the darling of this column. Dare draw a blank and I will troll you like a good ‘un on Twitter. Those are the margins…
Betting: Deeney to score anytime at 85/40 (Stan James)
West Ham v Leicester
I wonder what Big Sam made of West Ham’s win at Arsenal? I like to imagine him at home in a pair of off white pants and vest (with egg yolk stains on), cans strewn around the room and hair all over the shop. Pointing at the tele while making gurgling sounds before marching into his back garden at the final whistle and casually kicking down his own shed. Probably.
Betting: Both teams to score – No at 6/5 (Paddy Power)
Crystal Palace v Arsenal
The pressure is firmly on Arsenal after their horror show last week. A defeat here is unthinkable but Palace will be quietly confident. The good news for the Gunners is they’ve not lost to the Eagles since 1994, a time when men had curtained hair and the PlayStation was born. I actually like Wenger’s men to get back on track here and win with a bit to spare.
Betting: Arsenal (-1) at 2/1 (Paddy Power)
Manchester City v Chelsea
Don Jose dare not let Chelsea’s main title rivals open up a five-point lead early doors and for this reason I expect him to instruct his team to batten down the hatches on Sunday. His mid-match rant against his medical staff was understandable in the heat of the moment. The decision to demote Eva Carniero afterwards less so and smacks of a man feeling the frustration of not being able to improve his squad over the summer while others did. But is there a more dangerous manager in the game today when his back is to the wall? Football purists might not approve of his tactics this weekend but I as a football betting man I’m convinced he won’t leave the Etihad empty-handed.
Betting: Draw at 5/2 (Betfred/Coral)