And we’re talking permanent rather than loan moves here. Who should be desperate to get a new home after things have gone stale?
Arsenal – Mathieu Debuchy
Why the need? Debuchy is a Premier League footballer by technicality. He has played 160 minutes in the competition since January 11, 2015. That’s a bit embarrassing for a 31-year-old international.
Where’s the good fit? Any mid-table club in Ligue 1, really. Bordeaux loaned him last season, so start by giving them a booty call.
Bournemouth – Marc Wilson
Why the need? One of the weirder Premier League seasons for Wilson. He was bought for £2m by Bournemouth from Stoke last August, and promptly failed to play a single minute before being loaned out in January. They’ve since spent £20m on Nathan Ake.
Where’s the good fit? West Brom again, if they’ll have him. Failing that, Wilson might have to drop down into the Championship.
Brighton – Richie Towell
Why the need? Good on him for earning a move from Dundalk to the Championship, but he’s now 26 and has played 46 league minutes in the last two years. Time to throw the Towell in.
Where’s the good fit? Having played for both Hibs and Celtic, would a move back to Scotland make sense. Yes, but only if it was a cut-price deal.
Burnley – Tom Anderson
Why the need? Because you probably haven’t heard of him. Anderson is 23 and came through Burnley’s academy, but has still never played a league game for the club. Time to cut his losses.
Where’s the good fit? Has twice been loaned to Chesterfield, but might fancy dropping to League One rather than all the way down to League Two.
Chelsea – Loic Remy
Why the need? Remy actually played a part in Chelsea’s preseason friendly victory over Arsenal, but won’t see any competitive action. He’s still only 30 and has 31 caps for France. Don’t waste these years.
Where’s the good fit? A lower-half Premier League team. Stoke, West Brom or Newcastle would all make sense.
Crystal Palace – Lee Chung-Yong
Why the need? Perhaps he feels optimistic at this time of year every season, but he shouldn’t. Lee moved to Palace from Bolton in February 2015, and he’s started nine league games since.
Where’s the good fit? A high-end Championship club, probably. Harry Redknapp at Birmingham?
Everton – Oumar Niasse
Why the need? The renaissance at Hull City from January onwards was wonderful, but Niasse is still towards the back of a long queue at Goodison Park.
Where’s the good fit? Probably a move abroad now, although would it would be interesting to see an aspirational Championship club offer £5m.
Huddersfield Town – Jason Davidson
Why the need? We picked him as Huddersfield’s forgotten player and we’re picking him again. Having been loaned out to Groningen last season, it looks like he hasn’t even been given a squad number by David Wagner.
Where’s the good fit? He’s played in Portugal and Netherlands. Pick one and get that agent dialling.
Leicester City – Yohan Benalouane
Why the need? Actually played almost 1,000 league minutes last season, but Leicester have since signed Harry Maguire for £17m. They have ten defenders listed in their first-team squad, and Benalouane is towards the bottom of that list.
Where’s the good fit? A move back to Ligue 1 makes the most sense. There will be a few takers.
Liverpool – Alberto Moreno
Why the need? The arrival of Andre Robertson confirms what we already knew: Moreno will start the season as Liverpool’s third-choice left-back.
Where’s the good fit? Roma and Napoli have both been mentioned, but a move back to Spain would also make sense. Just get out of Liverpool, basically.
Manchester City – Samir Nasri
Why the need? There are plenty of potential names here, but Nasri best combines the factors of being unlikely to get first-team minutes and being a high-profile, talented player.
Where’s the good fit? He surely needs to get out of England, unless a weird to move to Newcastle or Everton was mooted. La Liga is more likely than Ligue 1, given the likely wage demands.
Manchester United – James Wilson
Why the need? It isn’t his fault that he suffered a horrendous injury, but Wilson now needs to play football regularly and that isn’t ever going to happen at Manchester United while they’re spending £75m on strikers and have Marcus Rashford as the young buck.
Where’s the good fit? A good Championship club looking to take a punt. Fulham would be nice, perhaps.
Newcastle United – Tim Krul
Why the need? The only goalkeeper on this list, but with good reason. Newcastle have already loaned out Matz Sels and yet still have four goalkeepers. When fourth on that list is Freddie Woodman, England’s Under-20 World Cup-winning No. 1, it’s clear that a more senior goalkeeper has to leave.
Where’s the good fit? The best Eredivisie club where Krul can hope to become established as their No. 1.
Southampton – Florin Gardos
Why the need? Because even members of his close family are beginning to forget that he’s a professional footballer. He’s not played a minute of league football for two-and-a-half years, and he’s 28. Just move.
Where’s the good fit? Anywhere. Even if it takes a move back to Romania to get his head in gear, it would be worth it.
Stoke City – Philipp Wollscheid
Why the need? The German international (yes, really) central defender has gone on Stoke’s preseason tour, but was loaned to Wolfsburg last season and ended up playing for their reserves. He’s only still there because nobody wants him.
Where’s the good fit? A bottom-half Bundesliga club would be a perfect fit. Stuttgart, perhaps?
Swansea City – Kenji Gorre
Why the need? Signed in 2013 after being released from Manchester United’s academy, Gorre has still not progressed from Swansea’s U23 squad. Now 22 and loaned to Northampton Town last season, it’s just not going to work out in the Premier League.
Where’s the good fit? Difficult to drop down the leagues if Swansea insist on a fee, Gorre may be better going back to The Netherlands, where he moved from at the age of four, to seek first-team football.
Tottenham – Georges-Kevin N’Koudou
Why the need? Tottenham paid £11m for N’Koudou less than a year ago, but it just hasn’t worked out. N’Koudou is still young, but even at 22 needs more than 46 minutes of league football in a season if he is going to develop. That’s unlikely to happen at Spurs.
Where’s the good fit? A move back to Marseille makes some sense, but so might Monaco if Thomas Lemar leaves for Arsenal.
Watford – Giedrius Arlauskis
Why the need? Watford had four goalkeepers, released Rene Gilmartin, and then promptly signed Daniel Bachmann from Stoke City. If that doesn’t tell Arlauskis that he’s not wanted, nothing will.
Where’s the good fit? Sorry, you’re asking me to pick out which club Giedrius Arlauskis is going to play for next, are you? I’m not a p*ssing seer.
West Brom – Callum McManaman
Why the need? Because it feels like I’ve put him one of these lists at least three times in the last two years. McManaman was signed from Wigan as a bright young thing in January 2015, and has since started 13 Premier League games. Take the hint.
Where’s the good fit? I still think he’s good enough for the Premier League. Burnley, Swansea or Huddersfield, perhaps.
West Ham – Martin Samuelsen
Why the need? He’s still only 20, but Samuelsen left Manchester City’s academy in search of first-team football. He’s still never played for West Ham, been loaned out three times and the club’s co-owner says kids won’t get a chance. So that’s that.
Where’s the good fit? I honestly don’t know, but it is great how West Ham have a player whose name is so close to Martin Samuel. I don’t want him to leave anymore.