Cheeky Punt: A dopiaza debacle and darts

Date published: Wednesday 30th November 2016 8:12

Ever get the feeling your life is just essentially The Truman Show? On Friday night I resisted the temptation to go berserk on the drink straight after work in favour of a nice civilised Indian meal and was in good spirits having backed the ‘Overs’ in that evening’s Championship clash between Barnsley and Nottingham Forest (bet up after 13 minutes – oyyysy oyyysy).

I went with a friend – lets call him Bobby – who unbeknown to me had beef with another male who was dining in the same establishment with his family.

Now my mate Bobby is a bit of a hot head but quite small and his bark is usually far worse than his bite. The other geezer looked the spitting dabs of former WWF wrestler Razor Ramone. They got into an argument between tables and before you could say “Say hello to the Bad Guy” Bobby has dipped a full naan bread into his curry and slapped the other fellow round the moyler with it before they began windmilling in the restaurant.

After witnessing said dopiaza debacle I decided I needed a few nerve settlers. It’s pretty bizarre going into a club in town when you are still relatively sober and usually not something I ever do. What I will say is that you’ve never truly witnessed large scale disorder until you’ve seen eight women revved up on WKD bouncing around a boozer called Loons to Little Mix’s ‘Shout Out to My Ex’.

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‘On Saturday the world lost an iconic revolutionary leader – Fidel Castro – who liberated his nation from all vestiges of imperialism. Castro reasserted the Cuban nation’s dignity and self worth that withstood United States aggression and became a global leader for anti colonial struggles. We in Pakistan will always remember with gratitude Cuba’s support on the ground in the aftermath of the 2005 earthquake.’

My own Facebook status tribute to Castro. And one certainly not copied and pasted from another source to make me appear both knowledgeable and affected following El Commandante’s unfortunate demise  at the weekend.

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I think it was Walt Disney who said ‘A dream is a wish your heart makes’. Well f**k me I must have something wrong with my ticker as on Monday night I had a very vivid, very sensual dream that Ted Hankey won this year’s BDO World Darts Championships.

I have a lot of love for Hankey. Indeed whenever I feel troubled I head to YouTube and watch his 2012 Grand Slam of Darts ‘performance’ with Michael Van Gerwen. The Count staggered to a 5-0 defeat that night and blamed a medical problem. More cynical judges than me blamed an ethanol problem.

Indeed bookmaker Paddy Power decided to refund over £2,000 to punters who had backed him that night. A statement from the Irish layers at the time read: ‘Hankey looked (ahem) well off the pace missing the board twice and only averaging 59 on his way to a 5-0 hammering at the hands of Van Gerwen. Having looked at the footage it’s clear to us that Hankey was aiming at the wrong type of doubles.’

I had a look at the betting and Hankey is a 200/1 poke for glory at the Lakeside this year. To put those odds into some kind of perspective, Chas & Dave are only 80/1 to be Christmas Number One. But then is Christmas not about miracles? About Jesus the Messiah coming down to earth in human form? Of Kings, Angels and blind faith? I’ve had a score on ‘The Count’ at 200s. Mr Hankey, I’m daring to dream.

Cheeky’s Punt of the Week: Alexis Sanchez to score v West Ham at 11/10 (Coral)

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