Bournemouth v Brighton
The Cherries have been struggling big time and if they lose this the critics must surely begin to round on Eddie Howe. His hair’s s**t and his team have been just as terrible so far this season. This is a big, big game for the young man who is often touted as a future England manager.
Betting: Glenn Murray to score first at 7/1 (Sun Bets)
Crystal Palace v Southampton
Roy Hodgson, 70 years young, recently became Palace’s fourth boss in less than 10 months. That’s after they sacked Frank de Boer after four games. Four games. Just let that sink in.
Southampton have not troubled the old onion bag in three of their four Premier League starts this season while the last time Palace scored a goal Jasper Carrot was funny. Surely, surely, the play here is low goals?
Betting: No Goalscorer at 15/2 (Ladbrokes)
Huddersfield v Leicester City
The fixture list has not been kind to the Foxes so far this season but they have been playing OK and are worth a lump here against a Terriers side who have struggled to score goals at home.
Betting: Leicester City to win at 11/8 (Bet Victor)
Liverpool v Burnley
Now I like Jurgen Klopp. He’s the type of fellow I’d happily have 12 pints and a Hot Shot Parmo with. But he’s been at Liverpool for nearly two years. So what the f**k is going on with their defence? You show me someone who thinks Alberto Moreno is a good defender and I will show you a liar. The Reds are going to be fun to watch but little else this season, unless they can sort out that abysmal back line. If only they could have sold a wantaway international in the summer for a ludicrous sum in order to revamp that creaky defence….
Betting: Both teams to score at 11/10 (bet365/Hills)
Newcastle United v Stoke City
You know the narrative. Old player turns out against former club, scores goal and then ludicrously refuses to celebrate out of ‘respect’ to said former club (while furiously trying to hide an erection in their shorts). Joselu surely can’t be ignored in the first goalscorer stakes here, can he?
Betting: Joselu to score first at 9/2 (Betfred/bet365)
Watford v Manchester City
Strange but true. If the season ended on September 15 Watford would be in the Champions League while Huddersfield would be getting their freak on in the Europa League. Then again if my Aunt had a set of knackers she’d be my uncle. There’s no denying the Hornets have made a fine start this season, with boss Marco Silva showing he just might be the real deal. They face a real test of their credentials on Saturday though against the bookies’ favourites for the title. That said City could be a bit fatigued here and Watford have already shown against Liverpool they won’t fear anyone this season on their own patch. They are a shade under even money with a two-goal handicap and that looks worth a go under the circumstances.
Betting: Watford (+2) to beat Manchester City at 9/10 (Stan James)
West Brom v West Ham
The Baggies look cracking value against a West Ham side struggling to find any consistency this season. Seven points from four games is a decent return and Tony Pulis will know this is a great opportunity to get some more on the board.
Betting: West Brom to win at 7/5 (Marathon Bet)
Tottenham v Swansea
Spurs are suddenly motoring again but I worry for Swansea. Having lost Gylfi Sigurdsson and Fernando Llorente in the summer their forward line suddenly looks meek, impotent, soulless. They’ve failed to score in three of their last four. You know what to do.
Betting: Tottenham to win to nil at 10/11 (Stan James)
Chelsea v Arsenal
In a nutshell: Chelsea = home banker. Arsenal have a woeful recent record at the Bridge and have been absolute dog s**t in two Premier League away outings so far this season. Chelsea have also had a few days extra rest from their European exertions and Alvaro Morata can’t stop scoring headers. What’s not to like?
Betting: Chelsea to win and both teams to score at 11/5 (Coral/Hills)
Manchester United v Everton
Everyone was raving in the summer about Everton’s high-profile transfer business but they’ve made an awful start and their performance against Atalanta on Thursday was beyond parody. If the ‘sleeping Blue giant’ has awoken it looks like he has only gone downstairs and jumped straight back on the couch for a kip. United look absolute locks here but it should be a fun game to watch with plenty of goals.
Betting: Manchester United to win and both teams to score at 13/5 (888 Sport)