Cheeky Punt: Lyon, Hartlepool, Arsenal

Date published: Wednesday 14th December 2016 11:04

Despite privately claiming that I would rather cut off both my hands with a salty roast carver than steam into Lyon in Europe ever again I was at it again on Wednesday night as I had the French outfit in a £170 double with FC Porto.

The Porto bet was never in doubt from the moment I discovered Riyad Mahrez and Jamie Vardy had not travelled with Leicester and the Foxes duly capitulated 5-0 at the Estadio do Dragao.

Lyon needed to win by two clear goals to pip Sevilla to second spot in Group H and hit the crossbar twice in the first half against Spanish opponents who were happy to sit back and absorb pressure. The second half was just as frustrating as Lyon spurned a host of half chances and let’s just say Mathieu Valbuena won’t be on my f**king Christmas card list this year.

It ended 0-0. All bets were down and I became all irrational as I shouted at the TV and remonstrated with Lyon boss Bruno Genesio, who to add insult to injury looks like someone drew a face on a balloon.

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Another Saturday. Another tale of boozing woe. The day began with such promise as I went to the gym, had a sauna and something sensible to eat. However I then went to watch Hartlepool against Cambridge and witnessed a display of such ineptitude from those dressed in blue and white I felt I had no choice but to binge drink. The Monkey Hangers losing 5-0 didn’t tell the whole story. They were beyond abysmal and I was on the pints in our local Wetherspoons before you could say “Bag of Sh**e Pools”.
The gambling actually went OK after I had Dwight Gayle to score first for Newcastle at 4/1 and Hull to draw with Crystal Palace. However my decision to stay out drinking until the Sunday afternoon was less inspired.
My partner was understandably furious and before my battery went dead we engaged in a bitter text exchange about why I thought it was acceptable not to come home after watching the Anthony Joshua fight? My reply, that it was due to me being  “15 stone 7 lbs of prime party real estate”, on reflection probably didn’t help my cause.
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Arsenal’s odds of 5/6 on Tuesday night to win at Everton looked simply too good to be true. Arsene Wenger’s men were looking to extend their unbeaten run in the top flight to 15 games (and go top of the Premier League) while the beleaguered Toffees had won only one of their last 10 league games and had not kept a clean sheet since October 30. It reeked of away win.
I was completely sold and steamed into both the win market and Arsenal half-time full-time at 15/8. So when Alexis Sanchez scored via a comedy deflection on 20 minutes all was as it should be.
However the Gunners didn’t push on from there and that allowed Seamus Coleman to equalise just before the break. Collectively Arsenal’s a**es began to twitch as the second half wore on and it was no surprise really when Ashley Williams popped up late doors to win it for Everton.
As capitulations go this was right up there. And the mood swings of a gambler, higher when winning, lower when losing, meant I went to bed crying on the inside once again.
Cheeky’s Punt of the Week: Middlesbrough to beat Swansea at 23/20 (Bet Victor) 

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