Manchester United v Southampton
The eyes of the world will be on Old Trafford on Friday night as Paul Pogba – the world’s most expensive player – looks set to make his first appearance since that transfer from Juventus that took a f**king age to sort out. The French midfielder doesn’t score goals by the bagful but after dominating the summer headlines with one of the most protracted moves in history it’s only right and proper that he scores here.
Betting: Pogba to score anytime at 11/4 (Betway)
Stoke v Manchester City
The Citizens may have barely scraped past Sunderland last weekend but they looked like complete f**king bad men in Romania on Champions League duty in the week. They missed two penalties yet still won 5-0, and if they turn up in the same mood at the Britannia then Stoke are going down.
Betting: Man City-Man City Half-Time Full-Time at 17/10 (Bet Victor)
Burnley v Liverpool
The Reds were absolutely top drawer in winning at Arsenal and can claim another three points on the road here. Philippe Coutinho’s tekkers have been on point for Liverpool in recent weeks and ‘Lil Phil’ looks a big price to score first.
Betting: Coutinho to score first at 13/3 (bet365)
Swansea v Hull City
Both teams registered wins last weekend but I still fear for Hull. A lack of investment and boardroom unrest means it has genuinely been one of the saddest promotions to the Premier League in living memory. A threadbare squad will start getting exposed soon enough. In fact as soon as Saturday.
Betting: Swansea to win at 5/6 (Paddy Power)
Tottenham v Crystal Palace
Spurs will do a job on Palace with minimal fuss here. Get smashing them on the handicaps. Vincent Janssen made a really positive impact when he came on against Everton and I’d be surprised if the Dutch youngster doesn’t start here against a Palace outfit who are, at the time of writing, more toothless than Cletus the slack-jawed yokel from The Simpsons.
Betting: Tottenham (-1) to beat Crystal Palace at 11/8 (Paddy Power)
Watford v Chelsea
Antonio Conte got his Chelsea reign off to a good start on Monday night and he even found time for a spot of crowd surfing towards the end of their 2-1 win over West Ham. The new Godfather of Stamford Bridge is a hard taskmaster however and will have been p*ssed that they didn’t keep a clean sheet against the Hammers. Look for his new mob to carry out orders to the letter this weekend as he goes tete a tete with compatriot Walter Mazzarri.
Betting: Chelsea to win to nil at 5/4 (Ladbrokes)
West Brom v Everton
At first glance this one screams draw but fans who took in the Toffees’ 1-1 opening-day draw with Spurs will concur that there was plenty to be optimistic about. Ross Barkley looks at the top of his game once again and he can drive the Merseysiders to victory here, with Everton having lost just one of their last seven against the Baggies.
Betting: Everton to win 2-0 at 12/1 (Bet Victor)
Leicester v Arsenal
As predicted Arsenal looked a genuine f**king disgrace defensively last weekend and I don’t see things improving that much here. Leicester were dogsh*t themselves against Hull but have been handed a major boost with the news Riyad Mahrez is staying put. The Algerian – with a wand for a left peg – can run amok at the King Power and help the champions turn Arsenal over to really crank the pressure up on Mr Wenger.
Betting: Leicester to win and both teams to score at 4/1 (bet365/Paddy Power)
Sunderland v Middlesbrough
It should be worth a watch when these two north-east powerhouses lock horns on Sunday. I hope I’m wrong but I don’t foresee a classic in terms of goals. These Wear-Tees derby matches can get a bit lairy though and I wouldn’t totally discount one of the protagonists heading off for an early bath.
Betting: Red card in the match at 19/5 (Stan James)
West Ham v Bournemouth
The Hammers rested most of the big boys for Thursday’s latest foray into the Europa League backwaters and I fancy them to turn it on here. The big dirty handful otherwise known as Andy Carroll is 11/2 to score first in the match and that price looks one worth tickling. Carroll of course is a Geordie so his interests away from top-flight football will almost certainly include ‘Gannin’ doon tha boozer’ and ‘Pasty smashing’.
Betting: Carroll to score first at 11/2 (Paddy Power)