Cheeky Punt: Screwed at every turn this week

Date published: Wednesday 21st September 2016 10:33

Leicester City

I endured a bad day at the office last Wednesday. A good mate of mine gave me three tips via text. The first was for some obscure nag that was 10/11 to win a race in South Africa. I had £110 and the disgrace of a horse didn’t even place.

He then sends me 16/1 and 10/1 shots that duly hose up. Of course I’m still sulking from the 10/11 pig so back neither.

I hope for a change of luck on that evening’s Champions League and had a £100 treble on Leicester to beat Brugge, Manchester City to win minus a goal and Real Madrid to win minus a goal.

City ultimately prove way too strong for Borussia Moenchengladbach but Madrid, the European champions, could only win 2-1 at the Bernabeu thanks to a last=gasp rescue act against Sporting Lisbon, reducing my tasty treble to sh*t roll paper.

As the late, great Kurt Cobain once said “Nobody dies a virgin…. Life f**ks us all.”

*****

Little things in life I hate:

– People asking if you’re “alright” when you are spewing up.

– Private parts that smell uncivilised.

– People who bag their dog’s sh*t in a plastic bag. And then leave said bag on the pavement.

– Newcastle winning six games in a row then blowing in at 8/15 against f*cking Wolves at home when I have them in the last leg of a treble paying £240.

*****

They say these things come in threes. I awoke on Tuesday to read in the paper that my two most hated Phils – Prince Philip and Phillip Schofield – would be getting together for a TV interview later this year. I mean how does that go well?

Then coming home from work it was announced on the radio that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were getting divorced. I mean seriously what the f*ck? Brangelina were my third favourite celebrity couple after Kim and Kanye and Cannon and Ball.

As it goes I can sympathise with Hollywood super-hunk Pitt. In 2004 I was unceremoniously dumped by my fiancée for going on a four-day booze bender down in Milton Keynes. As Socrates (not that one) once mused ‘the hottest love has the coldest end’.

Worse was to follow. I smashed Leicester at 11/5 and then recoiled in horror when I saw the players they were resting for their EFL Cup clash with Chelsea.

The Foxes went 2-0 up at the King Power early doors but were eventually pegged back and drew 2-2, before being done in extra-time (does sad face emoji).

Cheeky’s Punt of the Week: Arsenal to beat Chelsea at 6/4 (Paddy Power)

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