The problem with being a hell-raiser is the inevitable social consequences.
After completely losing my s**t the other week, reports began to emanate locally that I was thrown out of two boozers for taking my trousers off and dancing in less than my pants. Although my own recollections are hazy the reports were seemingly accurate. Alas they somehow got back to my dear old parents who were understandably fuming that their son cannot keep his kecks on in pubs despite the fact he’s in his late thirties.
My mam text saying perhaps I need psychiatric help? I maintain if they would have let me sing Blue Suede Shoes in O’Malleys I’d almost certainly have kept the boys in the barracks. My dad was his usual loquacious self, simply branding me a “f**king idiot”.
A “f**king idiot”? I literally have more degrees than the old boy has strands of hair on his head. As Muhammad Ali once mused: “A wise man can act a fool – but a fool can never act a wise man.”
‘If you can meet with triumph and disaster; and treat those two imposters just the same.’
So said Rudyard Kipling, who was clearly not a fan of a s**te football team. Indeed most supporters of teams not in the upper echelons of the Premier League will be able to tell you a thing or two about disaster, but it takes a special type of lunatic to support Hartlepool United.
A club with the largest number of re-election campaigns in the history of English football (if you don’t know what that means, ask your dad). They also set an unenviable record of going 1,227 minutes without scoring in the early 1990s.
In short they’ve been a millstone round my neck for almost 30 years and were at it again on Saturday. I knew, categorically that Jorge Linares would beat Anthony Crolla and the Venezuelan was a 13/8 pole with the bookies (including sports betting with Paddy Power). Rather than just do a single, greed began whispering in my ear and I doubled him with Plymouth to beat my ‘beloved’ Hartlepool. The Pilgrims were top of the league and had won seven matches in a row. I thought Pools would be absolute fodder down on the south coast but having taking the lead (scoring from a cross no less) they eventually punched out a 1-1 draw. My £100 double paying over a monkey was down and to add insult to injury Linares put on a clinic to outbox Crolla in Manchester a few hours later.
Hartlepool United – busting my balls since 1988.
I woke up on Tuesday to the media monsoon surrounding Sam Allardyce. Da beg fella was in a tight spot no question but due to the fact I was reading about him in Joey Barton’s autobiography I was more sympathetic than the man next door.
Big Sam was/is ‘apparently an arresting sight in a thong’ and once ate ’11 fried eggs in a single sitting’.
A better man than me once said ‘Let him who is without sin cast the first stone. And cook the eggs’.
Cheeky’s Punt of the Week: West Ham and Middlesbrough to draw at 5/2 (Boylesports)