Stan Collymore has requested that Aston Villa give him “12 months” to “cuddle and b*llock” the club’s players.
Villa’s relegation to the Championship was confirmed after Saturday’s 1-0 defeat to Manchester United, with the club’s ever-present stay in the Premier League coming to an end.
Tim Sherwood started the season as manager at Villa Park, but was sacked in October, with replacement Remi Garde suffering the same fate in March. Eric Black will end the campaign in charge, but there are fears over the club’s long-term future.
In his column for Boyle Sports, former player Collymore has pledged his allegiance to the cause, offering his services to the club for a year.
‘Give me 12 months to report on players and find the gems and the characters to take Villa forward,’ Collymore wrote.
‘Give me 12 months at Bodymoor to be a player liaison, to get into them, to cuddle, bollock and help them settle and understand our great club.
‘Give me 12 months to meet the parents and guardians of the local kid that’s wavering between Villa or Albion, and I’ll persuade them B6 is for them.
‘Let me use my profile and contacts to get players first for our club, rather than gambles and journeymen.
‘If I fail, I’ll retire from broadcasting, I’ll shut down my social media feed, and you’ll never hear any criticism of Villa or its staff again.
‘When I succeed, you’ll have a Premier League club, you’ll have players you can rely on, and you’ll have a scouting and football admin department that will be the envy of the league.
‘Nothing to lose. I’ll put my money where my mouth is, Mr Lerner, time you did the same.
Collymore also directed ire towards both Joleon Lescott and Gabby Agbonlahor, who have come in for criticism over their attitude and performances.
He wrote: ‘I was crap, unproductive and it was a horror spell of my career for many reasons but please never think I’d be cocky enough to goad Villa fans with my latest car picture or quite happily insult Villa fans by playing two stones overweight.’