‘Dominant’ Pogba, ‘fortress’ Turf Moor, ‘Judas’ Terry

Sarah Winterburn

More straw than Gummidge
Even for Martin Samuel, ritual destroyer of straw men, this is something special in the Daily Mail.

He has managed to write literally hundreds of words about how John Terry should not be seen as a Judas for leaving Chelsea to play for another club when absolutely nobody has ever suggested he would. At least according to searches on Google, Twitter and basic common sense.

It’s really quite astonishing even for a man who once wrote that Terry’s use of the words “f***ing black c***” to Anton Ferdinand was ‘ultimately meaningless’ because it was an exchange between two people: ‘The words may be offensive but they do not go anywhere.’

Now he is asking a series of questions and we cannot help but think that the answers are obvious.

‘Captain, leader, legend… Judas? Is that how John Terry is destined to be remembered, if he has the temerity to seek a career beyond his Chelsea years?’

No.

‘Will 713 games as the most decorated player at the club and heartbeat of their modern existence count for nothing if he so much as plays a year at, say, Bournemouth?’

No. But can we have a second for ‘heartbeat of their modern existence’?

‘So why the surprise that has greeted Terry’s decision to seek a swansong with another Premier League club?’

Erm, maybe just because he said himself two years ago: “If I then felt Chelsea were going to release me or thought I had nothing else to give, but I thought I could, then of course I would still want to continue to play. But that would not be in the Premier League.”

‘Why this sense of entitlement, of ownership?’

We don’t think there is any.

‘It is perfectly plain there is no future for Terry as a Chelsea player, so how is he being disloyal or disrespectful?’

He’s not. And nobody said he was.

‘So, once Antonio Conte found a way of succeeding without Terry, he was largely redundant – but that is not the same as being finished. Terry clearly thinks he can still play at a good level and so, it seems, do a strong field of suitors. Why should Chelsea then get to decide when his career ends?’

They don’t. This is getting weird now.

As Samuel ends his piece:

‘Terry’s no traitor; he is just a professional footballer. No shame in that.’

No. But there should be shame in being the Chief Sports Writer of a national newspaper and getting paid hundreds of thousands of pounds a year to write pieces based only on the voices in your head.

 

Capital Kidd
The Sun’s
Chief Sports Writer Dave Kidd is feeling very clever around about now because he was sceptical about Pep Guardiola’s predicted domination of English football. Well, he started feeling clever in about December, when he wrote:

‘When Guardiola’s arrival was announced, back on January deadline day, it was lauded as a Papal blessing for the Prem. Yet some of us heretics came out as Pep sceptics.’

He was so happy with that line that he is still peddling it now…

‘Those who were Guardiola sceptic, who wondered whether he would look quite so special without the rich inheritances he enjoyed at Barcelona and Bayern Munich, were widely regarded as heretics last summer.’

Back in December, Kidd was even blaming the BBC for people believing that a coach with six national titles and two Champions Leagues would make a difference at City:

‘I don’t know, maybe we were all sucked in by the famously agenda-driven Manchester-centric media, led by Salford-based BBC Sport, who persuaded us to ignore poor unfashionable London, which provided two of last season’s three title contenders and three of this season’s five.’

Now, in April, Kidd is still banging the drum for London football in the face of all those silly media types who suggested Manchester was king…

‘It will be an all-London final, to go with an all-London title race between Chelsea and Tottenham, to cap off a season in which Guardiola and Jose Mourinho were supposed to have made Manchester the centre of the footballing universe.

‘Damn those metropolitan elites.’

Well done, Dave. Everybody was fooled barring you and your clever London ways.

Except, well, you did predict that Manchester United would win the title.

 

Milky bar Kidd
Dave Kidd’s description of Manchester City:

‘City spent £165million last summer, yet here they were with a stuntman in goal, a winger at right-back and a reliance on the ageing spine of the team which won the title under Roberto Mancini in 2011 – Vinny Kompany, Yaya Toure and Sergio Aguero.’

Couple of things, Dave.

1) City did indeed spend £165m last summer. But almost £100m of that was on John Stones, Ilkay Gundogan and Gabriel Jesus; you may notice that they play in the same positions as Vinny Kompany, Yaya Toure and Sergio Aguero; you may not have noticed that they are injured.

2) Claudio Bravo is a 112-times-capped international goalkeeper and has won two La Liga titles. A ‘stuntman’? Grow up.

3) Sergio Aguero is 28. He is technically ‘ageing’, but…

 

Lads, it’s Burnley
While a clownish Manchester City were losing to Arsenal in the FA Cup in extra-time, Manchester United were strolling to victory over 16th-placed Burnley in the Premier League. And what a win it was. Neil Custis is salivating in The Sun:

‘While this obviously did not have the emotion or significance of the victory over Chelsea the previous Sunday, it should not be underestimated either.’

But obviously cannot be overestimated either…

‘Yes, Burnley are looking nervously over their shoulder at the bottom three with only one win from 11 in the top flight now.

‘Yet at home they have won ten matches – the same number as Arsenal.’

They have indeed won ten matches at home, but when was the last time they beat a team from the top eight at home? October, that’s when.

If it’s okay by you, we’ll keep thinking that the win over Chelsea was a bit more impressive.

‘United brushed them aside with as good a performance Turf Moor has witnessed from an opponent this season.’

Mediawatch is not even sure it’s the best performance Turf Moor has witnessed this month. Tottenham had more shots, more shots on target and a better pass completion rate three weeks ago.

 

Storming the fortress
Was Custis sat next to the Daily Mirror’s David Anderson, who writes that Manchester United ‘Rooney and Martial scored to help Jose Mourinho conquer fortress Turf Moor with relative ease’.

Fortress? This could well be the sh***est fortress in the western world.

Burnley’s only win at Turf Moor in their last four games came against a Stoke side who have won one away game in 2017. At Sunderland.

God help them if the Vikings come again.

‘This was a game littered with positives for Mourinho…at this key time of the season.

‘Paul Pogba was dominant to leave poor Joey Barton chasing shadows in the spring sunshine…’

Yes, the world’s most expensive player dominated Burnley’s 34-year-old free transfer.

‘Eric Bailly and Daley Blind were watertight at the back to show United’s makeshift defence can cope without Chris Smalling, Phil Jones and Marcos Rojo.’

Yes, they certainly coped admirably against a Burnley side who have now scored two goals in their last six Premier League games.

Is it too late to give them all the trophies?

 

The Pog’s bollocks
Continues Custis on the admittedly impressive Paul Pogba:

‘Pogba played in his preferred position on the left of a three in midfield and was one of United’s best players. He fought for every ball, won all his duels and almost got the goal his performance deserved.’

He was also dispossessed four times, had the worst pass completion rate of any Manchester United midfielder and created just one chance. But other than that, he was truly excellent against a team whose form is only currently better than Sunderland and Middlesbrough.

 

Headline for our times
‘Alli wins PFA Young Player of the Year award for the second season in a row…and he’s joined by girlfriend Ruby Mae’ – MailOnline.

Obviously she is not mentioned in the actual article but THERE ARE PICTURES OF A PRETTY GIRL.

 

When Garth met Alli
‘I’ve said before that this lad is on the verge of becoming something quite special. There are two features that characterise a special player in my opinion. Firstly, can he affect the big games? Secondly, is he comfortable on the big stage?’

Isn’t that basically one question asked in two different ways, Garth? Isn’t that just finding two different ways to ask one question?

 

Recommended reading of the day
Martin Belam on Leyton Orient’s plight and fight.

Thore Haugstad on the tactics in El Clasico.

Miguel Delaney on Manchester City’s problems.