England’s Uncapped XI: No call-up for Noble…

Dave Tickner

England have used 46 different players since Gareth Southgate took over, and that number will be nudging 50 before the current international break is over.

But what about those that not only haven’t been picked in the Boris Johnson-botherer’s reign, but have never won a cap at all?

For reasons that aren’t quite clear now, we’ve put together the best available England uncapped XI. The rules are pretty straightforward: no full England caps, no members of the current squad, nobody with a declared allegiance to another country, and no Mark Nobles.

 

Goalkeeper: Karl Darlow
We very nearly abandoned this at the first hurdle, and Lord knows maybe we should have. With Nick Pope now out of the picture, this was tricky. Yet also straightforward. The easiest choice to make is when you have no choice at all. If we were doing a subs’ bench, we’d have to put Lee Grant on it. We’re not doing a subs’ bench.

Right-back: Trent Alexander-Arnold
With the England squad but not technically in it, and therefore the precociously talented Liverpool teenager saunters into this XI as one of its members who will surely one day leave it to play for the proper actual team instead of this far more important one. His loss.

Centre-back: Jamaal Lascelles
There’s a fair bit of whimsy in this list, but Lascelles can feel genuinely aggrieved to be here. England are still striving for the right defensive balance but are yet to call upon a man who has been among the league’s biggest difference-makers this season.

Centre-back: Mason Holgate
One of the most in-demand youngsters in the country when he left Barnsley for Everton in 2015. Hasn’t quite fulfilled that potential and is now injured. He still gets the nod at centre-back here because we think he’ll come good and his name sounds like a gnarled hard-drinking private investigator.

Left-back: Ryan Sessegnon
Perhaps the most exciting prospect in English football who will be coming to a Premier League ground near you. Still operating mainly at left-back, which is where he’ll play for us, but has 14 goals in 35 Championship games this season, including a hat-trick at Sheffield United. He’s still only 17. The last 17-year-old to score a league hat-trick in England before Sessegnon? That’ll be Dele Alli, then.

Winger: Demarai Gray
Every time I’ve seen Gray play he’s looked the dog’s b*ll*cks yet remains a fringe player at Leicester so I’m obviously not watching the right games. He’s a Reverse Zlatan, in a way. But he’s got five goals in 16 games for the U21s and is a Premier League champion. Good to have winners in your team.

Central midield: Tom Carroll
The next Harry Winks, even though Tom Carroll was Harry Winks before Harry Winks was Harry Winks. For some reason, Winks has disappeared from both the Tottenham and England radar but like his former Tottenham club-mate, Carroll’s game was forged by watching Luka Modric at work. There’s a lot to be said in international football for a player who just quietly and calmly keeps possession and looking around this team we’re going to need it.

Central midfield: Nathaniel Chalobah
It would almost be a shame to see Chalobah play for the full England side. Those 40 – FORTY – caps for the Under-21s are somehow so much purer for being unsullied by subsequent full honours. Only James Milner has played more times for the Under-21s, but he was eligible for 20 years due and only made his 46th and final appearance for England’s Young Lions last season [subs please check].

Winger: Michail Antonio
Has come as close as anyone on this list to earning a full England cap, having sat on the bench for Sam Allardyce’s first and last match in charge. A joyful, effervescent footballer who once incorporated a Simpsons reference into a goal celebration, it is to be hoped that Antonio is able to come good again before being completely consumed by the London Stadium pit of despair. Selection in this team will surely be a much needed fillip for the former Nottingham Forest man.

Striker: Dominic Calvert-Lewin
Geoff Hurst, Martin Peters, Dominic Calvert-Lewin. The Everton youngster became only the third man to score for England in a World Cup final last summer and as such is a more than worthy inclusion in our XI to fictitiously take on the uncapped world. Has shown enough for Everton since netting the winner against Venezuela in the Under-20 World Cup final to suggest his future holds so much more than being an answer to a pub quiz question.

Striker: Glenn Murray
How can you ignore the fourth highest English goalscorer in the Premier League this season? A man with as many Premier League goals in 2017/18 as Dele Alli, Jermain Defoe and Andy Carroll combined? Very easily if you’re Gareth Southgate, far harder if you’ve arbitrarily limited yourself to uncapped players. Brighton’s main man is a shoo-in to lead the line.

 

Dave Tickner

 

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