That sounds like a licence to print money to our resident gambling addict. He is also backing Kevin De Bruyne to score and is threatening to tattoo a man’s face onto his (left) arse cheek…
Tottenham v Manchester City
As a sports-obsessed gambling addict I’m a bit behind the times when it comes to movies and watched Harry Potter for the first time just last week. I found it all a bit unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? One Cheeto crotch who won’t be short of pals though is millionaire baller Kevin de Bruyne. The former Wolfsburg man has looked the real deal on his return to English football and I reckon he looks huge value at 11/4 to score against Spurs in Saturday’s early kick-off.
Betting: De Bruyne to score anytime at 11/4 (Coral)
Leicester City v Arsenal
The Foxes are still unbeaten but continue to ship goals and I reckon Arsenal can shade a lively encounter here. Both teams to score looks an absolute penalty kick but the Camel Coats have chalked it up at heavy odds on so I reckon the shrewd dough should go down on a Gunners win with both protagonists finding the net.
Betting: Arsenal to win and both teams to score at 23/10 (Boylesports)
Liverpool v Aston Villa
Anyone tempted to back the Reds at 8/15 here wants hitting squarely on the forehead with a claw hammer. They have served up what can only be described as fecal matter in recent weeks and being taken to penalties at home to lowly Carlisle has sent some fans over the edge. Make no bones, the knives are out for Brendan Rodgers, who is as short as 7/4 to be the next top-flight boss to lose his job.
Betting: Both teams to score at evens (Hills)
Manchester United v Sunderland
Panic buy they said. Waste of money they said. Well, Anthony Martial is proving the sceptics wrong and if the speedy Frenchman scores on Saturday he will create a bit of history by becoming the first United player to score in his first three Premier League matches. And if, as expected, he starts I expect him to snaffle that record no dramas and land my legion of followers a nice bit of evens action in the process.
Betting: Martial to score anytime at evens (Ladbrokes)
Southampton v Swansea
The home win is my nap of the weekend so there’s no excuse kids. I want you all to YouTube Jimmy Somerville classic ‘You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)’ on your phones, ramp that sh*t up real loud and march into the nearest betting shop while singing along to the former Bronski Beat kingpin for all your worth. Altogether now….
Betting: Southampton to win at 11/10 (Paddy Power)
Stoke City v Bournemouth
Stoke have huffed and puffed so far this season but are still without a win and that has to be a worry for Mark Hughes with October just around the corner. I think they look plenty short to win this one, especially if Callum Wilson is on it once again. He’s scored five so far this season and one wag in the boozer the other night claimed he’s scored those goals despite only actually having eight shots on target. If that’s true I’ll doff my cap and it may be worth getting with the Coventry-born goal machine to do the bizz again at The Britannia.
Betting: Wilson to score first at 11/2 (Ladbrokes)
West Ham v Norwich City
From the evidence I’ve seen so far West Ham look bankers for a top-10 finish this season. They look to have so much firepower and a great balance in these post-Big Sam times. I think they can cut a swathe through Norwich without much fuss here and am all over the 5/4 quotes currently doing the rounds about a home win.
Betting: West Ham to win at 5/4 (Bet Victor)
Newcastle v Chelsea
The whole world and his dog will have this down as an away banker but it’s worth remembering Chelsea’s recent record on Tyneside really isn’t worth a w*nk. Mr Mourinho hasn’t won at St James’ Park in five previous visits and last season two Papiss Cisse goals ended Chelsea’s fine unbeaten start to the season. The Mags have been appalling so far but will hopefully close ranks and have a real go at the Blues again and for this reason I reckon the draw here might be worth a nibble.
Betting: Draw at 16/5 (Betfred)
Watford v Crystal Palace
The Premier League are not exactly ending the weekend with a bang here are they? In fact I’ve not felt this underwhelmed since watching Grease 2. Odion Ighalo produced the goods for this column last weekend and I’m happy to go with the nippy Nigerian again. In fact, I’ll raise the stakes a bit. If Ighalo scores first on Sunday I’ll happily get his face tattooed onto my left a*se cheek.
Betting: Ighalo to score first at 15/2 (Boylesports)