Everton v Liverpool: An all-time Merseyside dregs XI

Date published: Friday 8th December 2017 10:50

The premise is simple enough, even for you: To be eligible for this XI a player must have featured in a match between these two sides since 1992.

 

GOALKEEPER: Brad Jones
For Simon Mignolet, the gloves were once on the other hands. The Belgian has been restored to Liverpool’s starting line-up, and is expected to feature against Everton on Monday. But he was once in the position of Loris Karius as Anfield’s ousted No 1.

It was back in December 2014 when Brad Jones was named as the surprise starting goalkeeper for Liverpool’s game against Manchester United. Mignolet had been under-performing throughout the season, and his Australian understudy was given his chance. United won 3-0. And Jones did this:

His one and only Premier League Merseyside derby appearance came in a 2-2 draw in October 2012. Now he’s busy being voted Goalkeeper of the Year in the Eredivisie. If Karius ever needs inspiration, look no further.

 

RIGHT-BACK: Marc Hottiger
Below are some descriptions of Marc Hottiger from popular Everton forum GrandOldTeam.

‘Full on dog turd.’
‘Bobbins.’
‘Better than Niasse.’

Lovely sentiments, one and all. Hottiger moved to Goodison Park from Newcastle for £700,000 in 1996. He stayed for 16 months before departing for Swiss side Lausanne in a £25,000 deal. His short stay on Merseyside included a start against Liverpool in April 1996, where a late Robbie Fowler strike cancelled out Andrei Kanchelskis’ opener.

 

CENTRE-BACK: Mauricio Pellegrino
Now better known as Southampton manager, Mauricio Pellegrino is an oft-forgotten member of Liverpool’s historic 2004/05 Champions League-winning side. The first ever Argentinean to play for the club, he joined in January 2005. He actually played 12 of the club’s 18 Premier League games after the turn of the year, losing each of his first four as the club’s European escapades began to have an adverse effect domestically. But the central defender recovered, and his first victory for Liverpool came in a 2-1 win over Everton in March 2005.

 

CENTRE-BACK: Torben Piechnik
George Graham had fallen into the trap with John Jensen, and Graeme Souness was no different. The Liverpool manager watched Euro 1992, and was so impressed with Denmark defender Torben Piechnik that he simply had to bring him to Anfield. The centre-half spent just two years on Merseyside, and the enduring memory of his time is undoubtedly having a chant in his honour to the tune of ‘Teddy Bear’s Picnic’.

 

LEFT-BACK: Andrea Dossena
You know what never stops being hilarious? That Andrea Dossena once scored in consecutive four-goal thrashings of two former European champions within a four-day spell in 2009. He struck in the 4-0 victory over Real Madrid in the Champions League on March 10, before rubbing the saltiest salt in the woundiest wound of Manchester United on March 14. The Italian recently re-emerged after returning to Italy when he joined Leyton Orient in 2014. He is now second-bottom of the Swiss second tier with FC Chiasso.

 

RIGHT-WINGER: Andy van der Meyde
Andy van der Meyde may have endured the most difficult of times both on and off the pitch after joining Everton in 2005, but he left an indelible mark on two Merseyside derbies. His first came as a 68th-minute substitute in a 3-1 defeat; he was red-carded for a foul on Xabi Alonso just five minutes later. His second was to assist Dan Gosling’s extra-time FA Cup fourth-round replay winner in February 2009. Of course, ITV selfishly cut to an advert mid-match, so you might not remember it.

 

CENTRAL MIDFIELDER: Tobias Linderoth
Signed by Walter Smith for £2.5million in early 2002, Swedish midfielder Tobias Linderoth spent just one month under the stewardship of the Scot before his sacking in March. David Moyes would replace him, but he was unconvinced by Smith’s parting gift. Linderoth did enjoy a handful of games, but it was Lee Carsley, signed in the same transfer window, who would make a central-midfield role his own alongside Thomas Gravesen.

 

CENTRAL MIDFIELDER: Alex Nyarko

“I’m finished with football. This man has done the same thing before. He came and offered me a black T-shirt for my blue one. So I have decided I am quitting football. I can’t live my life like this. I can live without football and that is what I am going to do. I came to this club when I would have been better off joining another one.”

Alex Nyarko would reverse his decision to retire from football completely after an Everton fan invaded the pitch during a 2001 game against Arsenal to offer him a mid-match shirt-swap, but the damage was done. He did not play again for the club until 2003 after that 4-1 defeat.

 

LEFT-WINGER: Milan Jovanovic
Can we all spare a minute for Liverpool’s summer 2010 transfer business? Out went Javier Mascherano, the arsehole-tearing Argentinean bound for Barcelona; in came Jonjo Shelvey, Danny Wilson, Joe Cole, Christian Poulsen, Brad Jones, Raul Meireles and Paul Konchesky. Oh, and Milan Jovanovic, who, despite joining on a free transfer from Standard Liege, cost altogether too much money. No wonder Roy Hodgson was sacked by January, never to be trusted with a transfer window again.

 

STRIKER: Denis Stracqualursi
It was back in August 2011 when David Moyes worked his transfer window magic at Everton. Goodison Park was in the cold grip of deadline day, the club having lost one and won one of their opening two Premier League games. Then they sold Mikel Arteta to Arsenal. Then they sold Jermaine Beckford to Leicester. Then they sold Yakubu to Blackburn. That left a slightly knackered Louis Saha as their starting striker, with Victor Anichebe and Apostolos Velios as back-up options. Moyes somehow managed to make matters even worse, as the hapless Denis Stracqualursi arrived on loan. He became something of a cult hero but, frankly, he was a bit rubbish.

 

STRIKER: Anthony Le Tallec
“It hurts when, after Liverpool, you play in smaller clubs. I did not realise that I was in a great club. I have regrets. When I see Torres, Tevez, who are of the same generation, I say to myself ‘s***’.

“My agent tells me: ‘Torres stole your career!”

Sure.


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