LIVERPOOL TO SIGN VARDY IN THE SUMMER
Strap in for your first dollop of transfer bullsh*t, with the Daily Star’s ‘exclusive’ about Jamie Vardy. That’s presumably because no other outlet would tout Liverpool as signing him at the end of the season.
We did laugh at the following line, at least: ‘Vardy, 29, is seen as a modern-day Ian Rush, the Liverpool legend who is now an Anfield ambassador.’ We’re gonna guess that that opinion is an ‘exclusive’, too.
The Star do have a source giving their take too: “Vardy is the right fit for Liverpool. He would suit their high-intensity game under Klopp, he runs the channels and he’s now demonstrated his goalscoring ability at the highest level. As a result of his success this season, all the big clubs are looking at him. But Liverpool look to be the favourites – if he decides to leave Leicester.”
We’ll be very surprised if Jurgen Klopp sees Vardy as the answer.
BARCELONA IN FOR RAMSEY
And straight to your second dollop of bullsh*t. We do hope you didn’t fill up on the first course.
It’s the Express this time, who roll two dice, one with a list of players and the other with clubs on. It’s come up with ‘Aaron Ramsey’ and ‘Barcelona’.
It’s an ‘exclusive’, of course, saying that Arsenal are ‘set to lose’ Ramsey.
‘Express Sport understand from sources close to Ramsey that the Gunners won’t deny the player the opportunity of joining the likes of Lionel Messi, Luis Suarez and Neymar at Barcelona next season,’ is the ballsiest line in the piece.
No explanation is given as to why Arsenal wouldn’t stand in his way, as if we’re somehow meant to see that as a logical move.
CHELSEA TO REPLACE TERRY WITH DANN?
Well, well. In the Sunday Mirror, Steve Stammers claims that Chelsea want to replace John Terry with Crystal Palace’s Scott Dann. While you process that information, let us also say that Stammers believe Chelsea will pay Dann £120,000 per week. Haha.
‘The 27-year-old can play on either side at centre-half but made his name in the Premier League at Birmingham City six years ago on the left of a defensive pairing,’ Stammers writes.
Nice try, but not only is Dann 28 rather than 27, he turns 29 next month.
Just a few other lines from Stammers in recent months: Chelsea and Tottenham to battle for Jackson Martinez, Bournemouth to sign Jermain Defoe from Sunderland, Arsenal to sign John Stones, Internazionale to sign Eden Hazard and Manchester City to sign Victor Andrade for £25m. You’ll forgive us for not getting ‘DANN’ printed on the back of a Chelsea shirt just yet.
AND THE REST
Chinese Super League side Jiangsu Suning are set to offer Yaya Toure a £230,000 per week contract and Manchester City £10 million… Chelsea are weighing up making a £20 million bid for Leicester City winger Riyad Mahrez… Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal has refused to allow Victor Valdes join Newcastle… Leicester City want to take Manchester United youngster Andreas Pereira on loan.