Judging England’s players v Scotland

JOE HART: The dearth of quality in this game was never better illustrated than by Joe Hart spending the first half trending on Twitter…for wearing a cap. Not a stetson or a homburg, but a baseball cap, like all goalkeepers wear when the sun is a problem. The only other interesting thing about the first half was that he dawdled on the ball and had his clearance charged down by Leigh Griffiths. “See,” screams Pep Guardiola somewhere.

And then he let in two goals in really quite quick succession. Neither were howlers, but it’s not a great look…

 

KYLE WALKER: Who wants to live in a world where the government is propped up by religious bigots and Kyle Walker is worth £60m? He is fast, he is willing, but is he clever enough to play against inferior opposition? “No,” screams Pep Guardiola somewhere. Or at least that’s what many Manchester City fans hoped as he was dispossessed while suffering one of his brain farts.

 

GARY CAHILL: The standing joke is that we reach the end of every England game and we do not have a single note for Gary Cahill. Not this time. The foul that led to Scotland’s equaliser was the cherry on top of some increasingly panicked defending.

 

CHRIS SMALLING: Should an international defender look so damned awkward on the ball? Should an international defender run around his weaker foot? If you’re going to dominate possession, it helps if your defenders do not look utterly petrified of the thing that you are trying to possess.

 

RYAN BERTRAND: Produced England’s first decent cross of the game in the 67th minute and did more than most to try and find a way through the Scotland defence, with three chances created – more than England’s starting three attacking midfielders managed in total.

 

ERIC DIER: Occasionally insipid, occasionally thuggish, often wasteful and far too often guilty of standing idly by when Scotland drove through the middle. The clue that Dier is not actually a brilliant defensive midfielder came last summer when his own club manager bought an actually brilliant defensive midfielder in Victor Wanyama. It is worth noting that Dier started only 11 Premier League games in that position last season; it showed. Even against Scotland’s limited talents, Dier looks out of his depth.

 

JAKE LIVERMORE: Played exactly as we would expect Jake Livermore to play; he was solid, busy and an early crunching tackle suggested he had the appetite for the mid-table slog that the game quickly became. But we do not want to watch Jake Livermore being Jake Livermore in an England shirt. Especially not alongside Eric Dier. So little creativity, so little finesse, so little variety. At times it looked like England were playing four centre-halves. Against sodding Scotland.

 

MARCUS RASHFORD: Frankly, he should be playing as a striker for the England Under-21s at a European Championship rather than wide on the right for England while Raheem Sterling and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain sit on the bench. He was really poor, either being too easily shrugged off the ball or losing the ball with an errant touch. Oh and his corners are sh*t too.

 

DELE ALLI: Awful. Maybe he just doesn’t like playing in the summer. He certainly doesn’t like keeping it simple – trying his trademark silly flicks and backheels, attempting the wrong balls at the wrong time, losing the ball in dangerous areas. Even when the ball broke to him during a goalmouth scramble, his first touch was abysmal. Once again, Alli looks shattered after a long season that ended in bitter disappointment.

 

ADAM LALLANA: The usual Lallana combination of pressing, harrying and tackling (no other English player got close to his five tackles), allied with creativity. There was the flick with the outside of the boot to set up Harry Kane’s best chance of the first half and the footwork and dummy that created his own first-half chance, before he dropped too deep in the second half in an attempt to make things happen. Oh and he should have done better with his header when set up by The Ox.

 

HARRY KANE: It was a game of five chances for Harry Kane. The first came from a Dier ball, beautifully controlled to take Charlie Mulgrew out of the game before he blazed over. The second was missed entirely when he temporarily lost control of his feet. The third was a long-distance lob that was at least on target. The fourth was a header straight at the goalkeeper from a Ryan Bertrand cross. Thankfully, the fifth was a goal. Redemption is thine.

 

SUBS

ALEX OXLADE-CHAMBERLAIN (on for Rashford, 65):  Arguably should have started – either in midfield to break up the Dier-Livermore partnership of despair, or on the right. His direct running and persistence brought England’s opener with a little help from Craig Gordon, apparently a traditionalist when it comes to comedy Scottish goalkeeping. He then clipped in a lovely cross that Lallana really should have converted. Not bad for a 14-touch game.

 

RAHEEM STERLING (on for Alli, 84): When literally the only thing you do is create the late equaliser, you have made your point.

 

JERMAIN DEFOE (on for Livermore, 94): Never touched the ball. Flawless.

 

Sarah Winterburn