Mails: A fraud XI with no Mesut Ozil?

Date published: Thursday 28th July 2016 9:54

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A Paul Pogba poem, because why not?
Turning and turning in the widening Premier League
The Red Devils cannot catch the Foxes;
Things fall apart; the centre midfielders cannot hold;
The Special One is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The naivety of tactical innocence is drowned;
The best lack all attacking conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate John Terry-like intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Bianconeri
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of the Old Lady,
A €120 million price tag as large and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its majestic French thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant LVG signings.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That thirty-eight months of post-SAF sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Manchester to be born?
Will Keane Yeats (MUFC)


Why the outrage over Raiola?
Why is the media so obsessed that Pogba’s agent Mino Raiola will get £20m if Man Utd are stupid enough to spunk up £100m for his client?

Football agents have always been paid 15% to 20% Why would Raiola be different? It’s just maths.

If they offered £20m he would get £4m. They have offered £100m so it’s £20m #maths&facts
Mark R, CFC


Benteke to Arsenal?
– Composed finisher √
– Target man to have the flair players run around √
– Aerial threat √
– Young with experience in EPL √
– Available at a decent price √
– Willing to leave the parent club for more game time √
Is it just me or is anyone else also perturbed by the lack of interest in Benteke by Arsene. Not that I in any way hope/expect him to buy him, but it’s strange there have not even been any rumours…

Am I missing something here?
The Smoking Gunner


Suddenly Liverpool have a full-back shortage
Given that the Cherries have now officially confirmed the signing of Brad Smith I am finally sending the email that I drafted a few days ago.

I know we still have a monthish of the transfer window left but as it stands Liverpool have somehow managed to get to the point of only having one designated, first team full back for either side. I know the left back issue has been long been discussed but if Clyne gets injured we have either Flanagan (or not if he’s on loan) or Connor Randall who is not good enough for the right back slot.

Don’t get me wrong I would like to see another local lad make it through as much as the next man but I haven’t seen anything from Randall to persuade me he isn’t anything other than championship quality. It’s quite worrying that adequate deputies or – in the case of Moreno – actual improvements haven’t been brought in while we gorge ourselves on midfielders. And having central defenders who can “do a job there” doesn’t count either.

I’m hoping that Klopp has something special up his sleeve or we are two injuries away from facing Sanchez, Martial, Hazard etc. with the Premier League equivalent of knock-off condoms (doesn’t stop anything getting through and one way or another you’ll pay for it for a long time after).
Carl (maybe Mane and Wijnaldum are full backs. They’d still be better than Can) the Welsh


A fraud XI (but no Ozil?)
Nice idea on the overrated XI. I’ve tried to leave out players who were once overrated but whom the majority have now come to their senses on such as Walcott, Fellaini or Wilshere. It’s difficult not to go with English players as by nature you overhype your players after one good game. Gone with 3 at the back and all current players. Not all of these players are necessarily crap, but people seem to think they are far better than they are, hence they meet the fraud criteria. Here’s my Fraud XI.

GK – Jasper Cillessen
Finding a keeper was hard but he made a bad mistake last night so came to mind. I couldn’t believe he started in the World Cup for Holland and looked like he actually was trying to get out of the way when it came to the shootout in the semi final.

CB – Simon Kjaer
Always bandied about as being potentially class and linked to top clubs, the fact he went to Turkey just as he should have been coming into his peak years says it all.

CB – Adil Rami
No surprise France looked more solid when Umtiti came in

CB – David Luiz
Sideshow Bob is a great character in the Simpsons. Luiz has the same hair and provides as many laughs with his attempts to defend

RM – Jesus Navas
Yet to actually complete a cross in his career. Also afraid to shoot

CM – Eric Dier
English fans/media/F365 claimed he was England’s key player… You do realise that playing holding midfield against a team that has 10 men behind the ball means he had nothing to do right? Scored a good goal in fairness but look at him for the second Iceland goal and just laugh

CM – Marek Hamsik
Captain of the SS Fraudulence at Napoli. Everyone seems to think he’s brilliant, when he’s just not. At all. Which is of course the definition of a fraud. Is this because of Football Manager? Because I remember I bought him a few years back and he was amazing for me in it. Yes, I know he scored a screamer against Russia, but then proceeded to be completely anonymous against Germany in the biggest game.

LM – Hulk
A horrific footballer. Yet you have to admire him because he knows he’s terrible. Which is why he went to Zenit and then China to cash in on his fraudulent reputation, rather than go to a decent team/league.

RF – Ezequiel Lavezzi
Good in about 3 games in every 10. Another that’s gone to China because FRAUD.

ST – Danny Welbeck
Cannot understand the love for him from F365. His greatest skill is chasing down back passes to the keeper. Has a unique ability to turn a simple chance missed into a “great effort”.

LF – Marko Arnautovic
Couldn’t control the ball for Austria at the Euros.

Honorable mentions to the whole Spurs squad, especially Kane (think the mailbox would go into overdrive if I’d included him so I decided against it), and any player who has taken the big bucks over in China (I’m looking at you Alex Teixeira).

There’s a few hallmarks of a fraud such as playing for Spurs or Napoli (don’t ask me why it’s just the way it goes and no I’m not an Arsenal fan), coming from the Eredivisie or Ligue 1, signing off the back of a good international tournament etc. Look out for these tell-tale signs and your club can successfully avoid falling for the fraud trap!
Shane (As soon as I send this I’ll think of a few better options which will annoy the hell out of me), Ireland


…And a late addition
Oh God I forgot Schurrle!! An abysmal footballer, put him in instead of Arnautovic!
Shane, (No time for brackets, no fraud team is complete without Schurrle!) Ireland


Yeah, you can really have Balotelli if you want
Tom, the Gunner, I have but one thing to say to you: you can bloody well have Balotelli. We’ve been wanting rid of him since about three months into his stint with us, when Sturridge got injured and there was only Sterling to do the running for him.

The reasons you give for why you think he’d be a perfect fit for Arsenal perfectly summarise why you would both be perfect for one another: Arsenal and Balotelli are up their own backsides and think they’re far better than they actually are, yet flatter to deceive at every turn.

I’m still baffled by how there are still so many Liverpool fans that are just desperate for Jurgen to give him ‘one more chance’. Just because he does well for you in FIFA or FM does not mean he’s actually that good.

A second point I’d like to raise, is why so many fans of so-called ‘big’ clubs (and this includes my own – Liverpool) are concerned by how much their respective clubs are spending on single signings. Liverpool fans whine about this more than most.

But guys, as much as you might like to pretend it’s our money (y’know, we all go the game, and that), it really isn’t. And you know what, if my club wants to splash £30-40 million here and there I really don’t mind at all. It isn’t coming out of my bank account (at least not directly), and if FSG sanctioned only £4-5 million moves each summer, I’d still go to watch them play.

So stop worrying, boys and girls.. as the Kolo meme says ‘there is no need to be upset’.
DT, Liverpool


Deserved hate for Steady and love for Di Maria
I was reading Matt Stead’s The 15 most expensive stars ever in cumulative fees when I stumbled on a few lines regarding Angel di Maria I really am starting to get annoyed with, and I am an Arsenal fan.

“If we’re being honest, Manchester United are trying to sign Paul Pogba for one reason, and one reason only: They want everyone to forget about Angel di Maria. The £59.7m they paid Real Madrid for the winger’s services in 2014 remains a British record, and has so far stood the test of these ridiculous transfer times. One year and countless disappointments later, PSG came to his rescue to the tune of a lot of money.”

Angel di Maria came to Manchester United being the man of the match in the UCL final the season before, helping Real Madrid end their long wait for La Decima. Furthermore, his last season in Real Madrid saw him brilliantly adapt to being a no. 10 after Ozil’s departure after playing most of his career as a winger.

It is quite obvious news that skillful, slender players of the likes of di Maria, Ozil and Silva need at least a season to get acclimatized to the Premier League. The EPL is one of the most physical leagues in the world, and players of this type need to change their styles and their workout routines completely to get used to it. Despite this, di Maria was quite brilliant in his first few months at United.

Then, he got injured in the middle, came back in January and then struggled to replicate his best form. This was because of many reasons (van Gaal playing him in various positions that don’t suit him and subsequently losing trust in him, his struggle to regain form due to being rushed back from injury and not getting enough time in a settled role to get back his magical touch, etc.).

Ozil’s first season at Arsenal was possibly even worse than di Maria’s. He looked off the pace, unable to produce his trademark defence-splitting passes at a regular rate and always disappeared for long stretches in games. His second season was riddled with injury, but he spent time conditioning himself to be more effective.

The results were there for all to see last season where he was unequivocally the best playmaker in the league, and would have had a lot more assists if our strikers weren’t so profligate/injured. Even David Silva had an extremely quiet start to his City career but has now become one of their leaders and will go down as a City legend.

The point is, why not give more time to a player we all know is special when it has been proved that these kind of players become legends if given patience? They took a 15 million loss on di Maria and bought Depay, who was positively rancid last season. Every time I saw him play, I was like “Wow, I think even Jesus Navas might be more effective”.

I can count with one hand the amount of games he made any kind of impact, and I’m not even talking about match-winning ones. The constant quotes saying he can be the next Ronaldo look really off the mark, don’t they? Yet, he is being given a second chance to prove his worth, as he should. He was the best player at the Dutch league when he joined United. B

y that rationale, why not give a second chance to a player who has won multiple league titles in different countries, and was arguably Real Madrid’s best player in the season they won La Decima? Maybe he would have turned out good, maybe not. I guess we’ll never know, so it is absolutely unwarranted to continuously think of him as the black hole of British record transfers.
Shoubhik, India


Other people liked this free content but I didn’t. So see ya.
Long term reader of the site, but recently I must say the content has been really poor. There are mostly articles on the site now, “5 players who”…”7 of the best..”.

Even this morning “The 15 most expensive stars ever in cumulative fees”. What kind of statistic is cumulative fees? Who cares? Well the answer is some idiots care and click the article, but if the poor quality content continues when the season starts I for one won’t be continuing visiting the site.
Eric – Bored at work
(One a day of those articles, sometimes two if we have time. We actually think they are quite interesting and enjoyable to write/read. It’s hardly like a Daily Star-style ‘five players’ article which is a link to a gallery. There are actual words in them; yesterday’s example contained 720 words.) 

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