Mails: Don’t laugh at Arsenal until August 31…

Not bad when nothing is going on. Mail us at theeditor@football365.com

 

Hold your horses, Daniel…
Nice article this morning about things never changing at Arsenal. And by nice, I mean ridiculous.

I mean, yes, Ivan Gazidis’ talk about lady season being “a catalyst for change” is laughable, especially in the context of Wenger being given a new deal (if there’s one thing he’s proven in 20 years at The Arsenal it’s that he doesn’t like change), but still, come on.

United signed Pogba late in the transfer window last season, because big transfers take time to complete. Would they have been better off to rush through some deal for another player? If Arsenal are serious about changing their approach and targeting some truly special and desirable players such as Mbappe (rather than picking up players no one else seems to want, or those cast off by the big clubs they’re already at) then you can expect these deals to take time to close.

Also, comparing Arsenal to clubs like Manchester City who have bottomless pits of cash and to whom £50m is a drop in the ocean isn’t realistic. Arsenal are right to be careful and try to get the best value from a transfer, City simply don’t need to and can therefore prioritize closing their deals.

No one has won the transfer window yet and it’s not the right time to laugh at Arsenal. That may well come on 31st August when we’ve just signed Kylian Enthusiasmé, the unknown French player just back from a long-term injury who Arsene says is world class, but until then let’s not get ahead of ourselves eh?
Spike the Gooner (in Thailand, of Huddersfield)

 

Oh and…
Great read from Daniel Storey. However calling Sead Koli Kolinis Kolinsi, oh let’s just call him Sead, a poor man’s Ricardo Rodriguez when he was voted in the Bundesliga team of the year ahead of him is just wrong. Seems to me like he is re-inforcing Arsene;s comment in regard to Rob Holding – ‘if he doesn’t cost 50 million he can’t be any good’

I recognise the article was designed to highlight Arsenal’s failings in the transfer market and contract negotiations, however if rumours are to be believed Milan actually had Sead as their first choice for left-back this summer too and after he chose Arsenal they then signed Rodriguez! But of course he’s immediately better because he cost 17 million.
Tommy Hannan

 

…I agree with almost everything Storey has said. Time and again contract negotiations are left too late at Arsenal. We mock S**** for doing endless contract negotiations like a new signing, but they regularly reward top play with a new contract. Doesn’t matter if you are at the beginning, middle or end, they ensure their best players are on contract more often than not.

However, to say that Sead Kolašinac is the bargain option isn’t really fair. He was voted ahead of Rodriguez, who was mentioned above him in the article, as the Bundesliga Left-Back of the year. And ahead of Alaba of Bayern as well. He plays for a team that finished 10th in the league as well. Whoscored rating of 7.38 across four different positions and he is a tank which brings some of the steel we keep asking for.

I will bash Arsenal’s transfer policy as much as the next man, but I think the first transfer this summer was a very good one. Now we just wait for that to the only one we make…
Rob A (he’s also only 24) AFC

 

We are THE Arsenal
As someone who sort of does sort of marketing as part of a hobby, unfortunately if we’re talking about it, it’s sort of worked. Especially when it’s so ripe for parody:

We are THE Arsenal.
We are THE move to a quiet stadium.
We are THE forefront of obscene ticket prices.
We are THE big club who since 2004 have barely come close to winning the title, despite claiming we’re in contention.
We are THE Fourth Place Trophies.
We are THE players returning from injury “are like new signings”.
We are THE favourite club of Piers Morgan.
We are THE top top oi oi lads will be hashtags lads banter bantz about winter coats and zips.
We are THE ones calling for “Wexit”.
Since 1997

WE ARE THE FOOTBALL365 MAILBOX.

I’ve also been calling them The Arsenal at every opportunity, so I’m glad to see the club revive this.
Ed Quoththeraven

 

What are we missing?
What will it take for the Premier League and the associated clubs to become European power houses again, and when is it likely to happen?

I would settle for meaningful participation, by that I don’t mean simply going far in the competition, but going into it with the fans thinking “We have a chance of winning this”, as opposed to what I feel now which is “this will be fun and we could go far until we hit Barca/Bayern/Real, then we’ll definitely be out”.

Also, to clarify; by ‘Europe’ I mean Champions League and not the other cup – which I see as the UEFA equivalent of your mum giving your younger brother sweets too, even though you are the one who succeeded at something ‘just to be fair’.

With the PL, we have the most money, best fanbase, best stadia (few exceptions aside), best managers…etc what are we missing?
Simon ([{}]) Manchester

(The best players? – Ed)

 

Even Liverpool fans admire King Eric
I’ve never met Howard Wilkinson, I likely never will. I’ve no great complusion to do so and unlikely I’ll ever be near his haunts. But if ever I were to meet him the first and only thing I’d ask him is how he feels at being responsible for the worst transfer decision of all time. Selling one Eric Cantona for an (even then) paltry £1,000,000 to Alexander Ferguson of Manchester United. It will be his legacy, his epitaph and I genuinely think he should be reminded of it at every possible turn. Old Howie makes S*uness look positively accomplished in the transfer market.

Great article by Steven Chicken on Eric Cantona by the way. You know you’re dealing with a glory-hunting, telly-clapping clueless United fan (is there ever any other kind) when they fart out that Eric Cantona wasn’t all that because he never really turned up in Europe…

Bless them.
Gregory Whitehead, LFC

 

Don’t worry about Salah
Mark B, HK, needn’t worry about how Salah will cope playing against teams that sit deep and don’t give up space in behind. I’m a Roma fan and can assure him that Salah isn’t only effective when given lots of space. His pace is a huge asset and he’s a real threat on the counter attack, but sometimes his pace obscures his other qualities and people assume he’s a bit of a one-dimensional speed merchant.

He’s really good in tight spaces, has great close control and is a master of coming off the right wing and playing quick give-and-go passing combinations, as you can see from this goal against Genoa:

He is also very good at breaking down opposition teams that sit deep, not necessarily by threading the needle with his passing, rather through his clever off the ball movement, like in for this goal Dzeko scored against Crotone:

His movement creates a bit of space in behind even the deepest defence, and his decision making and final ball are perfect to set up the tap in.

Basically, Salah is just as dangerous when teams sit deep and try to deny him space, he’s just dangerous in a different way.
Tom Brooks

 

Arguing that Hartson = Raul
Since we’re knee deep in silly season with only our memories of football to keep us company I’d like to ask readers: What’s the most indefensible argument you’ve ever tried to make about football? For me, it was trying to convince someone that John Hartson played a similar role for Celtic that Raul did for Real Madrid.

Some context. I was a Scotsman staying in London with some friends of friends and not knowing each other very well we bonded over football. All time top XIs, etc. Being Londoners there was a lot of Man Utd heavy chat and a touch of dismissal of Scottish football in general which, considering this was the season after Celtic had reached the UEFA cup final, grated a little. One night after the pub, I tried to illustrate the entertaining and at times dominant football that Celtic played not just domestically, but also in Europe. My example being that Henrik Larsson’s ability as a creator and finisher, propensity for scoring in big games, all round technique, instincts and importance to the team put him on a par with Raul. They often scored similar types of goals and I felt Larsson could do it on a similar stage to Raul too, which he proved when he went to Barcelona. A few minutes in and I was genuinely baffled by their incredulous response. And then I realised that in my drunkenness I’d said ‘Hartson’ instead of ‘Larsson’. And because of said drunkenness, rather than admit my mistake I stubbornly doubled down and spent a fruitless and embarrassing ten minutes trying to find reasons why John Hartson was on a par with Raul. It went as well as you’d imagine.

It feels good to get this off my chest as it’s been a source of shame for nearly 15 years now. And on the off-chance that those guys are reading this right now I’d like to say sorry. A combination of a drunken slip of the tongue and my own pig-headedness forced me into making such a ludicrous, indefensible argument. But which of us can say that we haven’t done the same at some point…Just me then?
Grant, (I’ll get my coat) Edinburgh

 

Mama should have taught me how to pass…
After reading Phil – San Diego’s mail this morning about football fallacies, I felt inclined to bring up a particular bugbear of mine that so frequently gets mentioned over the course of 90 minutes.

I’m referring to the lazy observation that everyone’s favourite Koala bear cuddling defender, Mamadou Sakho, is a liability with the ball at his feet. Look, I’ll give everyone a bit of wiggle room here. Yes, he looks awkward as f**k each time he unnaturally contorts his body in order to pass it to the player 3 feet away. Yes, he is liable to perform all manner of other questionable reactions when the ball is headed his way (tackle a teammate, tackle the sky, tackle the ref if necessary). And Yes, from a distance (an extremely long distance possibly involving a pair of binoculars and a time machine) he could be mistaken for the legendary roulette-turning, champions league winning Djimi Traore.

However, when the time, and pressure, to play the ball comes – Sakho has been nothing but reliable. A quick look at his stats (from whoscored, this is the definitive way to determine good players from bad in 2017, right?) confirms what I’ve always believed. It’s a myth.

Sakho:
16/17 – Pass completion 83.9% Avg Passes per game – 27.9 (These stats aren’t great, admittedly, but given Palace’s tactics, or lack thereof, it makes sense)
15/16 – Pass completion 87.9% Avg Passes per game – 56.5
14/15 – Pass completion 89.4% Avg Passes per game – 57
13/14 – Pass completion 92.5% Avg Passes per game – 51.2

Now, I have no idea what these numbers mean. So I did some comparisons. And a brief overview of the most recent stats from other teams that see a lot of the ball:

Vertonghen – Pass completion 85.3% Avg Passes per game – 62.2
Kompany – Pass completion 88% Avg Passes per game – 50.7
Koscielny – Pass completion 87.9% Avg Passes per game – 50.5

I don’t know about you, but to me, this seems to compare pretty favourably. Which is why it irks me the first, and most of the subsequent, time in a game that Sakho receives the ball, the commentator laments that a mistake is inevitably only seconds away. The opinion of the narrator is infectious, to the point where viewers will adopt an opinion as their own. There was absolutely a time early in his first season, where Sakho made a few mistakes in a row and it seems like no amount of improvement can ever paint a different opinion of him.

With all that being said, I have to change my pants and keep a defibrillator on standby for each time he backheels it through the legs of two onrushing strikers. Sakho, I love you, you mental bastard. Now, get the hell off my team.
Ryan, LFC

 

Football parlance pedantry
Interesting mail from Phil in San Diego about football fallacies. This one’s probably been mentioned before (likely in the mailbox itself), but the term ‘roof of the net’, when used for the inside of the goal, always seriously gets on my nerves.

I mean, it’s quite clearly the ceiling of the net. The roof of the net would obviously be the top. It’s not that hard. I know ‘ceiling of the net’ doesn’t roll off the tongue that easily, but it’s the accuracy of the statement that should matter, right?

Pedantically yours,
DJ, MUFC India

 

…As the mailbox seems to be pretty slow I thought I’d contribute a public service announcement which is actually a thinly veiled attempt to address something that winds me up. A common fallacy is that you can ‘swallow your tongue’. I work as a doctor in elite football and have to remind players to leave their colleagues alone (I’m not quick but usually on the pitch with the player within a few seconds) as having them jamming their fingers in the mouth of the casualty is far from ideal. It’s something I hear from commentators and ‘medical’ TV shows all the time so I’m trying to shoehorn it in here simply to remove this cultural blight from the media and help my blood pressure.
Dr C

 

Ch-ch-ch-changes
There seem to be a lot of law changes going on these days, about 25 years had passed since the backpass rule was implemented and nothing much changed and now we have the new kick-off, goal-line tech and a load of other changes being proposed and tested.

VAR – this is a good thing but needs to be ironed out. It seems farcical at the moment but we need time to get used to it and refs need time to know how/when to use it.
Penalty shoot-outs – the ABBA rule, seems like a good idea to me, although massive pressure on the first taker I think.
Fourth sub in ET – obvious, not sure why this wasn’t introduced long ago.

30min halves – I don’t get this one, it results in the same amount of playing time as we have already, but as someone said yesterday it means people are still going to waste time as they know they won’t get penalised as much. I’d prefer to keep at 45 minutes but tighten up on time wasting. Stop blowing the whistle for every small contact, it’s a contact sport. If a player goes down injured and wants treatment then they have to stay off for minimum 2 minutes from the restart of play, this would stop fakers and let genuinely injured players have a small rest and get treatment. Yes it would penalise teams that have been fouled and have a player injured but I maintain that if you are hurt enough to need a medical professional to give you treatment then you probably need two mins rest at least Give yellow cards more frequently for timewasting, even in the first half. I remember Stoke went two up at White Hart Lane and Begovic was booked in the first half for timewasting, but continued for the rest of the match without further sanction. Send him off!

Two things that fell by the wayside during last season – remember there were new guidelines about respecting referees last summer? As far as I can tell they had absolutely no effect. A proper movement to respect referees I think could have a hugely significant and positive impact on the quality of refereeing. I hate the whole “look at how rugby do it” brigade, but this is one area where we really should look at how rugby do it. Also, remember when lots of penalties were given at the start of last season for pulling in the box? I might be wrong but it seems to me that the referees blinked first and stopped giving them before they players stopped doing it.

And let’s get working on GPS technology to sort offsides out once and for all!
Kevin G

 

More randomness please
In response to Ed Quoththeraven this morning and not entirely serious rule changes.

Cast your mind back several years to the grand prix in Brazil (stay with me please)….

At one point in the race due to some rain falling near the circuit a small stream appeared on the track and caused what was otherwise a dry race to have one wet corner. Cue several hilarious moments as Formula 1 drivers failed to cope with the variable conditions. It still remains the most entertaining motor race ever. I then decided that the one rule in Formula One which would save the sport would be to have sprinklers all around the track come on and off randomly during the race.

In this vein I would like to propose the following rule changes as we all know every good contest requires an element of random chance.

All penalty takers to be chosen by lot. This will include all members of the team and staff who are allowed to be pitch side. Just imagine when the fat translator at Chelsea gets to take a pen to decide a big cup match.

One random corner of the pitch to have a sprinkler which is left on all game. Some pitches will turn into bogs and we will see a return of the 80’s long punt up the pitch which doesn’t bounce but in August and May you will just have one part of the pitch which will allow mammoth sliding tackles which everyone likes to see also when some players forget which part of the pitch is wet and try the slide in a dry part that would be really funny.

Once a match a random animal is released onto the field of play and play continues even as the handlers try to get it under control. Not so bad if it is a pigeon. Funnier if it is a skunk. Terrifying if it is a Honey Badger.

Silly season really is in full swing. However I still think the Formula 1 idea is a goer.
Simon, Woking

 

…Ed Quoththeraven’s penalty shootout rule is actually one of the better rule changes I’ve ever heard muted.

Goalkeepers stay consistent during shootouts because that’s their specialism. The current system of rotating every player on the pitch in taking a penalty, forcing the non-specialists to ‘have a go’, is as ludicrous as rotating the players between the sticks with every kick as well, which now I think about it, is either fantastic or silly, I can’t decide.

I’d actually go one further than Ed’s suggestion and say that there should only be one nominated taker per team. Think of the added drama of the on-going psychological battles – does Kane audaciously triple bluff and tuck it into the left corner for a third straight penalty…? I’m on the edge of my seat.
James (Warrington Rugby League fan now the football season is over), Manchester

 

A wonderful mail, my arse
‘Eating a Big Mac on the M40 at 2.30am does make you wonder what you’re doing with your life.’ Really? That was the bit that made you wonder? Not leaving your wife and kids; not having to do a coach journey with a bunch of wallys and weirdos; not spending the whole day in pursuit of 90 minutes of football that you could get a better view of at home; not having to start a coach journey home with the couple behind you having a picnic;etc.

The only part of your day that doesn’t sound like utter hell is the match itself which seems entirely incidental in your account. Don’t get me wrong, horses for courses, each to their own, live and let live etc. but f***ing hell…

A wonderful mail my arse, it was tragicomedy worthy of Steve Coogan. It was all there: waking up and kissing your sleeping kids goodbye, knowing deep down that you’re doing the wrong thing; the glorification of a long, near silent coach journey and generally crap experiences all day (queues for the loos, generic repetitive chit chat, bad pies, watery beer…); and finishing off with a mockney sounding call to arms of “doing” Sunderland away.
Matt, (likes football a lot, but not more than my wife (most of the time) or my kids (all of the time), AFC

 

An open mail to Sarah…
Sarah, I can talk about Denis Law for a long, long time. About how he’s one of my footballing heroes. About how I tended to watch him, personally, at Old Trafford rather than the game at large, such was his on-field personality. How he was able to do impossibly high overhead-kicks and how excellent he was at headers. And, as slight as he was, how he never backed down from a confrontation or a tackle. And, finally, about how his excellent acceleration off the mark over the first, important, 3 or 4 yards was just breathtaking.

Are you yawning yet, Sarah? Well wake up!

My point, if I’ve even got one? Well, Huddersfield signed Law as a slight youngster with a squint in one eye and, in the words of their manager of the time, he was”… weak, puny and bespectacled.” (Thank you Wiki for the exact wording). Huddersfield had a budding world-class player on their hands, a future Ballon d’Or winner no less, and one of the most feisty, entertaining players of all time, in my view, yet failed to recognise it. Fair enough, it’s a fairly common occurrence with teenagers but this was Denis f**king Law, for God’s sake.

But, what’s the chances of Huddersfield discovering another diamond in the rough. Well it’s probably on a par with a Yorkshire lass not drinking a pint of beer that she’d paid for with hard brass, even knowing that her mates had all pissed in her glass. It’s as likely as United re-signing Ronaldo. Still, we can all dream and fantasize, can’t we? Hell, I still dream of another Law at Old Trafford and we’ve got loadsamoney.

So, Sarah, do you fantasize about Huddersfield discovering another Law and keeping him this time? Because, as a Manchester United fan of many decades, I still do. He would add so much personality and entertainment value to a fairly bland Premiership.

Oh, and Sarah, if you are perhaps struggling to think of a subject to write about during this period of transfer speculation and outrageous, made-up stories to fill newspaper columns, may I suggest you consider an article on the rise and rise of player agents and the fees they demand. I think you’ll do it justice but, if not you, someone else should consider it. I don’t have the resources to do something like this. Just a thought.
Jonesey, Melbourne

 

Everybody cares about transfers
I’m a Port Vale fan and there was a thread started on onevalefan.co.uk on the 30th May with the snappy title ‘Signings?’. This thread is currently 87 pages long and has 135,567 views. There’s also a ‘Signings – Part 2’ thread that’s a further 18 pages long with another 19,124 views.

Life is no different in the lower leagues than the top eight of the Premier League – it’s just that we talk about worse players from less glamorous places.
Simon (hoping we win some games in League 2), Essex

 

Littlejohn: A reminder
Thanks for reminding people Richard Littlejohn supports Spurs – I find him way more reprehensible than Piers Morgan and consider Michael Winner’s taking him down a peg or two (look it up on YouTube) as the late film director’s finest hour.
Graham Simons, Gooner, (our most famous fan was delivering a speech to Parliament today), Norf London