Mails: Liverpool just need a crap scorer

Date published: Sunday 31st January 2016 11:37

Send your mails to


What Liverpool really need
Might just be a £30m attacking midfielder. But then we’d never see the delightfully appointed Lazar again. But I think its simpler than that. They need a crap goal scorer.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean a bad one. I mean someone who always hits the target from 10 yards out. Who runs up and down the middle of the pitch. A predator. A goal hanger. Someone happy with 5 touches a game if they get 3 shots and a goal out of it. A RvN. A Lineker. They’ve enough players who score special goals. What they need is someone who can score ordinary ones. Quite often. They’re not really that fashionable anymore apparently. Scorers of boring goals – no ‘tekkers’ videos on youtube. I’d like to think there must be a couple out there somewhere. Surely those moneyball guys could crunch some data and find a couple.
Matt “I suppose a crap centre back or two wouldn’t hurt either” Hanchett


Ten conclusions
*Derby are bobbins. If by some nefarious means they get promoted this season they will get smashed next year.

*Rooney was offside but, you know, he’s one closer to that record (the other one) and to be fair to him, it was a nice finish.

*I’m assuming the Derby players thought Fellaini had bees in his hair, as he wasnt challenged once in the air all evening.

*Martial is tasty tasty at times.

*Robbie Savages hair looked like it was going to leave his head and attack Lineker ala an alien facehugger last night. Everyone looked nervous.

*The real winners here are Leicester, City, Arsenal and Tottenham. With a piss poor championship side dispatched, LVG will keep his job a while longer, guaranteeing the current top four CL football next year.

*Danny Murphy really does have a thing for Rooney doesnt he?

*Derby were bobbins

*I was about to write an email at half time, simply saying ‘They are just passing it sideways’ but then they passed it forward so I deleted it.

*Martial, Mata and Roondog are a good front three, but the rest is an omnishambles of the highest order. Long may it continue!


Daley mails
So after his expert run and finish today, is Daley Blind also the answer to United’s lack of performing-at-par strikers?

Seriously this guy is fast becoming John O’Shea 2.0 (and I don’t mind that at all, infact I love it).

I just wonder if he’ll ever have a place in center midfield again at United.
Emad MUFC (Wazza’s goal) Boston


Just want to send a mail on one of my favourite players, Daley Blind. I’m not blind (sorry) to his faults but he’s a lovely player to watch. Confident to take the ball where ever, reads the game so well, a great passer and can finish too.

His post match interview tonight was Total Football.

Paraphrasing ‘I found myself near the goal so I thought i should keep going and then I thought I should do what a striker should do and go to the near post so i did and I score’ . He couldn’t be more Dutch if he was cycling through a field of tulips wearing clogs and eating some mildly flavored cheese baked.
Patrick, Man Utd, Galway


Fellaini can go and sh*te
I do my best to avoid saying a side should play this way or that as a result of their history because most of the time it’s complete crap (the high point being West Ham last year in top half claiming Big Sam wasn’t playing the ‘West Ham Way’).

But anyway, Fellaini can go and sh*te, he is the worst piece of sh*t of a player. It’s embarrassing that he gets into a united team.

Yeah he was great for Everton blah blah blah. Let him marouane himself somewhere else, in other words he can felluck off.

And this is speaking after a United win.
Royston Queen


Liverpool in a dark alley
It’s half time in the reds game, and I’m thinking… I wouldn’t mind meeting Liverpool in a dark alley. They just don’t seem dangerous at all.

I’d probably come away with their wallet and trousers. Not that there’s much in the wallet.

Dunno why the trousers though….
Neill (the backstreet bandit) Manley. Saudi Arabia


The future
“Mousa Dembele plays it to Moussa Dembele, Dembele passes it back, Dembele feeds Dembele in the box, Dembele scores!!!!”

Literally cant wait


More clone teams
Gonna go left field and say that (whilst there are definitely better options….even those who’ve played for Liverpool in the last calendar year) – a player who could certainly put in a shift in this context is one Jordan Henderson….wait….hear me out…

I’m not even going to take the tack of saying that it’s just about his absolutely frightening work rate. The thing that I so admire about the lad (and what makes him a worthy LFC captain regardless of the MOTD fans who don’t see the whole picture by half) is his absolute willingness to learn.

When he arrived at Liverpool he was a promising young midfielder with surprisingly little to set himself apart. But he learned. He is strong, fit, can pass simply or with more panache, tackle and score different types of goals (albeit a 1 in 5 shots kind of record). You can spot his development year on year as he ticks off weaknesses.

He has learned to become more than competent on all the above fronts and is young enough that he can still add consistency to the headline numbers (goals and assists) and become a very important player for club and country.

But for me the thing he’s really added and which (somewhat bizarrely) is being questioned at present – he’s become a leader. His importance to Liverpool as a player is high. His importance as a leader is higher. Look at him facing down Costa, giving his all till the last second, being genuinely and obviously gutted if we concede or lose or he misplaces a pass. Compare that to a Lovren or a Skrtel. He’s still playing through the pain of his most recent injury and Klopp has stated time and time again how highly he rates him. Sounds like captain material.

Now there are better options for this than him, a team of Zidanes, Suarezs (imagine how fun that would be), Gerrards, Gullits, Keanes, Vieiras etc but none of their teams would get an easy game against Hendo XI and for me that speaks volumes about his worthiness for the armband.
Tom (Liverpool) – Raul on Portrait of an Icon please


There can be only one answer for the team of Clones.

John O’Shea. With his adaptability you could even bring a John O’Shea off the bench with a change of formation if you needed to score/shore up the defence. From his goalkeeping exploits against Spurs to his chip against Arsenal, that boy could do it all.
Colin, (where did all the ability go when he went to Sunderland?) Watford FC


A clone team of one player? Ridiculously simple, in my eyes. Just as ridiculously simple as it was a few years ago when Yaya Toure was a force of nature in midfield. Over any other team of 11, I would have a team of 11 of the next-Vieira, the next-Yaya, the next-whatever: Paul Pogba.

The kid can do anything: score, dribble, pass, defend, run around for ages, show English passion, even do the Dab. A team of Pauls would be ridiculous.
Ahad (the mouth salivates uncontrollably at the fantasy team prospect of Pogba joining messrs Neymar, Suarez and Messi)

More Related Articles