Mails: Messi and Ronaldo are just Milners 2.0

Date published: Friday 16th October 2015 9:27

Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo are just better James Milners. Also, the Ox is more Victor Moses than Gareth Bale, and a defence of Joe Allen.

If you have anything to add on any subject, you know what to do – mail


The Ox more Moses than Bale
What a load of boll-ox

As a die hard gooner and an honest one (wenger out), I can say that The Ox is nothing more than an energetic player who shows the occasional glimpse of something special.

Any comparisons to Bale at his age are laughable. Whereas Bale would take on two players with extreme pace, control and guile before offloading a thunderbolt with precision into the top corner.

The Ox will be a little lucky with going past his opponents and not be totally in control of the ball and his thunderbolt into the top corner is usually:

a) row z
b) close to the corner flag
c) a really bad cross to no one
d) stumbled out for a corner

We have Kieran Gibbs to do nothing other than win corners we don’t need another corner winner.

He has become one of our most frustrating players to watch. Don’t think Bale……..think Victor Moses.
Frankie AFC (still have him over Gervinho though)


Messi/Ronaldo = Milner 2.0
Actually agree with JazGooner on this, since Messi and Ronaldo started smashing records and picking up Ballon D’ors like they were kebabs at the end of a night out, it feels that everything has gotten too predictable. Even the years when others should have won, Sneijder 2010 being a prime example, it always seemed inevitable that one of the two would clinch it.

Over the 7 years before they started their tug of war over said trophy we had seven different winners, and winners of different types too, with midfield maestros like Kaka, Ronaldinho and Nedved, the clinical finishers of Ronaldo and Shevchenko, a titan of a defender in Cannavaro and the world’s greatest pundit in Michael Owen (just look at his self commentary whilst scoring here). They say variety is the spice of life and if that’s the case someone has been dousing our nandos in lemon and herb for the past seven years.

Don’t get me wrong I love watching the two of them play but the level of total consistency they have operated at takes some of the magic of the unknown away, almost like more skilful James Milner, Milners 2.0. I for one am quietly looking forward to the day when their stars begin to wane and they step aside to let the Pogbas, the Bales, the Neymars or the Greizmans of the world step in to have a proper crack at being crowned world’s greatest.
Kev (saying that I was excited when Fergie stepped aside so careful what you wish for) Shanghai


A defence of Joe Allen
I feel compelled to write in to defend Joe Allen. All I’ve heard or read lately is “Allen is finished now he hasn’t got Rodgers protecting him” “s**t that Joe Allen” or a comment I read earlier saying any team with Allen in the side is automatically 10% down. What a load of boll**ks. I’ve watched Joe Allen for a few years from the stands and when he’s played correctly he’s a very good player. He’s industrious, can pass the ball well, hes got great composure, is always available to receive the ball and can recycle it with a quick clean pass, even if marked. He’s great at closing down and harrying his opponent. He can be bit lighweight against the bruisers but in tactical and technical games he can be fantastic, his positioning and passing under pressure is superb . With the right tactics and players around him he can and will be the pivot of the midfield. I think he can be a really good player for Klopp. Some people just spout the s***e other people and the media spew out. Especially other teams fans who don’t watch him week in week out. He does the unheralded stuff very well and if utilised well he can dominate a midfield, I’m sure he’s appreciated much more by his team mates. I think he’s very good player and could turn out to be great player under Klopp.
Brendan RodMichael Tremarco


Mourinho fan mail
Oh dear, old flappy mouth Jose is at it again. A Liverpool supporting friend and myself used to have a running competition of whose manager could say the most ridiculous nonsense in a press conference, but I’m afraid with Brendan gone it’s a one horse race now.

After saying some spurious twaddle about being denied an iffy penalty, despite ignoring the fact the opposition should have had two penalties, in what can only be described as a blatant effort to get punished by the FA, Jose is unsurprisingly given a slap on the wrist and is immediately back on the mike having another pop at the FA and continuing his infatuation with Wenger. Give me strength.

As a Chelsea fan, Jose has always been a bit of a double edged sword during both tenures at the club; he gets results but is guaranteed to be a general embarrassment to the club with his negative tactics and needy attention whore comments every week. Only problem is, the results are proving a bit hard come by this season, and the media persona is sinking to new depths. If instead of obsessing over Wenger, Jose occasionally bothered to watch a bit of his own team’s game footage he may have noticed Ivanovic has been an utter liability so far this season and is in desperate need of a break from the first team, or notice there is a young chap by the name of Loftus-Cheek who has looked very promising on the odd occasion he has been given a chance but then inexplicably dropped indefinitely, or that Cahill has been even worse than Terry, or the other 500 other things wrong with HIS OWN TEAM so far this season. And don’t get me started about the disgusting way he has treated the medical staff and hung them out to dry as scapegoats. Over the past few years we have had an amazing injury and fitness record and the entire medical team deserves huge credit for that, but as soon as flappy thinks he can take a cheap shot at them to detract attention from the fact the team has been so poorly prepared this season they get sold down the river. Classy.

I’ve never been one to call for a manager to be sacked (I was in the minority who thought AVB and Big Phil should have both been given more time), and I’m not calling for Jose to be binned. All I’m saying is that if/when Roman tires of his pantomime antics and does decide to remove him, I won’t be anywhere near as sad as I was when Ruud and Vialli were sacked by Captain Birdseye, when Guus sauntered gloriously into the sunset, or even when flappy get sacked first time round. We have had a pretty tumultuous time with managers over the past 20 odd years I have been following the club, and most long term fans want nothing more than a manager to be given the time to build the club in his image and maintain some continuity. I’m just not sure Jose is that man. He comes across as a horrible person, he plays his football in an ugly way, and he may well have burnt out all of his first team without giving any decent opportunities to our underutilised and multiple silverware winning youth team.
Jaybob, London


Blame Brendan
Are we sure Brendan went to Spain to hide from the press? Are we sure he didn’t go to the Caribbean to learn Voodoo from a houngan? Joe Gomez and now Danny Ings, same injury, more or less the same time. Two players who definitely would have benefitted immensely from working with Klopp, would definitely suit his methods on the pitch (athletic, dogged, fairly skilled, young) and who could have had an impact of some size for us this season. Now they’re going to have to fight like demons to be exactly as good as they are now in a years time, with absolutely no guarantee that it’s even possible for them to fully come back.

Football. It gives you free beer with one hand, punches you in the throat and steals your girlfriend with the other.
Matt (Still trying to find a way to blame Hodgson for this) LFC


Danny Ings has been excellent when he’s had a chance for is this season. Gutted. That and Gomes is one way to dampen the buzz. Get back soon lads.
Adam, LFC, Belfast.


Brendan’s biggest mistake?
Pete, Singapore, very briefly touched on something that has puzzled me for years, I also believe it to be one of Brendans worst mistakes… Why oh why did he ship Reina out? He suits his style to a tee and was a fans favorite.  If anyone can clear this up for me it’d be appreciated.
Shaun, Aberdeen.


Klopp ridiculousness
John Nicholson’s excellent article on the ridiculousness of English media fawning was timely punctuated by Klopp’s recent press conference.

For the non-LFC brigade (or non-LFC inclined), Klopp was presented with some “normal one” merchandise, which is apparently a best seller (a comment that I honestly believe was an unplanned, off-the-cuff remark). After looking thoroughly embarrassed he brought up an anecdote about a recent dinner.

He had to turn down a photo request from a fan because “each photo they make with me now is on Twitter. I don’t understand this. It’s more than in Germany I would say. I met a guy and his wife with a dog, say about 50, asking for photos and I said of course. The next day it was in the newspaper. It looks like I’m always in restaurants and bars.”

He also expressed his surprise that “it’s strange because we didn’t play. If they love me after the match, it’s much more what I want then before, so let’s start playing football. Then we’ll see how the relationship will develop.”

If the English media isn’t the worst in the world for this sort of rabid Jenga-style approach to a “big story”, by christ they have to be close. As an Englishman myself it really is quite embarrassing.
Paul, LFC (shamedly aware that much of said merchandise is available from the LFC shop)


Jurgen isn’t Rumpelstiltskin
Dear Liverpool fans,

Jurgen Klopp is a real man.  A human being.  Flesh & blood.  Therefore he is bound by the same physical and metaphysical laws as the rest of us.  He can’t cast spells, fly or spin gold from manky old straw.  He isn’t Rumplestiltskin.

For all of his talk about inserting bravery in players eyes, I can’t help but think that all of his motivational talk is going to fall on the same chump ears that didn’t understand The Brendan’s very similar hokus pokus.

Right now I’m interested in his post-match presser following the inevitable loss to Tottenham.  Will excuses sound better with a German accent?
Pepsi Monster


Martin Keown
Dear Football365,

I enjoyed Johnny’s profile of Martin Keown, as ever.  I’m fairly certain I once saw Martin Keown working alongside Garth Crooks, possibly the first (or only) time two pundits who think they are a lot cleverer than they actually are have been allowed on TV together.  While this did not make for great viewing it was, at the very least, a change from a culture where a) Graeme Le Saux was accused of homosexuality simply for being cleverer than his teammates; b) Frank Lampard, possibly with this in mind, had to pretend to be less intelligent than he really is; and c) where a lot of pundits wear their stupidity like a badge of honour.  That said, as much as Martin comes across as smarter than the average pundit on television, as Mediawatch has pointed out many, many times, the use of the word “insight” to head up his newspaper column is probably an overstatement.  The written word is just generally more stringently-judged in this respect.

While the notion that all foreigns are divers is a PFM default setting, it’s worth pointing out that Keown’s most fervent adversary was Ruud van Nistelrooy, who had form when it came to the art of winning a soft penalty.  I don’t think there’s ever been a higher-profile example of a good old-fashioned English centre-half taking the frontline of banter to a foreign.

Finally, surely the fact that Martin was once hit by a football while doing a pitchside pre-match chat live on TV must give him extra credit with the PFMs, as something to roister-doister about.  Also, he is rather very tall – while being short is hilarious to the PFM (see Strachan, Gordon), Keown’s height offers plenty of opportunities for “mind your head” and “what’s the weather like up there” japes.

The literary Ed Quoththeraven (about 0.5% cleverer than most people around him), CPFC the Glaziers, Notts


Thank you Johnny Nicholson for giving us the following line from the “Proper Football Man” section on Martin Keown

“we do have high standards of low life behaviour here at the PFM emporium of vulgarity.”

Exquisite stuff.
George (great Friday read… time zoned!) AFC, Wellington, NZ


The ultimate PFM
A debate that needs to be had: who is the ultimate Proper Football Man?
Charlie (Singapore CFC)

Is it just me, or do Arsenal have about 7 AGMs a year?!
Jon, London


Anyone know of any houses for sale in the Sunderland area? Looking to move around January. Ta. X
K. Nolan, East London.

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