Mails: Neither Liverpool nor Spurs are winners…

Sarah Winterburn

Thank you for a good week’s Mailboxing. Now go and read Peter G on statistics – he’s one of your own…

 

Finishing sixth in this PL no embarrassment
Can all the Liverpool and Spurs fans please just stop the tribal bickering? Both teams are doing very well at the moment and both should be pleased with how they’re doing. Both have had the odd blip, both have some shortfalls in their squad, both have a relatively similar style of play and both have excellent managers. And that’s all part of the fun.

As has recently been pointed out on F365, the top six this year have created their own mini-league of haves and the rest of the Premier League is made up of have nots and a few middling teams fighting it out for seventh. Now, this may not be a fairytale season like 2015/16 but then again, 2015/16 wouldn’t have been quite so fun if it wasn’t so exceptional. However, the quality of the football in that top six is genuinely quite amazing. Not since around 2006-9 when United, Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal were all dominating in Europe and domestically has English football had such a high standard of football being played every week.

Which brings me back to the bickering Liverpool-Spurs divide. Undoubtedly, there was some intentional trolling going on but both sets of fans should be very happy. One or both might miss out on top four just as easily as one could win the title. In my admittedly short life-span, never have so many teams been competing for the same spot at such a high level. It’s seriously exciting and yes, six into four does not fit, but can’t the bragging and the autopsy wait for after the inevitable final game of the season spectacle when six teams could finish anywhere between 1-6?

Shut up and enjoy it while it lasts.
Joe (LFC)

 

Liverpool don’t have necks? Sorry, what?
What is this preposterous bollocks? Liverpool are sharks and don’t have necks? Spurs have necks because only sheep need to look backwards?

What, really? We, Liverpool fans, never look back? I’m sorry, that’s just crap. We are not the bunch of one-track, living-in-the-past entitled whingers popular rumour suggests, but neither are we some kind of ruthless winning machine.

I understand the temptation to respond to provocation, and the need on F365’s part to fill the mailbox by publishing stuff that gets a strong reaction, but come on. The only mails that should have been sent to and/or posted in the morning mailbox were that hilarious one by Andy (CFC) and the well-researched takedown of Ross THFC by Jamie.

The rest of you have achieved nothing except to open Liverpool up to a clobbering by the army of keyboard warriors that seem to live their lives just waiting for a chance to point out all the times Liverpool were a bit crap, and I assume that if this gets published there’ll be a number of those mails just underneath my name. Joy.
Matt, LFC

 

It’s back!
Great to see this bizarre Spurs/Liverpool mailbox enmity resurfacing in the mailbox following a few quiet months. I normally skim over the tit for tat emails from rival fans but these always bring a smile to my face. Seriously people, what the f*ck?
Simon CFC

 

…I love it. You can’t get along because your too similar.

‘THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE..’

Perrenial under-acheivers and fluffers. Pretty much the same club, fighting over who is the most likely to finish second.
Sean

 

…Look at all these Spurs and Liverpool fans, bickering about what team is going to win the league despite having zero league titles between them. Let’s hope they calm down before they start bringing dads into the conversation.
Tom (CFC)

 

…Wow just read the morning mailbox. Aren’t Liverpool and Spurs fans a bunch of cry babies.

‘You said something nasty about my team, so I’ll say something nasty about you! boo hoo.’

Grow up. It’s like listening to school kids sometimes when reading the mailbox.

Tit for tat petty little arguments.

If I responded to every pop at City, I’d have no time for life.

Perhaps we should have had a Mailbox New Year resolution. Stop being so bitter and petty to each other.

At the end of the day we all love our clubs and think pretty much every other club is horrid and dirty.

So let’s leave the petty shite behind and get back to intelligent debate that usually is the contents of the mailbox.

F365 could maybe start filtering out this pointless bile or even do a another mailbox called pettybox or something.

I doubt it though, because it’s a good click generator in these days of internet outrage.
DANNY B – MCR – MCFC

 

…Sorry Brian but if sharks are winners, both Liverpool and Spurs are sheep.
Andreas (winners win things, right?) Hunter, St Albans

 

Oh Liverpool fans…
Liverpool are sharks? I presume they are starving sharks having not eaten a f**king thing (trophy wise) in years.

Trying to come over all superior to Spurs fans because you know ‘History’.

Manure, it isn’t even funny if it was in fact true and United were shit, because we blatantly are not shit and to prove it we shall finish above your second rate won nothing mob and win a trophy this year.

How a bunch of fans can be so deluded is beyond me, yes be optimistic by all means but trying to act the big I am in a group where only Spurs have won less in the last 10 years is frankly embarrassing.
Paul Murphy, Manchester
…So Brian LFC mail this morning explains that in the premier league that there are two kinds of team in the Premier League: Sharks and Sheep. He then types (presumably without laughing) that Liverpool are Sharks, as sharks are Winners…let that sink in!!

Can you please remind everyone when the last time this particular shark actually won the league as for the last 26 years my memory must be incorrect.
Chris H (Liverpoo are more like mice than sharks) MUFC

 

…I absolutely love the f365 mailbox, and the sheep and shark metaphor is one of the funniest things I’ve read in it in years.

That a fan proclaims his team to be sharks and winners when since (and including) the 09/10 season their pattern of finishes reads 7th, 6th, 8th, 7th, 2nd, 6th and 8th is absolutely hilarious. In addition his team haven’t won a league title since 1990.

It’s this insane level of self-regard that makes so many Liverpool fans absolutely wonderful.

Honestly, please never change.
Jakey AFC, South East London

 

Well done Jamie…
I just wanted to congratulate Jamie on his epic takedown of Ross, THFC regarding the Liverpool/Spurs comparison. Especially taking the time to go back to the nonsense he wrote in August: priceless.

I often found myself wondering why Spurs fans were so desperate to disparage Liverpool but in retrospect, maybe it was just Ross mailing in about Liverpool over and over again, and me failing to notice it was the same person!
Oliver (present the last time we lost to Spurs. Ages ago.) Dziggel, Geneva Switzerland

 

Ross is back…
I didn’t expect to get as much fan mail this morning, as I was replying to a post which was of a similar vein, but as people have taken time to respond, with varying levels of cohesion, I will address your points in a respectful manner. Mostly.

Stewart – I take your point on board that you spread the goals about, Firmino, Origi, Sturridge, Sunderland, Bournemouth… As for your parting shot ‘getting ahead of myself – we’ll have played the top 11 away by the time the Europa starts, and I did say ‘let’s see where we are in May’. Glad you have been able to live the Champions League vicariously through Spurs.

Ken – All good points, however, I have merely pointed out our position and how we’ve only started to break into stride…and as aforementioned, I did say ‘lets see where we are in May’.

Jamie – Well batted son. You’ve skewered me pretty well and I will admit you’re doing much better than expected. My point to the gentleman in Dubai was that he felt it was now hopeful to reel in a team five points ahead who have dropped just three points from a possible 27, and pull away from a team that has only dropped six in the same period, whilst they have dropped nine points. Also, you knocked our kids out of a competition we’ve prioritised fourth, and Liverpool have the luxury of taking seriously due to no Europe. This was also, the League Cup.

Not sure what the relevance of the last 10 or so games is to be honest. Anyone can do well in a one-off game. My point is made on the back of finishing higher than Liverpool in seven of the last eight seasons. A 38-game season is where you measure teams. You are doing much better than I predicted.

Sid, it makes no bones to me that Klopp was ‘disappointed’ to leave with just a point. Possession doesn’t win games and you created two opportunities in that game, one of which was a soft penalty. Spurs actually had more shots on target, but I’ll let you pick up the Possession Cup at the end of the season if that’s your bag. I’ll summarise the rest – Matip hasn’t proved at all that he’s the best new defender in the Premier League, I’m not sure what constitutes ‘a real game’. Spreading goals? Yes we’ve got two special players who get half…but it’s not really a strange statistic. 21 of Arsenal’s 44 goals have been scored by Theo Walcott or Alexis Sanchez. Zlatan and Pogba have 17 of Utd’s 31 for example. Liverpool are very much the outlier here. Lastly, thanks for your advice to ‘keep my feet on the ground’. I’m a Spurs fan. We enjoy good form because we know disaster is round the corner. I don’t know a Spurs fan who is ever certain of future success, I’m merely optimistic.

Brian, pretty simple this one. You’re a crap shark. When sheep are in water they tend to sink, due to the wool absorbing water and becoming heavy. Sharks can swim well in water, they’re designed that way to hunt down prey. Strange then that you’ve finished behind a sunken sheep for seven of the last eight seasons. Back to basics to get your five-metre swimming badge perhaps?

All things considered, Jamie did an excellent job. The rest of you, up your game.
Ross THFC

 

Bye-bye Schneiderlin and…
I’ve not done a mail for a while, so seeing as it’s a quiet Friday I thought I would chance my arm:

1. Who rattled the Liverpool and Spurs fan cages? It’s a little early to be getting into the bragging rights arguments; last time I checked there was still pretty much half a season to go, and if anyone should know the ramifications of celebrating too early it’s both those sets of fans. Yes, you’re both having pretty good seasons so far, but it’s January 6th; wait until the end of the season to start crowing!

2. I’m not quite sure about Brian’s extremely strange ‘sheep and sharks’ analogy either. Put a sheep in the water and obviously a shark would win, but take the shark onto dry land and the sheep wins that fight. I’m not even sure what point Brian’s trying to make there: are Liverpool the sharks? I’m not sure that works out, given how much they love looking back to their glory days.

3. I see that Schneiderlin is due to have a medical at Everton this afternoon. While I wish him well for the future (except when Everton play us, naturally), I am sad to see him leave. I will never understand how Fellaini managed to keep getting into the team/matchday squads ahead of him – I can only assume it’s something to do with his attitude or application in training, or a personality clash with Mourinho, because there’s no argument that I can see for Fellaini being a better player. I fully expect Schneiderlin to be a key player for Everton over the next couple of seasons (assuming it goes through).

4. I’d also love to know what’s actually going on with the Lindelof transfer. There seems to be varying reports about what’s going on there, between him, Benfica, and Vasteras, while Mourinho is (at least publicly) saying he’s happy with his squad. I would really like us to press ahead with that signing but it’s really hard to see whether it’s actually going to happen. I’m just hoping that Fonte handing a transfer request isn’t a precursor to him signing for us. I have nothing against him as a player, but if you’re talking about up to £15m for a 32-year-old or £38m for a 22 year old, then it’s a pretty easy choice.

5. Speaking of transfers: how desperate do West Ham look at the moment? They are running round like a lonely drunkard at the end of the night, trying to pull anything at all before the club shuts. The stench of desperation is surely putting off any self-respecting players at this point, especially seeing how well their last signings have done (Zaza and Calleri both seem like having their loan deals cut short). The public chasing of any and every striker under the sun is just getting embarrassing, and reminds me of our own transfer business in Moyes’ first season. That being said, if they managed to go all out and sign Moussa Dembélé (instead of chucking money at Sunderland for Defoe) then that would be a cracking bit of business.
Ted, Manchester

 

You just can’t trust a traitor…
Wondered if any other set of fans can think of a player who moved to their club in spite of a fierce rivalry that they just didn’t trust or ever warm to?

I bring this up as I have never warmed to Sol Campbell. I remember when we first signed him and a Spurs-supporting colleague asked me if I was happy that we had signed him. I answered that I wasn’t and then listed all of the reasons why I couldn’t get on board with Sol. The list included the fact that apparently he was a Spurs fan as a child, that he worked his way through the ranks at his boyhood club, that he was first team captain of that club, that he could have moved literally anywhere else in the world, but no, he decided on Arsenal.

And yeah, Sol may have signed for us twice, become an integral part of a team that won the double, went unbeaten and scored the only goal we’ve ever managed in a Champions League final. But despite all of this I just don’t trust or like Sol and don’t think I ever will.

There have been a number of players that have made similar moves – Figo from Barca to Real, Owen in a roundabout way from Liverpool to United, Ferdinand from Leeds to United. Have you had one of those players that you signed and got one over on your most hated rivals that you just didn’t trust or like? It can’t be just me – can it?
Graham Simons, Gooner, Norf London

 

My own favourite hat-trick
Well thankfully someone suggested something to take us off the theme of Liverpool fans v Spurs fans. It’s really sad. I always knew Liverpool fans were among the most annoying in the land, but a few of those Spurs mails has seen them catch up in spectacular fashion.

Anyways, onto the topic of worst hat-tricks, and I’m going to flip it and give my own personal experience.

I was around 18 years old, and myself and my mate were out the night before a Sunday morning league match. I arrived home in a drunken state around 3am, he stayed up drinking until around 6am. We were playing a league match -we were aiming for promotion – at 11am, my mate shows up at around 10.55am. He’d be one of the better players so of course he started.

A 45-minute long first half of barely touching the ball and looking entirely disorientated, he got sick at half time in the dressing room and asked our manager to be taken off. We had two players on the bench, but our manager refused to remove him; he saw it as a good form of punishment for my mate being so hungover.

Within five minutes of the start of the second half he swerved a volley into the top corner from about 25 yards out. Two minutes later he pinged another into the same top corner from the edge of the box. It was one of those strikes that was so powerful despite the fact there was no backlift on the shot, that it was almost like fifa. He saved his best for last though, a scissors kick from a corner. All three goals were scored within the first 15 minutes of the second half, and with us winning 3-0, he was allowed to go off 20 minutes early and enjoy the rest of his hangover.

We all still talk about it to this day, five years later. It was truly one of the most remarkable things I’ve ever seen on a pitch.

Have a good weekend everyone.
Paddy (love FA Cup weekends on my birthday every year) Ireland

 

And least favourite hat-trick
The worst hat-trick scored against me was heartbreaking. I had joined a team after their keeper moved down under. The club was only a few years old and they were making their way up the divisions, getting promoted each year.

Fast-forward to the last game of the season and it’s make or break. Only a win sees us go up. Ten mins in, we go one up. Almost immediately after we go two up and we go into cruise control. Happy days.

Just before half time they take a free kick which was such a routine save I didn’t even have to take more than two steps, let alone dive. Routine until the ball bounced off my gloves into the path of their striker. 2-1.

Straight after half-time they whipped in a quick, low ball from the side. I had my own defender in front of me and their striker coming in at the far post. I made a dive and at full stretch got my fingers to the ball to guide it towards my centre-half. Except I had a bit of a brain fart. And it was actually their striker in front of me. 2-2.

Five minutes to go we make it 3-2 and start to defend like dogs. Nothing is even making it as far as me. Our two centre-halves were founding members of the club. They had played every single game since its formation. They were dead on their feet but stopped everything. Think extra-time Jamie Carragher in Istanbul combined with Paul McGrath versus Baggio in USA’94. Heroic stuff.

Then a high ball came in. It was mine all day. A floating, lofty ball. A 6’3″ keeper’s dream. Bread and butter stuff. I easily grabbed the ball as my defender shielded the on-rushing striker. Defender gets pushed. My descending elbow smacks his shoulder. The ball goes loose. 3-3.

The next hour was a blur. When the final whistle blew, I made a bee-line for the dressing room, grabbed my bag slipped away out the back and began a very long walk home, never to play another proper game of football again.
Big D, Luxembourg

 

Mikel’s Greatest Hits
Seeing as Mikel’s sadly off to China, thought I’d share a link to some of his best goals in a Chelsea shirt. We’ll, all of them really. Don’t worry, it’s not a long watch.

Does anyone know if Storey’s finished that book of his? Could slip him in just after the Matthäus chapter if you’re going alphabetical.
Simon CFC

 

Farewell fella, are you any good?
So, John Obi Mikel is off to China. Good luck to him! One of the most successful players in the history of Chelsea Football Club – his role of honours at the club….

2 Premier League titles,
4 FA cups
2 League Cups
1 Community Shield
1 Europa League
1 Champions League

So the whole let then!

In his time at Chelsea, he also won the Africa Cup of Nations and a Bronze medal at the Olympics.

Incredible that this man will go down as one of the most decorated footballers of this generation and in the club’s history, and I can’t actually tell you if he is any good or not.

Always there but invisible, always dependable but average, and his departure leaves me worried that he is the glue that binds Chelsea’s recent successes.

Hopefully we’ll win the title this season and I’ll be proved wrong, and in three or four years I will have forgotten that he even existed.

Good luck for the future Obi Wan!
Will CFC, The Shire

 

DiscoMilk 2.0
Nothing to do with football but while we are on the subject…I had a house party way back at uni and we ran out of mixers and so someone (Storey maybe) poured booze into the milk and drunk it out of the carton. All good fun until the next morning when I come to eat my Coco Pops and basically spooned myself a shot of curdled gin.

Also, my friend doesn’t like tea but instead puts milk in hot water and has a ‘Wilk’.
James Warren

 

Statistics weekly
What I’ve learned from both attacking and defensive statistics is that Peter G is ace.
Ed Quoththeraven