Mails: On chants good and bad, Southgate and refs
Send your thoughts to theeditor@football365.com.
FAO: Fat Man Scouse (and F365)
Following on from Fat Scouse Mouse mail, I believe the only way, to remove these views from our society is give the people that hold them a platform to speak. Then through a strong rebuttal and their own foolishness you can see their arguments fall apart in front of your own eyes.
So I applaud the mailbox for responding appropriately and bashing down Mouse’s views and making him look like the fool he is.
But I am unhappy with F365 for publishing his mail in the first place, Mouse’s email was the mailbox equivalent of click bait, lighter fluid for a social commentary debate. And I am not sure F365 is the platform for social commentary, yes one or two mails can be acceptable but when 10 mails in a football blog are used to address this I take issue.
On a night where we saw some great future young players play (Alli, Brandt, Werner) the fact that we are not talking about them, debating where they should make their next career move or making wild speculation on Russia 2018 disappoints me. Has our interest in international football really waned that much that we would rather talk about football chants than the football being played?
Liam, LTFC
To Fat Man Scouse,
Fawlty Towers is actually the perfect example to bring up in a discussion about the England fans. Here is a quote from John Cleese himself “Everybody thinks that was a joke about the Germans but they missed it. It was a joke about British attitudes to the war and the fact that some people were still hanging on to that rubbish”. I can’t believe Fawlty Towers aired 45 years ago and people like Fat Man Scouse still don’t get the joke. The “British Culture of fun” is to laugh at idiots like Basil Fawlty on the TV, but it’s less fun to realise that after all this time there are still a large amount of morons supporting England who just don’t get it.
Danny P THFC
I’ve been waiting years for this.
Any remember an advert from many years ago that used a song that went ‘I’m sticking with you….. ‘cos you’re made out of glue’? Well it exists. And for the last decade and a half (ish) I’ve been uncontrollably singing it to my self in my head at quiet moments, but replacing ‘made out of glue’ with ‘Bruno Cheyrou’, in honour of a guy who didn’t make it at Liverpool just before the Benitez era began. I have no idea why.
Also, I’d like to add my voice to the chorus chanting ‘F*ck Fat Man Scouse and the horse from the 1970’s he rode in on’.
I once sent a genuinely horrible email to this site. The details are not important, but it was very stupid, completely illogical and showed me to be a total wanker, and thankfully it was never published. I’m sure I’ve sent in many stupid, pointlessly antagonistic and frankly bullish*t emails in to this place over the years (some got published and most didn’t), but this one in particular really took the biscuit and has stuck in my memory. Ever since I sobered up, that mail not being published has been something I’ve been grateful for every time I visit this wonderful site. It doesn’t excuse me fully, but I cling to the idea that who I was then is not who I am now for many reasons, that being one of them.
I hope Fat Man Scouse has a similar issue, something preventing him from fully engaging with and using his own brain that he needs to acknowledge and work on – because the alternative, that he is just that much of a vile moron who is allowed out in the world like he’s a real functioning person, is too depressing.
Incidentally I work with some Germans, and their viewpoint on the match was ’that was a team of bench warmers, kids and old men who only tried for about 25 minutes – not a real result’. And they won, so they’re not looking for excuses. That’s belief in a national team. Not some jingoistic tub-thumping c*ck-wombles verbally frotting themselves with what they imagine their grandfather’s generation did because they have achieved nothing of worth personally.
Matt, LFC
And the man himself…
Whenever you need a Mailbox filling, I shall oblige with an opinion that makes people lose their sh*t.
You’re welcome, happy to help. One day people might accept that there are 2 sides to every Storey…..
Fat Man Scouse, EFC
At least Gareth has a plan
Roy hodgson made a fool of me.
The kindly old uncle I never had took my words that he wasn’t stupid and proved me utterly wrong. For the euro squad he went and picked 5 strikers for a team he intended to play 4-3-3. Of those 5 strikers, precisely none of them could claim to be comfortable as a wide forward. Now in fairness to Roy, he didn’t use all five of his strikers as fowards, he used one of them in midfield. Also in fairness, this was Silly. Roy took only the one player, Sterling, that could be considered at their best as a wide forward in a 4-3-3. Some might argue Lallana and Milner, I would not. This is my mail so there. Against Iceland, chasing the game and with England’s collective sphincter tighter than my actual uncle, Roy threw on all his strikers and, that collection of specialised players not playing to their specialisation lacked organisation and any general kind of clue. This was surprising to him.
Now, I don’t actually think Roy Hodgson is stupid, rather the latest in a long of England managers that seem to value players over team, individual ‘superstars’ ( have we ever really had superstars?) over an organised side that’s fits together and has one of those fancy gameplay things. But that isn’t the point of this email. ‘What is the point of this email?’, I hear no one cry. Well, the above is why the England Germany match left me faintly optimistic.
It’s lowered expectations, let’s be blunt about it. But remembering every England side from Carlton Palmers failure to qualify, through the ‘Golden’ generation being anything but, to……….whatever the last four years have been, having a manager deploy a system that makes some kind of sense has left me, faintly, positive. Pathetic I know but this is where I am.
So whilst I am decidedly unconvinced that Darren (as my mother genuinely always calls him) Southgate is a good manager, he does seem to have a plan. And one that goes beyond crowbarrng whatever eleven players are deemed the best into a team and f*ck the tactics. A 3-4-3 execentuates our strengths and does a reasonable job of hiding our deficiencies. Getting the Tottenham full backs high up the pitch where they can do damage, having space for two tricksy number ten(ish) types to flit around Harry Kane, having three centre backs because, let’s face it, none of us would be confident in only having two of the current crop, well that seems like an idea. Maybe a good one. Maybe, even, the best one giving what is available.
When was the last time we could say that?
To positivity and rock bottom expectation.
Rob
Rival sports > football
Touching on the diminishing lustre of international football, as a live sport, international football is over-priced, over-regulated, and over-hyped (as is much of the PL).
In England specifically, personal experience is that live football, even in the lower leagues, is a fundamentally less enjoyable experience than rival sports. The plethora of regulations around standing, drinking in sight of the pitch (let alone in the stands), segregation, banners etc., allied to the cost and the general sense that attending as a spectator is like a day in an open prison, make football unattractive to watch live.
Notwithstanding an England test match or game at Twickenham, most rugby or cricket is cheaper than the PL or England to attend, and a far more enjoyable experience. More relaxed atmosphere, warmer and friendlier crowd, stewards that don’t give you the impression they resent your existence, and fewer draconian regulations.
You can spend half the cost of an average Arsenal ticket to join 40,000 others at Twickenham to a day of Sevens in the sun, and the same to watch most home games of the Premiership’s top sides. No half-and-half scarves, no vitriol or riot police, and a chance to watch sport for an afternoon and be treated as an adult, and drink and stand-up.
Chris MUFC
Referees are living in fear – from the man in the stands
Lots of interesting mails recently about the state of refereeing and how much they should be held accountable.
As a referee halfway up the food chain, I thought I would add something that doesn’t seem to have been touched upon: assessments.
For any referee to progress he is subject to several assessments/observations a season. Most assessors are of a pensionable age and each have their own styles and things they are looking for.
Some referees will be torn apart for allowing a player to wear different coloured under-shorts compared to their shorts (yes, that really is a rule).
Others will turn a blind eye and prefer to judge if the referee can actually manage a game. I have had assessors pull me up for giving early yellow cards (‘made a rod for your own back’) and not giving an early yellow (‘should have set your stall out’).
Assessors are generally paid pitiful amounts for what they do and this can be reflected in the kind of care they take when writing reports. There is little consistency and often a referee’s season can be ruined if he/she gets ‘one of those’ assessors. (there is a theory that if your league secretary doesn’t like you then you’ll be lumbered with the low marking ones).
Assessors will come in your dressing room pretty much straight after the game and the worst ones will offer little encouragement. Can you imagine getting dogs abuse for 90 minutes from players/managers/fans, only to be told straight after the final whistle where you went wrong by someone else? I have seen a referee ask his assessor to leave his changing room before as he was so upset.
Even if the assessment is good, the FA can downgrade the mark if they deem it too generous based on the written report (without having been at the game).
Assessment marks are tallied and referees reminded at regular intervals during the season where they rank and what ‘banding’ they’re in. End up in the bottom band for assessment marks and club marks (Yes, club marks count! Remember that next time a ref leaves his cards in his pocket) and you can be demoted.
It is very stressful knowing one bad game could see years of hard work ruined.
The system rewards those who are adept at playing it, and those who take the time to schmooze with their county FA and get to know assessors. It favours those who referee as a box-ticking exercise and creates robots programmed to run in certain directions and ignore their common sense, all to keep in the assessor’s good books.
I personally don’t feel the standard of PL referees is too bad, but that is a minor miracle given the fraught and unpredictable nature of how they get there.
Sorry if this sounds like a moan (yes, I am bitter!), but thought it might help to fill the Mailbox during this barren international week.
A Ref (‘watch out today lads, he’s being assessed’)
Syria
After reading the recommended reading for this week about Syria and their aim to qualify from the world cup, you would have to be pretty heartless to not want them to qualify for the 2018 world cup. I thought everyone would like to know how their next game went so here it is. They won 1-0 at “home” to Uzbekistan, which doesn’t sound that amazing. However, according to the reports I’ve read and I had to read multiple to believe this, it was a 90th minute paneka style penalty. The guts to try this on a pitch where you could of easily slipped.
They are still in 4th place in the table and need 3rd to get to the play offs but, they need to play China and Qatar, the two teams below them in the table while Uzbekistan still have to play South Korea and Qatar, which are tougher games.
Chances are they still aren’t going to qualify for this world cup, but we said that about Leicester. So the Syrian national team are the team I am going to be following for the rest of this qualifying campaign.
Bernard (obvs England as well but that is boring and predictable) MUFC
Premier League happy endings
After a necessarily serious afternoon mailbox, I would like to add some positivity to the Mailbox, and have tried to come up with an all-encompassing best case scenario for the top seven teams. The idea being that all of these are currently still possible, and would hopefully make the fans of the respective teams happy with their end of season (or at least as close to happy as football supporters can be):
Chelsea – Win the league (obviously) with a handful of games remaining. Conte, after having signed a new long-term contract, uses the last few games of the season to blood some of the 427 promising youngsters and they all take their opportunity to impress.
Spurs – Finish second, with a club record points total and early opposite-St-Totteringham day. Harry Kane returns with a flourish to ensure he wins the golden boot, and Sissoko plays like he did for France in the Euros, finally justifying his fee.
Man City – Third. Guardiola further instils his playing style, preparing for an all-out assault on silverware next season. He also pinkie promises to buy some youthful fullbacks. Claudio Bravo keeps 5 consecutive clean sheets. Messi issues a come-and-get-me plea to the Etihad after he fails to agree a new Barcelona contract.
Liverpool – Scrape into the top 4 based on some final day heroics versus Middlesbrough, where they prove that they can beat teams in the relegation zone. Sturridge scores a hat-trick and does his dance in his final appearance for the club, having decided to leave after Marco Reus pledged his future to Liverpool…
Everton – Just miss out on the top 4 after a record-breaking run. Lukaku, Barkley and Koeman stay after new club owners announce huge transfer budget for shiny, new players to match shiny, new stadium. Fat Man Scouse pledges to never tarnish the Everton name again.
Man Utd – Win the Europa League. Mourinho chooses to play promising youngsters in the league, costing them a place (or 2) but providing them with vital experience for the future. Rooney scores the winner in the Europa League final after coming on as a substitute, and after lifting the trophy, announces his departure. Woodward announces 3 new super-lucrative commercial partners, and promises to use the funds on breaking the transfer record again.
Arsenal – this is where it gets harder. Finish 7th, but win the FA Cup. Arsenal offer Arsene an ambassadorial role, which he accepts. New manager’s first bit of business is tying down Sanchez and Ozil to long-term contracts, and they get to concentrate on the league next season without European distractions/disappointments.
So, if you’re a fan of any of these teams, would you be happy with this outcome? Can someone suggest some happy endings (!) for the rest of the league’s teams?
Elias, Johannesburg, LFC (Not sure is Reus to Liverpool is still a thing…)
More fan chants
I know precisely what Andy G means.
I had the same thing a few years back when Sun Jihai was at Man City.
Whenever I heard his name I would sing “Sun Jihai – he play for Man City” to the tune of “Sun She Rise – Early in the Morning”
Still do on occasions.
Paul Watson, exiled Shrimper living in Surrey
Suggestion for a football chant/song incorporating a footballer’s name (I’ve been sitting on this one for years):
(to the tune of Mr Vain by Culture Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfWb_60lhw0)
“He knows what we want and we want it now,
We want goals,
Cos he’s Leighton Baines”
You might think that’s crap, and it is.
Simon, Amazingstoke
In response to Andy G:
To the tune of ‘Rock The Casbah’
‘Shareef don’t like it
Azpilicueta,
Azpilicueta’
I’ve no idea why.
Michael
In response to Andy G about chants made up for players, I’ve been singing “Don’t you want Dembele” to the tune of The Human League classic for a few years now. I’ve also been trying to extend it to include the rest of our Belgian contingent also, but Jan Vertonghen and Toby Alderweireld are not easy names to fit in a song.
It’s a work in progress.
John, THFC (heavy mailbox that was)
Anyone who doesn’t sings Woo-ooh-ooh Temuri Ketsbaia to the King’s of Leon’s Sex on Fire is suffering a joy deficit.
Doctor ThaydeniswrongaboutFawltyTowersANDMorcambeandWise, London.
Fuchs upside ya head, say Fuchs upside your head!
Cow, EFC
Storey fan mail
Just finished reading the uncapped 11 article and I think it’s now official – your website has become Storey365.
I don’t care if he obsesses over individual players. I don’t care what part of the office he can see. I don’t care what he needed to do to write the article, or where he had to check for facts.
A piece without constant self reference would be nice. Thanks.
Conor (LFC)
Or ‘Nintendo’
Can we all agree that from now on, Daniel Storey is to be only referred to as “Big DS”?
Colm, London (thanks Minty, LFC!)