Mediawatch: Enthusiastic singing? Hang him
Throw away the key
‘Grealish in new party storm,’ screams out the Daily Mail’s back page headline. The web version remains equally calm on the story: ‘Champagne, friends on ‘hippy crack’ and an after-party at hotel with two blonde girls…Grealish’s wild weekend after 4-0 defeat.’
That’s right, Aston Villa’s Jack Grealish has been on another night out with his friends, six days before the club’s next match. Hanging is too good for him.
Before Mediawatch spontaneously combusts with anger about Grealish’s ‘antics’, let’s read through the charge sheet:
‘The Villa attacking midfielder is said to have gone to Manchester nightclub Panacea’
A nightclub? On a Saturday? Is he mad?
‘Footage shows Grealish, 20, singing into the camera in an enthusiastic manner’
For f**k’s sake, Jack. If you’re going to sing, you have to be unenthusiastic. Anything else makes you an animal.
‘He then travelled home to Birmingham and hosted a gathering involving two blonde women’
Why in holy s**tballs does the hair colour matter (unless you have tired, stereotyped views)?
‘A friend then inhales what seems to be nitrous oxide — known as hippy crack — from a balloon. There is no suggestion that Grealish was inhaling from balloons or in any other way’
This is where the Mail really come unstuck. They were presumably desperate to get Grealish doing the whole ‘hippy crack’ thing again, but that then didn’t happen. ‘Won’t somebody think of the (non-existent) passive inhalation?’ doesn’t have quite the same ring.
Mediawatch looks forward to the Daily Mail’s next instalment of ‘build them up to knock them down’, featuring Raheem Sterling drinking a cup of coffee. Or ‘Sterling’s drug shame,’ in the Mail’s world.
Spot the odd one out
‘Pictures: Huge Man United boost as four crucial stars return to training’ – Metro.
Which of the following is the odd one out in the list of Manchester United’s ‘crucial stars’? We’ve given you a little clue to help you along):
a) Wayne Rooney
b) Anthony Martial
c) Marouane Fellaini
d) James Wilson (25 league minutes since February)
Hatchet a plan
Mediawatch understands that not everyone rates Rafa Benitez quite as highly as Liverpool supporters, but we still took a sharp intake of breath when we read the headline on Kevin Palmer’s article on the Irish Independent website: ‘Rafa Benitez is the king of modern-day spoofers’.
Don’t think that Palmer has been stitched up by the headline writers either. If anything they undersold it.
‘This arrogant and self-absorbed tactician who has just been given a lukewarm vote of confidence…’ the piece begins. Sheesh.
‘Not for the first time in his career, this portly emperor has been disrobed in front of the watching world and as has been in case in previous years, we don’t like what we see underneath,’ Palmer continues. ‘Aside from his union with wife Maria, every Benitez marriage has been doomed to end in failure.’
Palmer goes on to explain how Liverpool won the Champions League final in spite of Benitez. He doesn’t choose to cover how he got them to the final in the first place. Twice.
Mediawatch enjoyed the following conversation Palmer subsequently had on Twitter with one user:
– Palmer: ‘So this article has caused a bit of a stir then. A view on Rafael Benitez that his supporters will not agree with’
– User: Has anybody agreed with it, Kevin?
– Palmer: ‘Liverpool fans love him in general, I appreciate that. No problem with an alternative view I don’t think’
– User: ‘Those pesky Liverpool fans and their intolerance for bullshit eh?’
– Palmer: ‘Not at all. Liverpool fans are entitled to like Benitez. I just don’t think he’s done a whole lot since 2005. Do you?’
– User: ‘Other than winning the FA Cup, winning the Europa League, taking Liverpool to the Champions League final again, Finishing runner-up in the Premier League, winning the Club World Cup, winning the Italian cup, plus winning away in the San Siro (three times), Nou camp, Bernabeu (Ed: Plus Old Trafford (twice) and Stamford Bridge (three times))? you’re right. Not a lot.’
Well, quite. The conversation did at least end amicably. Nice to see the hatchet (job) being buried.
Singing “don’t worry”
‘Aguero: Manchester City should not worry about Barcelona or Real Madrid in Champions League,’ reads the headline on the Manchester Evening News website.
‘Well isn’t that the ballsy line from lovely Sergio,’ Mediawatch thought. We should have known better.
Actual quotes from Aguero: “Since I arrived here, the draw in the Champions League has been very tough on City, we have always drawn great teams in the group stages, teams which got to the semis or the final.
“But we have to be prepared for that – in the last few Champions Leagues we have maybe not had the experience, maybe some players did not know what it was to play in the Champions League.”
Mentions of Barcelona, Real Madrid or any other club: None.
Impossible is nothing
‘Cristiano Ronaldo to Manchester United: Real Madrid star will not leave Bernabeu, claims agent Jorge Mendes’ – Independent, 10.15am.
“It is impossible. He will end his career at Real Madrid,” is the quote from Mendes the Independent use.
Oh good, that’s the end of that one. We’ll hear no more about it.
‘Cristiano Ronaldo to Manchester United: Alex Ferguson ‘99% sure’ forward will return to Old Trafford, says Patrice Evra’ – Independent, 10.47am.
‘Ronaldo left Old Trafford in 2009 for a then world record £80m after six successful seasons with the club, but has recently been linked with a move back to his former club after Real’s torrid start to the season.’
‘Louis van Gaal has confirmed United’s interest. Ronaldo is also thought to be at loggerheads with under-pressure manager Rafa Benitez, whose side sit in third place in La Liga behind rivals Barcelona and Atletico following a humiliating 4-0 defeat in El Clasico.’
‘Impossible’. For 32 minutes.
The curse
Thought Tottenham were playing well, didn’t you? Thought it was all fun time and parties, didn’t you? Wrong.
For Mediawatch has bad news for Spurs fans. Dave Kidd has backed Mauricio Pochettino to be the next England manager.
‘When anyone can find an English club manager with as much faith in English kids as Mauricio Pochettino, they can convince me the next England manager has to be English,’ Kidd writes in the Daily Mirror. ‘Until then, the FA should be plotting to hire Tottenham’s Argentinean boss.’
To understand why Pochettino should be worried, you should go back to September 2014. That’s when Kidd called for Steve Bruce to be the next England manager.
‘Bruce – who possesses more substance than style and boasts a decent track record rather than the mere ability to talk a good game,’ Kidd wrote. ‘Hull’s ambitions might soon change all that, elevating the image of a manager who has proved himself more than capable for some time. So even if the FA’s tailors might need to find an extra yard of cloth, Bruce could find himself measuring up rather well.’
Pray for Pochettino.
Through the filter
On Tuesday, The Sun have a ‘world exclusive’ that the Chinese Super League would quite like Wayne Rooney to come to China to finish his career. Mediawatch would quite like to eat fish and chips or pie for every meal and never get fat(ter). Is that a world exclusive?
Importantly, The Sun makes no claim that Rooney has agreed to a move, no claim that his advisors are talking to interesting parties and mentions no Chinese club specifically.
So what is the Metro’s take on that story, you (probably don’t) wonder? ‘Wayne Rooney in transfer talks to leave Manchester United for move to Chinese Super League,’ that’s what.
Even the Metro lose their bottle by the second paragraph. ‘In talks’ becomes ‘may be offered a big-money move away’.
Think about it Wayne, it’d be like eating at Wings for every meal. The Daily Mail would explode.
Rod off
As Jay Rodriguez is ruled out for another two months with a foot problem (248 league minutes since April 2014), it’s worth remembering that Sky Sports claimed he was ‘likely’ to go to Euro 2016 last week.
Looks more and more like only 38 English players will go.
Standards
The Metro describe the chant of ‘Sterling, what’s the score? Sterling, Sterling, what’s the score?’ as ‘brilliant’.
Explains a lot.
Misleading headline of the day
‘Rodgers in secret Qatari talks’ – Daily Mail.
So ‘secret’ that it’s in a national newspaper.
Worst headline of the day
‘Chinese Woo Roo’ – The Sun.
Recommended reading of the day
Jack Pitt-Brooke with Jordi Cruyff
Sam Parkin on retiring from football
Iain Macintosh on Claudio Ranieri
Thanks to today’s Mediawatch spotter Diarmuid Byrne. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at theeditor@football365.com