That will be ‘England footie star’ Brandon Ormonde-Ottewill.
England U-16 caps: One.
England U-19 caps: One.
Mentions of his name on that shameless Daily Star front page: None.
Kloppy Kloppy Kop Kop
Writes unashamedly giddy Liverpool fan Antony Kastrinakis in The Sun: ‘And the way Klopp celebrated Divock Origi’s opener in front of his former fans made you think he could pop down to Liverpool Town Hall to change his name by deed poll to Jurgen Kop.’
Well, it might make you think that if you were seven.
Clicky clicky click click
The Daily Telegraph website promises us ’20 emerging Premier League stars who should thrive next season’.
Mediawatch would love to know which well-placed insider tipped them off about Anthony Martial; that kid sounds like they he might be ready to make the breakthrough next season. Fingers crossed, eh.
A touch of the verbals
Neil Custis ‘Exclusive’ in The Sun, December 21: ‘LOUIS VAN GAAL is on his way out of Manchester United after contact was made with Jose Mourinho…Van Gaal could now be gone before the Boxing Day game at Stoke. At best, he will have that plus the home clash with Chelsea next Monday to keep his job.’
Neil Custis ‘Exclusive’ in The Sun, February 15: ‘MANCHESTER UNITED could appoint Jose Mourinho before the end of the month…Mourinho is ready to move when United make their final call — which is now looking sooner rather than later.’
Neil Custis ‘Exclusive’ in The Sun, March 26: ‘JOSE MOURINHO will be offered a mind-boggling £60million to send Manchester United soaring back to football’s summit…And while there has been no pre-contract signed between United and Mourinho, there is a verbal agreement in place that he will take over in May.’
Neil Custis ‘Exclusive’ in The Sun, April 6: ‘TWITCHY Jose Mourinho wants a written promise from Manchester United that he will be their new manager this summer. The Special One has a verbal assurance that will be the case.’
Neil Custis ‘Exclusive’ in The Sun, April 8: ‘JOSE MOURINHO is house hunting in Manchester — paving the way for a move to United. An agent working for the Portuguese is looking for a suitable property in Cheshire…Mourinho has a verbal understanding with the club that he will take over from Louis van Gaal at the end of May.;
Getting a tad twitchy yourself there, Neil? It’s a shame verbal agreements are not worth the paper they’re (not) written on.
Please, please, please…
Just watching documentary on Jose Mourinho, this is an absolute no brainer United
— Neil Custis (@ncustisTheSun) April 4, 2016
Fight, fight, fight…
Sorry to disappoint all those Man Utd fans wishing for Jose Mourinho – it won't be happening!
— John Richardson (@riccosrant) April 6, 2016
This could get awkward over the Sunday Supplement croissants. And not just because Custis has to lose 20lbs.
Five ridiculous headlines from more successful websites
* ‘Real prepare £243m exodus to fund move for Chelsea ace if they fail to sign Man Utd star’ – Express.
Mediawatch suspects Real could get Thibault Courtois for a little under £243m.
* ‘Gerard Pique poses in makeshift crown alongside wife Shakira as Barcelona continue with another dominant season’ – MailOnline.
Yes. This is news.
* ‘Twitter baffled by mystery of Mamadou Sakho’s brilliance for Liverpool against Borussia Dortmund’ – Mirror.
Because of course Twitter is a sentient being capable of bafflement.
* ‘Revealed: Major stumbling block for Mourinho’s Man Utd chances’ – Metro.
What is actually ‘revealed’ on Friday is Wednesday’s tweet from John Richardson.
* ‘Revealed: Which Game of Thrones house would your Premier League club be in?’ – Express.
Please just let it stop.
What a difference three weeks makes…
Sami Mokbel, the Daily Mail, March 16: ‘Mauricio Pochettino is expected to finalise a new £3.5million-per-year Tottenham contract at the end of the season. Talks over a new long-term deal for the Argentine are underway and progressing smoothly. The proposed contract will see Pochettino net a significant increase on his current £2million-per-season deal.’
Sami Mokbel, the Daily Mail, April 8: ‘Tottenham have offered Mauricio Pochettino a money-spinning new contract that would make him the best-paid manager in the club’s history. The deal is understood to be a five-year contract worth £5.5million a year. The terms also include lucrative performance-related bonuses.’
Either Daniel Levy was really very impressed with Tottenham’s Europa League exit, 3-0 victory over Bournemouth and 1-1 draw with Liverpool, or Mokbel got it really quite wrong the first time. We suspect the latter.
If I had a Hammer…
‘It was a surprise when West Ham went to Emirates Stadium and won on the opening weekend of the season, but we now know why it happened – the Hammers are a very good team,’ writes Mark Lawrenson in his BBC predictions.
‘In the first six to eight weeks of the season I just put it down to them making a very strong start and I was still wondering where they would finish. Well, now we know – the top six – and they are aiming higher.’
Which is presumably why Lawrenson has tipped this ‘very good team’ to win just three of their last 18 Premier League games (against Aston Villa, Sunderland and Crystal Palace) and this ‘very good team’ are 18th in a league table constructed from his predictions. This weekend? A 2-1 defeat to Arsenal. Of course.
In case you were wondering, Lawrenson’s amalgamated predictions for the season have Liverpool in a Champions League place and Manchester United in eighth. Never change, Lawro.
The big draw
Sky Sports expert Paul Merson on Tottenham v Manchester United: ‘It’s getting to that part of the season where it’s good because draws are no good to anybody.’
Sky Sports expert Paul Merson on Sunderland v Leicester: ‘I don’t think it’s a must-win for Leicester. They can draw it, but they have to make sure they don’t lose.’
Doing Mediawatch’s job
Came off the bench ✅
Scored a penalty ✅
Scored twice ❌
So close Metro. So close pic.twitter.com/Bal4Y6aYbk
— Jenny Brown (@cfc_jb) April 8, 2016
Recommended reading of the day
JJ Bull on N’Golo Kante
Jonathan Wilson on Klopp’s Liverpool
James Horncastle on Antonio Conte