Mediawatch: Lineker, Sherwood, Castles…

Matt Stead

99 problems
Said Michael Owen to BT Sport before Manchester United’s game with Fenerbahce on Thursday:

“I almost feel sorry for some of those midfield players because he is the problem.”

Comedy is all about the timing.

 

Carrick-ature
One of “those midfield players” who Owen would have watched and thought ‘you poor, poor thing’ during United’s Europa League victory was Michael Carrick.

The 35-year-old, on his first start since the EFL Cup win over Northampton in September, was great at Old Trafford. He did loads of passes, did plenty of interceptions, and even did some brisk walking. Tim Sherwood was very, very impressed.

“Is there anyone better at playing that role than Michael Carrick in any Premier League side?” the former Tottenham boss asked on ITV after their highlights from the game. “I’m not sure there is. He’s as good as there is. He’s always on the half-turn. He has that ability with runners ahead of him to pick that pass. He’s also an interceptor. He reads the game well.

“Michael Carrick plays in every single Premier League team,” Sherwood continued. A bold claim, considering Carrick’s actual Premier League team has not started him in an actual Premier League match since May.

But Tim ploughs on. “He’s the first name on the teamsheet in my opinion. Manchester City are crying out for a Michael Carrick. They play Fernando or Ferandino [sic] in there. They’re good at what they do, but they can’t do what he can do. They can’t link the play like Michael Carrick.

“He’s a number six with a back four. Give him the ball, he’s comfortable on it, and he passes it forward, beyond the press.”

What follows from Sherwood is something Mediawatch can only describe as terrific.

“When Pep Guardiola’s at Barcelona he’s had Busquets doing that. Xabi Alonso at Bayern Munich. Michael Carrick is a replica of them three players…one of them two players.”

Where to start? But Tim is not done.

“And if Man United don’t wanna play him, Man City will buy him in January.”

We miss him. We really do.

 

Lessons learned
Mike Keegan learned five things at Old Trafford on Thursday night. One of them was that Sam Allardyce was in attendance. Another was that Henrikh Mkhitaryan did not play. A third was that Robin van Persie would have been happy to score.

 

Peddling lies
Excuse Mediawatch for taking a look at the front pages of the national newspapers for a brief moment, but there is good reason. See for yourselves.

Wow. Just wow. ‘Sack man for expressing free speech’ is a ballsy stance to take, particularly for the most popular newspaper in the country. There is a reason that #DontBuyTheSun was one of the top trends on Twitter late Thursday night.

It is also a particularly ballsy stance to take – for a newspaper to call for an individual to be sacked for ‘peddling lies’ – when that same newspaper was responsible for some of the most reprehensible reporting in recent history over the Hillsborough disaster. Were the individuals involved in ‘peddling’ those lies sacked by The Sun?

It took The Sun 23 years to apologise for those despicable and deplorable claims; perhaps it will take Gary Lineker just as long to apologise for retweeting something on Twitter with the message: ‘Wow! Surely not?’

Frankly, the whole thing is utterly diabolical. It’s absolutely abysmal and, most importantly, a remarkably dangerous and ignorant stance for the most popular newspaper in the country to take.

 

Pep talk
Did anyone watch Manchester City’s 4-0 defeat to Barcelona in the Champions League on Wednesday, and immediately find themselves thinking of Jose Mourinho?

No? Well then, dear reader, you are not Duncan Castles. Because Duncan Castles ensures to think about Jose Mourinho at all times – especially when Pep Guardiola is involved. He even has a tattoo which reads, ‘What Would Jose Do?’. Mediawatch cannot disclose where.

You see, Guardiola made what he likely considered a throwaway comment following Wednesday’s loss. “It’s difficult enough to play Barcelona with 11 men. With 10, the game was over,” he told the media.

It was at this point that Castles had a moment. ‘What would Jose do?’ he thought to himself. Or, rather, when Mourinho found himself managing a side with ten men against Barcelona: ‘What did Jose do?’

This, of course, led Castles to write an article for the Daily Record, questioning Guardiola’s claim. ‘Pep Guardiola says you can’t beat Barcelona with 10 men but Jose Mourinho has had to try eight times – how did he get on?’ reads the headline. Obviously

‘At the end of a fourth consecutive match without victory – City’s shape shifting defence conceding 10 goals over the course of them – Guardiola may have been looking for a plausible excuse,’ he writes. ‘Perhaps, however, his memory was failing him. For just a few years previously, in a far more important Champions League match in the stadium, a Guardiola-led Barca had played with a man advantage from the 28th minute yet exited the competition.

‘”Game over” when you are forced to play Barcelona with 10 men? History says otherwise.

‘Perhaps it was the identity of the opposing coach which provoked Guardiola’s forgetfulness, for it was Jose Mourinho’s Internazionale who famously progressed to the 2010 Champions League Final that night in the Camp Nou.’

Castles then documents eight games in which Mourinho faced Barcelona in a game where at least one of his players was sent off. A reminder that Castles is attempting to disprove Guardiola’s claim that “the game is over” when facing the Spaniards with ten men.

There is Didier Drogba’s red card for Chelsea when they led Barca 1-0 in 2005. The Blues would lose 2-1. There was Asier Del Horno’s dismissal at 0-0 in 2006, where Barca would win 2-1. There was the 2010 Champions League semi-final, where Mourinho’s Inter progressed despite losing – losing – 1-0 to Pep’s Catalans.

Castles provides plenty more examples. On the whole, each share one thing in common: Barcelona tend to beat a Mourinho side when said Mourinho side has a player sent off. Which begs the question: What was the bloody point in this article?

But Mourinho’s No 1 fan saves the best until last. After documenting the eight games Mourinho has managed against Barcelona where a man has been sent off, he brings us an occasion where a Chelsea side beat the Spaniards despite being reduced to ten men.

‘Already a goal down, Chelsea lose captain John Terry to an idiotic 37th-minute assault on Alexis Sanchez,’ Castles writes. ‘Barca extend their lead before halftime, but Roberto Di Matteo changes tactics and his team score twice. Guardiola really should remember this “impossible” result. He announced his resignation as Barca coach three days later.’

But that was Roberto Di Matteo, Duncan. Not Jose.

Castles has tweeted the article three separate times, retweeting one of those tweets once, and has one of the tweets pinned at the top of his Mourinho shrine timeline. The most recent one reads: ‘Chelsea, Inter + Madrid all triumphed with 10 men against Pep’s Barca. So why was it ‘game over’ for his Man City??’

Chelsea did – with Roberto Di Matteo in charge. Inter Milan did not – they lost that game 1-0. Real Madrid did. How on Earth did they manage to hold on for two whole minutes in 2011 after Angel di Maria was sent off in the 118th minute when they led 1-0 in the 2011 Copa del Rey final?

Keep trying, Duncan. Jose will notice one day.

 

Tell me all your secrets
For a man whose weekly column for The Sun is dubbed as ‘the inside track on football’s big stories’, Neil Ashton is not an awfully forthright man.

‘Whatever Pep wants at Manchester City, Pep Guardiola gets,’ Ashton writes, pulling back the curtain to expose the control a new manager has over his new club.

‘That is all well and good when City’s new manager goes on to win his opening ten matches in charge.

‘It does not look so clever now that he is four without a win – and the players were screaming out for leaders and experience in the side against the might of Barcelona.

‘That is Pep’s problem after their humiliating night in the Nou Camp.

‘For one of the world’s most highly respected coaches, it should be a doddle to sort it all out.’

Thanks, Neil. No, seriously. Thanks.

 

Say it slow and clear
Elsewhere in Ashton’s ‘inside track’:

Jose Mourinho’s last few months during his latest managerial reign at Chelsea were a bit controversial.

It’s a bit weird that the FA didn’t investigate Jason Puncheon’s comments over Neil Warnock in 2014.

It was nice of David de Gea to help Roberto Firmino with his cramp at Anfield on Monday.

Guardiola is not the only man whose job appears to be ‘a doddle’.

 

Standard
Stan Collymore is busy dropping truth bombs in his weekly column for the Daily Mirror.

‘Pep Guardiola has not revolutionised English football at Manchester City,’ he begins, sounding surprised that a man who has taken a new job in a different country has not already won the Premier League after four months.

‘In demanding this ‘play-at-all-costs’ mentality, he’s making fools out of those who hailed him as the messiah.

‘There really has been a lot of a***-kissing nonsense spouted by people who should know better.

‘According to these aficionados who want to worship at the altar of Pep, the Spaniard is a tactical wizard.’

Collymore goes on to use many, many words to describe how Guardiola is ‘genius’. That kind of description suits only the likes of Brian Clough, former manager of Derby and Nottingham Forest.

‘To me, genius is walking into a dressing-room and seeing that underneath the unkempt, overweight and unloved footballer in the corner was an uncut diamond – a player who went on to be inducted into English football’s National Hall of Fame on Wednesday night – John Robertson.

‘Being a genius involves taking a club from the provinces and leading them to the First Division title – and I’m talking about Derby County here, not Nottingham Forest.

‘Being a genius involves repeating the feat with Forest and lifting the same trophy – and then going on to dominate Europe for two seasons.

‘To me, a genius is being called the best manager that Roy Keane ever played for – and Clough was up against pretty stiff opposition in Sir Alex Ferguson.’

That is an awfully exclusive set of criteria to match in order to be called a ‘genius’, Stan. In fact, it’s one only Clough can match, which is perhaps the point. But is that really a stick to beat Guardiola with, that he is not the same calibre of manager as Clough? Both worked in remarkably different circumstances and eras.

Of course, that point is not lost on Collymore. He adds: ‘I can absolutely guarantee you that if Guardiola was dropped into the hot-seat at Ipswich or Charlton, he wouldn’t be asking his centre-halves to play the ball out from the back. So why does he do it at Manchester City?’

Because he manages Manchester City. He does not manage Ipswich or Charlton. With no disrespect to Christophe Berra or Roger Johnson, they are not John Stones.

Perhaps there is a middle ground, Stan. Maybe Guardiola is not quite as good as some claim him to be, but not nearly as bad as some Duncan Cas… erm, some people, wish to make out.

 

Friend or foe?
As we all know, the MailOnline have a rather worrying obsession with the partners of Premier League footballers – as do many other media outlets. It is common knowledge that a gallery of ‘WAGs’ is a mere click away from any page on the internet.

Sometimes, however, the thirst for a news story concerning the wife or girlfriend of a footballer can go wrong. Just ask George Friend, who might have had some panicky explaining to do this week.

‘Middlesbrough defender George Friend’s partner questions Aitor Karanka’s tactics,’ read the MailOnline headline on a story published on Wednesday. It included quotes from one Beverley Fotheringham, who did indeed question Aitor Karanka’s tactics. The article dubbed the 30-year-old as a ‘sparky WAG’, which is apparently a way to describe a human person.

There was only one problem, however: Fotheringham is not Friend’s partner. “They saw my tweets about the Watford game and saw my tweet calling him my future husband – and called me a sparky WAG,” she told Gazzette Live. “It said that I attacked Aitor Karanka after the home defeat against Watford on Sunday. I had tweeted saying I wanted Dimi to come back and the tactics need to change, but I love Karanka.”

The news surely came as a surprise to Fotheringham, to Friend, and to Friend’s wife Kerri, a former Great Britain volleyball international. Something the slightest bit of research would tell you.

“I don’t know why they’ve taken my tweets and linked me as his partner,” Fotheringham added. ‘Clicks’ is the answer you are looking for.

 

Casualty

‘Vincent Kompany is set to become the latest high-profile casualty of Pep Guardiola’s reign after the Manchester City captain was left out of the squad for the 4-0 Champions League thrashing at Barcelona’ – Chris Wheeler, Daily Mail.

‘Sergio Aguero is set to be the next high-profile casualty of Pep Guardiola’s ruthless Manchester City revolution’ – David McDonnell, Daily Mirror.

‘Sergio Aguero may be the next shock high-profile casualty of Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City revolution’ – Richard Tanner, Daily Express.

Mediawatch has not seen so many high-profile casualties since the heyday of Saturday night television in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

 

On the same page
‘Diego Simeone is tempted by a move to the Premier League as he prepares for life away from Atletico Madrid’ – Sami Mokbel, Daily Mail, October 21.

‘Sportsmail understands Italy remains Simeone’s preferred destination with Inter Milan the club most interested in taking him from La Liga in two year’s time…Simeone started learning English two years ago but is understood to have made slow progress and still feels that the language barrier would make success difficult for him in England’ – Pete Jenson, Daily Mail, September 15.

He was making ‘slow progress’ in English lessons after two years, but just a month later, he’s happy to move and look for a job in the Premier League.

At least talk to each other, guys.

 

Recommended reading of the day
Liam Twomey interviews Victor Moses.

Rob Smyth on comedy goals.

Seamas O’Reilly with a review of Steve Bruce’s third novel.

 

Thanks to Tom Muldowney. If you spot anything that belongs on these hallowed pages, send a message with the title ‘Mediawatch’ to theeditor@football365.com.