The headline we thought we would never read
‘Coleen Rooney ‘urges husband Wayne to ditch close friend and ex-team mate Wes Brown’ to save marriage’ – Daily Mirror.
According to the Daily Telegraph, this is the second biggest story in football on Thursday morning:
‘Wayne Rooney could feature in Everton-themed Angry Birds game – but the colour red is proving an issue’
Is it? Has he refused to wear it? That does sound a bit mental. And kind of almost newsworthy. Go on then, we’ll give it a click…
‘There were howls of derision from certain sections of the fanbase due to the game’s main character being a red bird – the colour of Merseyside rivals Liverpool, of course.’
Right. It really was a load of old sh*t all along.
And if I should falter…
Arsenal have won eight consecutive home games in the Premier League.
Arsenal are unbeaten in their last five games in all competitions.
And yet when you send Mark Irwin of The Sun to watch Arsenal beat West Brom 2-0 to move within a point of fourth place, this is what he writes:
‘FALTERING Arsenal are going to need all the assistance they can get to stay in touch with the Premier League big guns.
‘Yet even the helping hand of referee Bobby Madley could not disguise just how far the Gunners are falling behind their major rivals.
‘While City, United and Chelsea are brushing opponents aside with contemptuous ease, Arsene Wenger’s team are labouring to see off even the most unambitious of rivals.’
A reminder – were it required – that it is a full two days since Manchester United ended a 1-0 win over Southampton (level on points with West Brom) with six defenders and three central midfielders on the pitch. Contemptuous ease? It looked awfully like they were ‘labouring’ to Mediawatch.
Oh and it is fully two weeks since Chelsea were held 0-0 at home to Arsenal. Which is odd considering ‘just how far the Gunners are falling behind their major rivals’.
And in a neat twist of fate, Arsenal now have ten points from six games. Now nobody is saying that the Gunners are about to win the title, but those with memories longer than the average goldfish might recall another team with the same record being written off about this time last year.
We have an idea: Shall we call them ‘faltering’ when they haven’t won eight straight Premier League games at home?
The Arsenal negativity is ramped up again in the Daily Mirror, with Mike Walters writing:
‘And moving up to seventh, a point behind Watford and the squatters at Wembley, is not the stuff of handstands up the Holloway Road.
‘Seldom, if ever, has Wenger seemed more fringe than mainstream in the title race.’
And this was after a victory – the eighth consecutive Premier League victory at the Emirates, no less.
Mediawatch would now like to take a minute to mark the near-anniversary of these words, written by Walters’ colleague Darren Lewis after watching Arsenal destroy Chelsea 3-0:
‘The Chelsea as we know it is finished. The squad built by Jose Mourinho did well to win the title two seasons ago but a number of this team are no longer up to it.
‘It is going to be a long season for Conte who will obviously not admit as much but will know that a number of the squad slaughtered here in north London will not be back in a years’ time.
‘Conte was passive on the touchline as Arsenal ripped through his side to go 2-0 up during the first 14 minutes because he knew that there was little he could do. The Blues are a stale, tired, creaking side whose best days are gone.’
Now how did that one end?
It’s almost Halloween so it’s time for a ‘terrifying warning’ (h/t Metro) from Alvaro Morata.
“I am happy with my start in the Premier League but I can do better.”
Woah there. It’s before bloody 9pm.
Expert of the day
‘I would say the Manchester clubs are looking the best in the Premier League right now, with City shading it over United as favourites’ – Phil Neville, Sky Sports, expertly looking at the Premier League table.
Well done to The Sun for giving back-page space to Romelu Lukaku ‘hoping Manchester United fans sing his name for the right reasons against CSKA Moscow’. They’re right; this 24-inch penis stuff has to end now. It is degrading and as Lukaku’s own agent said: “He’d like this song to stop. They are talking more about the song than about his football. That’s his and my quote.”
So let’s move on…
You can always rely on The S*n
— Simon Needle (@simonneedle) September 26, 2017
Stan Collymore is ‘the man who always speaks his mind’ in the Daily Mirror; it’s just a shame that his mind if full of nonsense. He writes:
‘TOMER HEMED may well get some retrospective punishment for an apparent stamp on DeAndre Yedlin and that’s a shame for me.
‘I’m a massive fan of physicality and if there’s something that is not designed to hurt an opponent, but is designed to intimidate an opponent then I am all for it.’
Mediawatch would love to see the stamp on a calf that is ‘not designed to hurt an opponent’; we think it’s called a ‘step’ and it’s not punishable by the FA.
Liverpool Man United Liverpool Man United
The golden egg of football SEO is ‘Liverpool’ and ‘Man United’ in the same headline, so congratulations to the Daily Express…
‘Man Utd news: Jose Mourinho meets Liverpool fan… what he does next is brilliant’
And it is ‘brilliant’. As long as you are impressed with a grown man wearing a sticker.