Mediawatch: ‘Man eats; man does not text’

Date published: Friday 15th July 2016 11:43

If anybody was in any doubt that Friday July 15, 2016 was a slow day for football news…the above is the very biggest thing in football at 10.30am, according to the behemoth that is MailOnline. Yes, that is a man going out for dinner with his friends.


The second biggest story?
‘£15m for Ibe, £33m to land Batshuayi and Pogba set to cost an eye-watering £100m – here’s why Premier League transfer fees have gone into orbit.’

Bizarrely, the Mail Online use more than the three words required to write ‘new TV deal’. 1175 more words, to be precise.


Dropping the H bomb

You know what’s actually interesting? Six of their last eight tweets mentioning Zlatan Ibrahimovic have spelt his name wrong. It’s obviously difficult when these little-known foreigners come over…


Careless whispers
Friday July 15, 08.24: Sky Sports’ transfer centre brings us the ‘top 10 hottest whispers right now, according to our friends at Football Whispers’. In case you forgot, ‘Football Whispers uses a unique algorithm to rank transfer rumours out of five based on the likelihood they’ll really happen’. Second on this list of ‘hottest whispers right now’ is Julian Draxler to Arsenal, behind only Alexandre Lacazette to Arsenal, almost as if Football Whispers’ ‘unique algorithm’ merely tells you which transfers are being discussed on the internet by the most popular Premier League clubs on the internet.

Friday July 15, 09.19: Sky Sports’ transfer centre reports that ‘Wolfsburg’s director of sport Klaus Allofs has ruled out Julian Draxler leaving the club this summer’.

Lesson for the day: Even algorithms can be bullsh*t.


Three ridiculous headlines from far more successful websites
‘Manchester United coach stunned by youngster who’s got the ‘wow factor” – Metro. The youngster is Timothy Fosu-Mensah; the Manchester United coach is Paul McGuinness.

‘Arsenal Transfer News: Forward drops hint, £26m West Ham hijack, Draxler message’ – Daily Express. The forward is Wellington Silva; he has never played for Arsenal.

‘Snapped: Has Andros Townsend copied Wayne Rooney and got a hair transplant?’ – Daily Star. The answer of course is ‘we haven’t a clue, we are just speculating wildly and quite possibly libelously’.


One nonsensical headline from a far, far more successful website
‘Pogba would be willing to discuss United return to Mourinho calls’ – MailOnline. That’s just a collection of words designed to generate hits and confuse Mediawatch.


Order order

Actual quotes from Claudio Ranieri: “I don’t want to lose him, but I can understand if he wants to go. I would like to know, to be sure who stays with me or not, because the friendly matches start now and I have to start to manage and change and try things.”

No more Mr Nice Guy, eh; Claudio is just about ready to blow.


Quite why the Daily Star opted for that nonsense non-story on their back page when they have a Manchester United EXCLUSIVE is beyond Mediawatch. Or it was beyond Mediawatch until we read the Manchester United EXCLUSIVE.

‘RYAN GIGGS was pushed towards the Manchester United exit door after Jose Mourinho refused to speak to him.’

We had images of Mourinho walking past a pleading Giggs waving a dismissive hand until we read on…

‘But now it has emerged that Mourinho didn’t even contact Giggs after being appointed Louis van Gaal’s successor.’

Oh. So just to be clear that’s ‘man does not text other man’.


Talking of bollocks back pages…

Once again, Mediawatch is reminded of an old axiom that something is not actually news if the exact opposite is a far, far better story.


A little bit of politics
Writes Paul Jiggins of The Sun after he has got over Antonio Conte looking ‘more fashion designer or film star than football manager’ (nope, us neither):

‘The new Prime Minister Theresa May will be pleased. She has only been in the job a couple of days and already a group of 20 or so mainly foreign layabouts in west London – who did hardly anything between August and December last year – are already getting back to work.’

Oh Jiggo, you’re a card.


The Daily Star
bring us this snippet: ‘BRADFORD defender Luke Oliver is expected to miss the entire season after rupturing his Achilles.’

A massive blow for Bradford, that; Luke Oliver left in 2014.


Recommended reading of the day
Gerard Brand on the move away from possession football
Dion Fanning on England not being the impossible job
Nick Ames walks us through some European transfers

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