That was the back page of the Daily Mirror when Manchester United signed Anthony Martial. Today the headline reads ‘MARTIAL AWE’. Just a very slight difference.
As Chief Sports Writer Dave Kidd writes: ‘Part Cristiano Ronaldo, part Florence Nightingale – it’s the sort of combination you might expect for £36million rising to somewhere around £50m with add-ons.
‘Martial was a panic buy in the dying hours of the transfer window – but there is nothing in the rules to insist that a panic buy cannot end up a roaring success.’
What a WASTE OF MONEY though, eh.
Dad Joke Of The Day
‘Much more of this and they’ll be re-naming the Theatre of Dreams as Court Martial’ – Dave Kidd.
The golden rule of modern football reporting is that we must always learn five things. Never four (not enough learning) or even six (too much learning) but exactly five.
The Daily Mirror followed this rule for their Liverpool-Norwich match report in learning that ‘wing-backs are not the answer to the Reds’ lack of width’, backed up by an Alberto Moreno player rating of ‘6’. Apparently his delivery was a ‘little suspect’.
We will just leave this here:
— Squawka Football (@Squawka) September 20, 2015
Dear Mr Precedent
Football Editor Charlie Wyett takes two whole pages of The Sun to tell us that Diego Costa should be banned for his actions on Saturday. Thanks for that. Ground has very much been broken there.
Apparently, not punishing Costa would ‘give Chelsea’s Spanish striker licence to continue acting like a thug’. The FA should ‘show some guts’ by, you know, going through the correct disciplinary process.
After all, the three-match ban the FA gave Costa in January for stamping on Emre Can stopped him right in his dirty tracks.
Chief Football Writer John Cross (haven’t they all got fancy titles these days?) tells us on the back page of the Daily Mirror that ‘JOHN TERRY is facing the humiliation of playing in Chelsea’s second string in the Capital One Cup third round tie at Walsall’.
Alternatively, John Terry is probably quite looking forward to playing a game of actual football after 11 days of inaction.
Remind us, was it ‘humiliating’ when Oscar played in the Capital One Cup at the same stage last season?
Joy In Repetition
Writes Rob Beasley in his Aston Villa match report in The Sun:
‘Villa’s lack of intensity against West Brom was alarming. They had a group huddle before kick-off but it was a group muddle for the next 90 minutes.
‘There was an alarming lack of intensity…’
We make that two alarms but no surprises.
Thin Line Between Love And Hate
‘NORMALLY at least one or two of the promoted sides look like relegation candidates. This year I’d hate to pick one out,’ says Jamie Redknapp in the Daily Mail.
Odd, as he didn’t hate to pick out Norwich and Watford on the Sky Sports website before the season began.
Worst Opening Paragraph Of The Day
‘HEUNG-MIN SON was singing food glorious food after grabbing the winner against Crystal Palace’ – Pat Sheehan, The Sun.
He really, really wasn’t.
Spot The Difference
Newcastle match report in The Sun: ‘IT is hard to gauge who has had a worse 2015 – Newcastle or their head coach.’
Newcastle match report in The Daily Mirror: ‘STEVE McCLAREN has admitted Newcastle are still searching for an identity.’
Remind us again which tabloid is Newcastle’s ‘preferred media partner’.
‘Here’s my selection – do you agree?’ asks Garth Crooks on his team of the week on the BBC Sport website. Do we?
- Well, we would have probably included a left-back (Alberto Moreno?) rather than a right-back and three centre-halves so we had to crowbar Kurt Zouma in as a defensive midfielder. 3-1-3-3? Who the f*** plays 3-1-3-3? Even Brendan Rodgers would balk at that.
- We probably wouldn’t have called Jamie Vardy a ‘Fox in the box’ if we were going to name him in midfield as one of five strikers.
- We definitely wouldn’t have included Branislav Ivanovic on the grounds that ‘he was back to something that faintly resembled his best’ and then admit ‘we will never know how good his performance really was’.
Quote Of The Day
“I didn’t come here for a relegation battle” – Sunderland’s Jeremain Lens really should have looked at any Premier League table from the last three seasons.
Question Of The Day
‘ARE you also going out with Agbonlahor?’ – The Sun after revealing that the ‘Aston Villa rat’ has three women.
Slightly Misleading Clickbait Of The Day
Headline Of The Day
‘SCOFF TO A FLIER’ – The Daily Mirror hit gold with that ‘Heung-Min Son brings in food’ story.
Worst Headline Of The Day
‘Value For Mahrez’ – The Sun. It simply makes no sense.
Non-Football Story Of The Day