This took our breath away, even by the MailOnline’s standards
Wednesday is Jamie Vardy’s wedding day. You don’t have to like Vardy, but he’s getting married – it’s presumably a happy day for him and his new wife.
MailOnline pick today to put the following headline on the top of their football homepage: ‘The most brazen WAG of all: Three children by three dads. A fling with Peter Andre. No wonder England football hero Jamie Vardy’s parents WON’T be at his wedding today.’
‘However, when it comes to the somewhat colourful persona of the bride, the fairytale falls apart,’ a piece by Alison Boshoff and Andy Dolan begins. Neither of the two are sports journalists, but the story is splashed all over their sports (web)pages.
‘For Vardy’s mother Lisa and stepfather Phil – who has raised him since he was a baby – will not be there because they do not approve of their son’s choice of wife, a glossy, risque brunette named Becky Nicholson.
‘So, what’s the problem? Well, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Becky, who will be gliding down the aisle in a £5,000 traditional white dress, is anything but a blushing bride. For she has not only been married once before as a teenager, but has also gone on to have two children by two other men.’
It goes on for many, many paragraphs, the same bitter, awful s**t sold as public interest ‘news’. We can only advise you not to read it.
‘Glossy, risque brunette’? It’s their f**king wedding day, people. Could you really not have avoided such a c**t’s trick?
Please don’t go…
Arsenal fans, are you worried about your best players leaving after another season of just not quite? Well then worry no more.
‘Alexis Sanchez confirms he’s staying at Arsenal by sharing picture of new squad number,’ reads an article on The Sun website.
‘Alexis Sanchez has appeared to confirm he is staying at Arsenal by sharing a picture of himself wearing the Gunners’ new kit complete with his brand-new squad number.
‘The Chilean star’s future has been the subject of much speculation, with Bayern Munich linked to the forward, among other teams.
‘However, one day after Arsenal tweeted a picture of Sanchez in his new No7 squad number, a switch from No17, he has done the same on photo-sharing site Instagram.’
Mediawatch could point out that nobody has really seriously thought Sanchez leaving Arsenal was likely. Mediawatch could also point out that his squad number in May makes almost no difference; he’s simply taken Tomas Rosicky’s vacant number.
On Monday, the Daily Mirror reported that Zlatan Ibrahimovic would become Manchester United’s first signing of the Jose Mourinho era.
On Monday, Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf reported that Ibrahimovic would become Manchester United’s first signing of the Mourinho era.
On Monday, Metro reported that Zlatan Ibrahimovic was set to be Mourinho’s first signing as Manchester United manager.
On Monday, Daily Star reported that ‘Mourinho makes stunning first move as Old Trafford boss’.
On Tuesday, BBC Sport reported that Jose Mourinho could make Zlatan Ibrahimovic his first Man Utd signing.
On Wednesday morning, the Daily Mail’s back-page splash is that Zlatan Ibrahimovic will become Jose Mourinho’s first signing.
On Wednesday morning, The Sun’s back page splash is that Zlatan Ibrahimovic will become Jose Mourinho’s first signing.
The latter is an ‘exclusive’.
Shock quote of the day
“If Giggs left the club I think it would be very sad. He’s been there 20-odd years and knows the place inside-out, how the club works and what kind of football is expected. It would be really disappointing if he did leave” – Paul Scholes.
Man looks out for his mate.
What’s your fantasy
“Football is a changing world and the one thing about managers now is we get used to getting the sack. The lifespan of a manager is 13-14 months, which is ludicrous isn’t it? Always when a manager loses his job, whether it’s Louis van Gaal or even Jose Mourinho this year, then you wonder how crazy the world is” – Steve Bruce.
Mediawatch is also surprised that Bruce was allowed to spend £65m over two years, was relegated and still kept his job, but not sure we would call it “ludicrous”.
Note to do with me
‘Jose Mourinho pictured with mystery notes as he closes in on Manchester United job,’ reads the headline on the Mirror Football website.
‘Jose Mourinho has been pictured outside his London home with some mystery notes as closes in on the Manchester United job. The Portuguese is set to replace Louis van Gaal at Old Trafford after his sacking was finally confirmed on Monday. And the ex-Real Madrid coach has been pictured clutching a series of mystery notes.’
Simply by looking at the mystery notes, Mediawatch can make out ‘Employment Tribunal’, ‘I have never heard this allegation before’, ‘not true’, ‘witness’, ‘evidence’ and ‘fantasy’.
You don’t need to be a combination of Sherlock Holmes, Inspector Morse and Scooby Doo to work out that the ‘mystery’ notes might refer to his upcoming employment tribunal case with Eva Carneiro.
Tell me why
‘Is the Liverpool midfielder [Adam Lallana] really good enough for England?’ asks Dominic King in the Daily Mail. ‘The answer, emphatically, is yes. Why? Here’s the first story. During the summer of 2014, when Liverpool were embarking on an aggressive recruitment drive, news began to swirl around the club’s Melwood training base that Lallana was a prime target.
‘Steven Gerrard, naturally, always took a keen interest in who Liverpool were signing and when Lallana’s name came into the conversation as a potential arrival on Merseyside, his approval was instant and glowing. ‘Top player,’ said Gerrard.’
Apropos of everything, here’s Gerrard on Joe Cole from 2010:
“Messi can do some amazing things, but anything he can do Joe can do as well, if not better.”
Can we get a second opinion?
Worst headline of the day
‘Arsenal beat Premier League rivals to £100m record-breaking deal’ – Daily Star.
Yes, that’s their take on Arsenal’s broadcasting revenues. It’s all f**ked, folks.
Recommended reading of the day
Michael Cox on Cristiano Ronaldo.
Blair Newman on Walter Mazzarri.
Marina Hyde on Mourinho and Guardiola.