Mediawatch: Sanchez the hard-working b*stard

Daniel Storey

There’s news in anything
‘Manchester United will LOSE Europa League final to Ajax…according to a psychic Dutch cow’ – The Sun. Almost literal bullsh*t.

 

Hard-working b*stard
‘PRIMA GUNNERS’ screams the back page of The Sun on Tuesday. ‘Keown blasts over-indulged Alexis and Ozil.’

That’s right: Martin Keown is not happy with Mesut Ozil or Alexis Sanchez for the way in which they have let Arsenal down. It’s at this point that Sanchez probably points to his record of goals, assists and man-of-the-match displays, but Keown has his reasons:

“It became about Ozil and Sanchez for too long in the season. Their behaviour let Arsenal down in that period.

“Sanchez is a difficult man to manage off the pitch. I was at the training ground on one of his days off and he suddenly turned up and was bouncing around the training pitch.

“They were having to facilitate him and put a training session on for him. It’s not necessarily about you as a player – you have to fit in as well with the group.”

So you’re saying that Arsenal’s best player wanted to do extra work on his day off? And the training ground staff had to facilitate that? What a b*stard.

 

Don’t know much about algebra
Mediawatch isn’t surprised that plenty of UK-based media outlets only chose to report on Antoine Griezmann’s chances of joining Manchester United out of ten, rather than the higher mark given to Griezmann’s chance of staying in Madrid.

The Daily Mirror, Daily Mail, Guardian and BBC Sport managed to hear the bit about joining United being “six out of ten”, but then missed Griezmann saying it was a “seven out of ten” for him to stay at Atletico Madrid. We’ve also got a migraine from trying to work out the logic in that maths.

Top marks, however, goes to the Daily Telegraph’s James Ducker, who writes that ‘the France forward has now admitted negotiations over a move to Old Trafford were 60 per cent complete’.

That’s really not what he said, or even an obfuscation of what was said. Or are negotiations for him to stay at Atletico 70 per cent complete too?

 

What would Jose do?
‘If they keep Wenger, I don’t see them getting close to the top. I just think tactically Wenger has lost it. Sometimes you’ve got to play games like horses for courses. Mourinho goes to places, sets up and makes sure they don’t get beat, Wenger does not play that game’ – Paul Merson, Skysports.com.

Mediawatch does agree with Merson’s point about Wenger’s occasional big-game naivety, but he did take six more points than Jose Mourinho this season. And as for Mourinho ‘going to places and not getting beat’, we’re leaving Arsenal, Chelsea and Tottenham off that list, right?

 

When the season has finished and traffic is suffering
‘Ultimate League reveals Liverpool are England’s top team, followed by Man Utd and Arsenal’ – Skysports.com.

Yes, the ‘Ultimate League’ is a league table based on the last 50 years. Who knew Liverpool were half-decent in the 1970s and 1980s?

 

All aboard
‘Liverpool stars enjoy dinner with Klopp and Gerrard ahead of epic journey to Australia’ – MailOnline.

‘Liverpool set off on their epic journey to Australia as legends Gerrard, Carragher and McManaman join them for Sydney friendly’ – MailOnline.

Is it 1822? Are Liverpool going by boat?

 

Imagine
From the Daily Telegraph’s transfer gossip:

‘However, Talksport has claimed Everton co-owner Farhad Moshiri has got involved and has placed an imaginary price tag of £100m on Romelu Lukaku.’

The Telegraph there, blowing away the idea of the metaphor. And we thought Lukaku was going to have to wear it around his neck all day.

 

Pep talk
From the Daily Telegraph’s ‘10 reasons 2017/18 will be better than 2016/17’:

‘Phase two of Pep Guardiola’s masterplan will start to bare fruit.’

A peeled banana, presumably.

 

You know you’re relying too much on statistics when…
…You pick Curtis Davies as the ‘top reader of the game in the Premier League’ because he made the most interceptions last season. Have a word, Daily Mirror.

 

And you know you’re relying too much on statistics when…
…You’re calling Asmir Begovic the worst goalkeeper in the Premier League, Aaron Cresswell the third worst defender and Hal Robson-Kanu the worst player full stop. Have a word, Independent (and don’t call your list ‘definitive’).

 

Oh Moyesy

*Stands to applaud*

 

Misleading headline of the day
‘TERRY PROBE’ – Daily Mail.

The only thing you’ll find up there is his head.

 

Recommended reading of the day
Ed Aarons on Kasper Dolberg.

Jack Pitt-Brooke with Marc Overmars.

Matthew Stanger at the Shanghai derby.