Mediawatch: This can never be unseen now…

In case you were wondering, yes that is the worst thing ever.

Glad to clear that one up.

 

Remember, remember
It’s not that the MailOnline have got a tad carried away but the top story on their football page at 12pm on Monday is:

‘A gluttony of goals! With 13 different scorers already this season, will Klopp’s devastating attacking threat land Liverpool the title?’

Well maybe! We don’t know! The title is not traditionally decided by the number of goalscorers!

And here’s the story:

‘Liverpool have twice as many goalscorers as at this stage of the last campaign: Jurgen Klopp’s attacking style creating a team that can score from anywhere, through anyone. Eleven games in, their record of 10 scorers is a league high. Opponents find defending against Liverpool to be intense from all over and, hence, it has become near-impossible to blunt Klopp’s side. Only Manchester United have managed to hold them goalless so far.’

Number of different goalscorers for Manchester City at this time last year: 14.
Number of different PL goalscorers for Manchester City at this time last year: 12
Position finished by Manchester City: Fourth.

It’s November, people.

 

When I played for United…
Here’s Garth Crooks on the BBC website while discussing the world’s most expensive player Paul Pogba:

‘I played alongside Bryan Robson and Arnold Muhren while on loan at Manchester United in the 1980s – and with them the bigger the game, the greater their performance.’

A little investigation reveals that Crooks started just six First Division games while on loan at Manchester United; they won two.

Crooks’ last two results as a Manchester United starter were a 1-1 draw with a Coventry side who finished 19th and a 3-3 draw with a soon-to-be-relegated Notts County.

Poor Garth; they didn’t let him play in the bigger games when they needed a greater performance. But Bryan Robson and Arnold Muhren sure looked good from the bench.

 

V for Victor
Have Chelsea ‘stumbled on another Ashley Cole?’

Have they balls, Garth. Victor Moses is a right wing-back – not a full-back, never mind a left-back – and he turns 26 next month.

 

What a difference 89 minutes against Swansea make..
Neil Ashton, The Sun, October 10: ‘Wayne Rooney has not been himself for months. Not for Manchester United and certainly not for England…We have come to expect so much from him. It seems he can longer meet those expectations…He has not played well in months, he knows that. His performance at Watford, when everything was bouncing off his knees and into touch, was a new low…On Saturday he was ponderous and lethargic, a million miles away from the player who tore into defences at Euro 2004. This does not have to be the end. Today, though, it certainly feels like it is.’

Neil Ashton, The Sun, October 11: ‘Truth be told, he struggled to convince that he can come back from this and be his old self…nobody outside his family and close circle of friends really believes he will rediscover the old Roo.’

Neil Ashton, The Sun, November 7: ‘The rumours of Wayne Rooney’s demise have been greatly exaggerated.  Here at the Liberty Stadium he finally looked like a footballer again. A good one, at that…Here was the old Rooney, the old Manchester United. The swashbuckling Rooney, the sparkling United.’

At this point, only a d*** would point out that Rooney was dispossessed more than any other United player, had the second-worst pass completion rate among United outfield players and did not deliver a single accurate cross against Swansea.

Shush, Mediawatch. As Ashton says: ‘The big man, unquestionably, is back.’

 

One goal, two views
Neil Ashton in The Sun: ‘Rooney set up two goals for Zlatan Ibrahimovic and, if he was being greedy, could claim to a hand in Paul Pogba’s opener…it was a delicious move, started by Pogba and finished off after an interchange between Ibra and Rooney. Swansea somehow cleared it but only as far as Pogba on the edge of the box. And one touch later the ball was flying beyond Lukasz Fabianski and into the back of the net.’

David McDonnell in The Daily Mirror: ‘United, who moved up to sixth with the win, took the lead in the 15th minute with a goal of sumptuous quality from Pogba, who began and finished the move in exquisite style. Pogba’s chipped ball forward was met by Rooney, who tried to flick it into the danger area, only for Swansea defender Mike van der Hoorn to head out. There seemed little danger as the ball dropped outside the area, but Pogba displayed superb technique and agility to dispatch an arrow-like half-volley beyond the reach of Lucasz Fabianski.

McDonnell seems a tad less convinced that the big man, unquestionably, is back; he gave him 7/10.

 

Quote unquote
Those comments from Jose Mourinho on Chris Smalling and Luke Shaw were plenty good enough without the Daily Mirror using the words ‘man up’ in their sub-headline and “man up” in the opening paragraph of their back-page story.

The thing with quote marks is that they are designed to, you know, mark quotes.

 

Hot take
From the Daily Express website: ‘Gareth Southgate: This is my take on Jose Mourinho blasting Luke Shaw and Chris Smalling.’

Here is Gareth Southgate’s take on Jose Mourinho blasting Luke Shaw and Chris Smalling: “It is a club matter and it is not for me to comment on in terms of players playing with injury. In individual situations you need all the information to be able to comment.”

Mediawatch will not be sharing its take on the Daily Express website as we have vowed to be nicer.

 

Blind spot

And what was the ‘massive update’?

We hand over to Fenerbahce doctor Burak Kunduracıoğl:

“After the investigations we learned that nothing important happened.”

Absolutely don’t let that spoil the suggestion that a man has gone blind though, fellas.

 

Double take tweet of the day

Was it by explaining that incest should not really be taboo in 2016? Love is love, after all.

 

Recommended reading of the day
The FSF reveal their list of awards nominees
Michael Cox on three at the back in Chelsea v Everton
Adam Bate on the expert handling of Antonio Conte