Mediawatch: Wenger’s Arsenal successor revealed

Matt Stead

Two-club man
A bleary-eyed Mediawatch was as confused enough as it was on Friday morning with news of increased train ticket prices and the revelation that Donald Trump had appointed Martin Allen as his defence secretary. Then Mediawatch opened the Daily Mirror. Big mistake.

‘HARRY K IS OUR NEW STEVIE G’ reads the headline to a two-page spread. The Tottenham striker has signed a new contract, and Mauricio Pochettino is ruddy delighted. The sub-headline poses a question:

‘Pochettino puts an arm around his star striker and says: One day he could become a loyal one-club man like Gerrard or Terry…why not?’

There are two problems here. First, Kane cannot be a one-club man. He has had four separate loan spells with different clubs. He can be a ‘one-permanent-club’ man, but that just sounds like a terrible superhero.

Second, neither of the other two men mentioned qualify, either. We don’t feel it too pedantic to point out that Terry spent time on loan at Nottingham Forest in 2000, while the problem with Gerrard is obvious. Can he really be a one-club man when the most recent club he played for is not the ‘one club’ he was supposedly ‘loyal’ to?

Neil McLeman ploughs on regardless, however:

‘And unless they get a Gareth Bale-style offer, he could yet join a rare band of one-club men in the modern era like former England stars Gerrard and Terry.’

Indeed. It’s a band so rare that the two you mention are not even members, much like ‘Harry K’.

 

Sugar Kane

‘Harry Kane could earn £150,000 a week thanks to his new six-year mega-deal with Spurs’ – The Sun.

‘The deal runs until 2022 and Kane will earn about £120,000 a week plus bonuses’ – The Times.

‘Harry Kane has secured a huge wage hike to £100,000 a week and could see his earning rocket even further after signing a new five-and-a-half-year contract with Tottenham. He was on £60,000 a week’ – Daily Mail.

‘Kane’s contract is worth over £100,000 a week with bonuses’ – Daily Mirror.

‘It is understood the 23-year-old will earn a basic £90,000 a week’ – Daily Telegraph.

‘Kane penned a new five-and-a-half-year deal that sees a basic salary of £50,000 a week rise to about £80,000’ – Daily Express.

So Kane will be earning £150,000 a week. Or ‘about £80,000’. Thanks for clearing that up, guys.

 

Broken news

Crikey. This is huge, huge news. Huge news on a slow Friday, no less. Convenient, but sure.

The headline starts off strong. ‘Arsenal news: RB Leipzig coach Ralph Hasenhuttl sensationally confirms he is in line to replace Arsene Wenger as Gunners manager’. We even have a ‘BREAKING NEWS’ tag, so we know this is for real. It’s just strange The Sun are the only outlet reporting it. We’ll give them the benefit of the doubt; perhaps they were simply quicker than everyone else.

But by the time Mediawatch has read the sub-headline, alarm bells are already ringing

‘Austrian chief, who has led his side to the top of the Bundesliga table, claims he may take over at the Emirates next season’

From ‘sensationally confirms’ to ‘may take over’ in a matter of a few words. Impressive.

So what is it that Hasenhuttl has actually said?

“I have heard of worse fates than succeeding the longest-serving manager in England.

“It’s not damaging my reputation, is it?

“We don’t have to put too much thought into [the Arsenal job]. I have found my luck here.”

Pack your bags, Arsene. ‘Ralph has the job,’ mate.

 

 

Mail order
Well looky here, we’ve got two headlines. One is from the Daily Telegraph. See if you can guess where the other is from.

‘Didier Drogba’s charitable foundation fully cleared of any fraud or corruption’

‘Charity chiefs slam Didier Drogba’s foundation after it was exposed by the Mail for spending £439,000 on parties rather than on good causes’

Yes, they are both on the exact same story. We cannot think of a reason why the Daily Mail would exclude any mention of Drogba’s charity being ‘fully cleared of any fraud or corruption’.

Still, well done for ‘exposing’ naff all, gents.

 

Case for the defence
Fans of Mediawatch (you weird, lovely people) will know that Manchester United want to sign a defender. That’s because Manchester United keep telling people they want to sign a defender. And Friday is no different, because Manchester United have told someone that they want to sign a defender.

Who have they told? Duncan Castles, of course. ‘Manchester United set to back Jose Mourinho with January funds for top-level defender,’ reads the headline in the Daily Record.

It’s your typical transfer story. There is no mention of any amount of money whatsoever, nor any potential targets, just that United want a defender. Because they really, really want a defender.

Why do they want a defender? Allow Castles to explain:

‘Forced to operate with a squad in which his most experienced defender Smalling had less than 150 league appearances, Mourinho subsequently suffered a series of rearguard lapses wholly uncharacteristic of his coaching philosophy.

‘Individual errors have cost United a number of early or decisive goals and points, keeping just seven clean sheets in 22 matches.’

Leaving aside Mourinho’s ‘series of rearguard lapses’, which sound really rather personal, that is phenomenal. You see, the Portuguese has been forced to use a defence comprised of a £30million left-back (who he doesn’t play), two England international centre-halves, two solid enough right-backs, and plenty of cover.

You might wonder, if Mourinho was appointed in May, he knew precisely the squad he would inherit. Why did he not look to sign more defenders if he knew he would be ‘forced to operate’ with the substandard selection he had? Well, Castles yet again has the answer.

‘Though Mourinho advised his new club to sign a second central defender and full back in the summer window, neither reinforcement was secured as Woodward and his staff failed to make space in United’s squad by moving out any of a group of senior professionals deemed surplus to requirements.’

Lovely. Just as United’s supposedly porous defence is not the manager’s fault, nor is the club’s failure to sign players. Jose did try and tell them, you see.

For clarity: United have conceded 15 goals in the Premier League this season. Liverpool have conceded 14; Arsenal have conceded 13. Perhaps the defence isn’t the problem.

 

Oh, when the Saints…
David Woods has a message for Southampton in his Daily Star column.

‘It’s high time the Saints stopped marching out of St Mary’s,’ he writes. ‘Southampton may not be most people’s idea of a sexy club – but they could be if they start holding onto their star players.’

It’s a nice thought, and very much a piece in praise of the ‘true miracle club’ – although it is hardly ground-breaking to claim they would be better if they didn’t sell Gareth Bale.

‘They have a seemingly endless supply of terrific new players to replace the ones who have been sold, with Sam McQueen and 19-year-old winger Josh Sims – man of the match on his debut against Everton – the latest.

‘But wouldn’t it be nice to see some ambition this time? Who knows what heights they could hit if they keep their stars?’

The problem with that argument is that, by keeping Dejan Lovren, there is no Virgil van Dijk. By keeping Adam Lallana, there is no Sadio Mane. By keeping Luke Shaw, there is no Ryan Bertrand.

It is not a question of the club showing ambition – six consecutive seasons of finishing in higher league positions suggests they’re doing alright. These players are leaving for clubs such as Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal, all of whom regularly compete in Europe and can offer considerably higher wages.

Mediawatch would also love to see Southampton top of the Premier League with a forward line of Gareth Bale and Sadio Mane, with Dejan Lovren and Virgil van Dijk in central defence and Artur Boruc in goal (because that would be hilarious). It simply isn’t feasible – ‘ambitious’ or not.

 

Shrink rap
Credit to the Daily Mirror for dealing sensitively with the news that Gareth Southgate underwent tests with a psychologist as part of the interview process to become England manager.

It is a logical, reasonable, rational thing to ensure a man with three years worth of experience in senior football management is mentally prepared for the difficulties and scrutiny involved in coaching the national team, after all.

So how do the Mirror treat the story with appropriate care, good taste and understanding? With a back-page headline of ‘THEY SHRINK IT’S ALL OVER’. And with a first paragraph also including the word ‘shrink’. And with a headline of ‘SHRINK SHOCK’ within the paper.

 

Optimism of the day

‘Watford have no intention of selling Odion Ighalo next month – even though the £37million-rated striker is out of favour.’

£37million-rated. Still? Sheesh.

 

No depths too low
We present the following (almost) without comment.

Wow. Just wow.

 

Recommended reading of the day
David Preece on Paul Stewart.

Sid Lowe on El Clasico.

Matt Stanger interviews Tony Collins.