Neville Southall tweeting about skeletons: A round-up

Date published: Thursday 5th October 2017 6:46

Twitter can be a dark and dangerous place. There are trolls and cute animal videos that force you into a rabbit hole that wastes an entire evening. In fact, if it wasn’t for Daniel Storey being called a lego-headed mongrel twat that time, we would doubt the point of the entire platform.

And then Neville Southall started tweeting about skeletons, and you suddenly realise that Twitter need not be a place of hatred. It can be a place where 90s footballers muse about life’s little oddities, such as why lampposts aren’t made out of human bones.

Suddenly anyone without a Twitter account feels a little silly:

It’s an interesting start. Nev’s first step into the skeleton recycling arena is to wonder why we don’t literally have skeletons stood by the side of the road holding up signs. This one of the strangest – and yet most brilliant – thoughts of all time.

Southall then challenges us on the subject: ‘Cannot say you’ve never seen them’. Yes Nev, we can say that we’ve never seen them.

It’s when Nev starts talking about the market for skeletons that we worry he’s got a few in his shed that he wants to shift.

 

Now you’re talking. Not only is Southall proposing something else to do with skeletons – and we can see problems with the street sign-holding thing – he is also slamming modern football as every self-respecting former footballer should do.

Our suspicion that Neville has skeletons hiding in a part of his house is not helped by the use of ‘my skeletons’ in this tweet. You’re giving the game away, fella.

 

You know what, Theo Paphitis and Deborah Meaden are going to kick themselves when they realise that this one has been leaked without a patent. Nev, I’ll give you £100,000 for 5% of your ‘arm bones as motorcycle handlebars’ business. Just take my bloody money, will you? We hadn’t even realised that braking could be easy AND fun.

 

True enough. There has to be a limit. One skeleton wearing a No. 10 shirt? Fine. Two? Are you an idiot?

 

Prove him wrong. Go on, prove him wrong. I double bloody dare you to try.

 

All this. All this as build-up to a satirical slam of the Tories, their Prime Minister and their austerity politics. Just make him the sodding Prime Minister already. “Ooooh, Nev-ille South-all.”


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