Manchester United want to sign Paul Pogba. Manchester United are a big club. Paul Pogba is a prominent footballer. Naturally, the demand for updates on this transfer saga is huge. People must be informed of the latest goings-on with regards to the move.
Where is Pogba right now? Is he on holiday? Is he dabbing? Is he hinting at a return to Old Trafford on social media?
Updates are expected to be posted at least once a day, which is obviously unrealistic. But what lengths will outlets go to in order to fulfill that quota? Let’s find out…
The MailOnline go big. Pogba is ‘counting down the days’ until his £100m move to Old Trafford, apparently. But what is the actual news here?
‘Paul Pogba poised to launch into action with Manchester United ahead of £100m world record move, proving he’s up for the fight in kickboxing class’
‘Man goes kickboxing’.
In fact, Thursday afternoon’s breaking news follows a similar update posted by the same website on Wednesday. ‘Paul Pogba takes in brutal kickboxing session as soon-to-be Manchester United midfielder aims to stay in shape for new Premier League season,’ was the headline to that piece.
So Thursday’s update is actually: ‘Man goes kickboxing. Again’
What is the Daily Mirror‘s take? ‘Rio Ferdinand reveals the Manchester United youth player who was better than Paul Pogba’ is a headline which remains prominent on their website and, to be fair, it does sound really rather interesting.
The Ferdinand quotes are taken from a video published by Copa90, and the former United defender names Ravel Morrison as the ‘youth player who was better than Paul Pogba’.
“Ravel Morrison, I’ve never seen a guy look so comfortable on a football pitch,” said Ferdinand. “I’d love to see him given a chance to come back and show everyone his talent because the kid was just different. Pogba, Januzaj, Lingard… they used to look up to this boy. People don’t realise how good he was. Those boys used to look up to him like, ‘wow, Ravel Morrison’.”
Good quotes, certainly. There is one slight problem, of course.
Copa90 interviewed Ferdinand on May 27. The quotes are over two months old.
Not content with that #content, the Mirror achieve the holy grail: ‘Twitter reactions to Paul Pogba leaving Man United in 2012 now look a little silly’
The Daily Express brings us a rather muddled story: ‘Man United complete £110m Paul Pogba transfer: Star poses for new snap with fan’. Club completes world-record transfer as player takes picture with fan? That sounds like two separate updates rolled into one.
James Dickenson tells us that ‘Paul Pogba is essentially a Manchester United player again four years after he left the club in acrimonious circurmstances to join Juventus’. That really is not news, James.
But what of the ‘new snap with fan’? Well, that’s literally it. It’s just Pogba posing for a picture with a bar manager at the place he was enjoying his Thursday evening. There is no black and white picture with red enhanced, no other hints, just Pogba posing for a picture.
Accompanying the story is one of the very worst of an already heavily-saturated field: Terrible Photoshops.
Have the Daily Express used a picture of Juan Mata for their Paul Pogba Photoshop? Is there anyone less suitable? pic.twitter.com/jERYm3og5D
— Football365 (@F365) August 5, 2016
Are they aware that there are actual, genuine pictures of Pogba wearing a United shirt before? You know, when he played for the club?
The Express have also published a gallery featuring 25 pictures, all of Pogba’s summer holidays. ‘Man enjoys holiday’ is not the title.
What better place to end than the Metro? And they have the biggest update of all.
‘Paul Pogba? Helicopter lands at Old Trafford to whip Manchester United fans into a frenzy’
Oh yes. A helicopter landed at Old Trafford on Thursday afternoon (the story remains prominent on their website as of Friday morning). Of course, medicals for new players are carried out at the club’s base in Carrington, Pogba is still on holiday in America, and there is likely to be a little more fanfare when the world’s most expensive footballer actually arrives.
But hey, a helicopter! That must be Paul Pogba!
There are just no updates sometimes, guys.