These numbers include league goals (from top ten European leagues) and Champions League/Europa League goals…
20) Monaco – 32 (Falcao 20, Balde 7, Lopes 5)
Oh how they miss Kylian Mbappe. And how much will a Premier League team spend on Thomas Lemar after a season which has so far reaped the grand total of two goals?
19) Celta Vigo – 32 (Aspas 15, Gomez 13, Wass 4)
Former Liverpool hero Iago Aspas has been outscored by only Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez in La Liga this season. What we didn’t realise: He’s bloody 30. Oh and the 21-year-old Gomez is not far behind.
🇺🇾⚽ URUGUAY-GOAL! ⚽🇺🇾
— LaLiga (@LaLigaEN) February 11, 2018
18) Napoli – 33 (Mertens 17, Insigne 8, Callejon 8)
They were third in last season’s list even without European football, which is making our brains hurt. What Napoli have successfully done this season is share out the goals, with Kalidou Koulibaly helping to keep them top of the Serie A table.
17) Manchester United – 33 (Lukaku 16, Martial 10, Rashford 7)
Up from 25th last season thanks to the purchase of Romelu Lukaku and the resurgence of Anthony Martial. Jesse Lingard has also scored seven goals this season, though he is yet to open his account in the Champions League.
16) Shakhtar Donetsk – 33 (Ferreyra 15, Marlos 10, Bernard 8)
Those with good memories may recall that Facundo Ferreyra spent a year on loan at Newcastle; he never got further than the bench. Next week he will play in the Champions League last 16.
20) Nice – 33 (Balotelli 19, Plea 10, Melou 4)
Nice have not won a single game this season which Mario Balotelli has not started and he is just two goals off his best ever league total of 15 strikes. Not bad for a free transfer.
14) Real Madrid – 34 (Ronaldo 22, Bale 7, Isco 5)
What a ludicrous fall from grace: they were second behind only Barcelona at the end of last season. It’s also worth noting that 11 of Ronaldo’s goals have come in the Champions League and that Karim Benzema has scored just four goals in total. It’s little wonder they covet Harry Kane.
Zidane a very loyal coach but Asensio, Bale and Isco about to do a lot of sharing of minutes with Benzema surely gone from starting line-up now. Last night, Zidane had to have seen the light.
— Robbie Dunne (@robbiejdunne) February 15, 2018
13) Bayern Munich – 34 (Lewandowski 22, Vidal 6, Muller 6)
It’s little wonder that Robert Lewandowski has taken to basically pleading for more help at Bayern. Failing that, he apparently wants to move to Real Madrid. You can’t blame him.
12) Besiktas – 34 (Talisca 13, Tosun 12, Babel 9)
And Cenk Tosun swapped a place in that attacking line-up (and a Champions League clash with Bayern Munich) for the chance to be dropped by Sam Allardyce for not working hard enough.
11) Benfica – 37 (Jonas 25, Salvio 7, Pizzi 5)
Jonas has failed to score in only three of Benfica’s 22 league games this season.
10) Juventus – 38 (Higuain 18, Dybala 14, Khedira 6)
The powers of Mario Mandzukic are waning but the top scorers of Serie A have two bona fide goalscorers in Paulo Dybala and Gonzalo Higuain, who has scored eight goals in Juve’s last five games.
Fair play to Higuain condensing his career into 45 minutes
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) February 13, 2018
9) Sporting CP – 36 (Dost 21, Fernandes 10, Martins 7)
That Bas Dost has got 69% of his shots on target in the Portuguese league this season. Surely a mid-table Premier League club beckons?
8) Lazio – 39 (Immobile 22, Milinkovic-Savic 9, Luis Alberto 8)
Up from 21st last season thanks to Europa League football and the emergence of Manchester United target Sergej Milinkovic-Savic as a goal threat. Wrap Ciro Immobile in cotton wool folks; his back-up is Felipe Caicedo.
7) Porto – 42 (Aboubaker 20, Marega 16, Brahimi 6)
They really should have caused Liverpool more problems; perhaps they would have done with a fit Vincent Aboubaker.
6) Lyon – 46 (Fakir 19, Diaz 15, Depay 12)
A reminder: Real Madrid allowed Marino Diaz to leave for peanuts. His captain Nabil Fekir will definitely not be leaving Lyon for the same price this summer; expect him to cost £60m and for Liverpool to be interested.
5) Barcelona – 47 (Messi 23, Suarez 16, Paulinho 8)
Yes, Paulinho. And no other Barcelona player has scored more than three goals. Which is mental. Note: They topped this list last season thanks to MSN.
4) Tottenham – 50 (Kane 30, Son 11, Eriksen 9)
He’s quite good, that Harry Kane. Not the best in the Premier League but pretty good nevertheless. At this juncture we would like to remind you that this trio cost £33m.
Harry Kane is the first player in history to score nine goals in his first nine Champions League games.
— Football on BT Sport (@btsportfootball) February 13, 2018
3) Manchester City – 54 (Aguero 25, Sterling 19, Jesus 10)
English football’s top scorers by some margin, largely because this triptych is ably supported by Kevin De Bruyne (8), Leroy Sane (7) and David Silva (5). They were 24th on this list last season; it’s almost like Pep Guardiola improves players.
2) Liverpool – 59 (Salah 28, Firmino 19, Mane 12)
And yet Liverpool have scored 18 fewer goals than City in the Premier League. That’s what happens when the departed Philippe Coutinho is the only other player to score more than four goals. But you can file that under First World Problems when you have the explosive Salah and the wonderful Firmino. John Barnes still thinks they need a striker though.
UEFA Champions League top scorers this season. ⚽
Cristiano Ronaldo – 11
Roberto Firmino – 7
Harry Kane – 7
Mohamed Salah – 6
Sadio Mané – 6
Liverpool's front three are on fire! 🔥 pic.twitter.com/r7AswBQHD0
— Liverpool FC News (@LivEchoLFC) February 15, 2018
1) PSG – 65 (Cavani 27, Neymar 25, Mbappe 13)
All those bloody goals for an electric trio but none against Real Madrid.
Planet Sport quiz: Test your knowledge on Rafa Nadal’s career. (Tennis365)