The Page That Is Triple Busy

Date published: Thursday 1st January 1970 12:00

The Page That Is Triple Busy

Today’s Mediawatch is brought to you by the subbing department at the Daily Telegraph. Kyle Bartley’s aged…

In The Know

‘Manchester United ready to push through Nicolas Otamendi transfer’ – Metro, June 11.

‘Nicolas Otamendi desperate to complete transfer from Valencia to Manchester United’ – Metro, June 12

‘Manchester United reach verbal agreement with agent over Nicolas Otamendi transfer’ – Metro, June 14.

‘Manchester United close to sealing Nicolas Otamendi transfer’ – Metro, July 8.

‘Manchester United clear to grab Nicolas Otamendi transfer as he refuses to return to Valencia’ – Metro, July 14.

‘Nicolas Otamendi’s agent flies out to seal Manchester United transfer’ – Metro, July 14.

‘Nicolas Otamendi wants Manchester United transfer after being convinced by Louis van Gaal’ – Metro, July 18.

‘Nicolas Otamendi hours away from Manchester United transfer’ – Metro, July 26.

‘Manchester United desperate to seal Nicolas Otamendi transfer’ – Metro, August 10.

‘Manchester United cleared to seal Nicolas Otamendi transfer as he refuses to train for Valencia’ – Metro, August 15

If we were the Metro, we’d be starting to doubt the accuracy of some of our sources.

Devils Wears Pravda
‘A Ramires goal incorrectly ruled out for offside with Man City a goal ahead changed the complexion of this early-season Premier League fixture.’

Upon clicking into the match report of the Manchester City dismantling from Chelsea’s official website on Monday morning, Mediawatch knew it was in for a treat. Allow us to present to you some of our favourite bits…

– ‘Within 25 seconds of his first Chelsea start Begovic was called upon to make a telling contribution, denying Aguero who had raced clear on goal courtesy of a fine David Silva pass. It set the tone for an assured performance by the Bosnian’.

No mention of it ‘setting the tone’ for the performance of Aguero, who made more shots on target (four) than the whole Chelsea team combined (three).

– ‘It had been an even first quarter-of-an-hour’.

One in which City had four attempts on goal to Chelsea’s zero.

– ‘On the other side of the pitch, Mangala resorted to WWE-style tactics to stop the ever-dangerous Diego Costa getting free down the right’.

Match statistics for the ‘ever-dangerous’ Diego Costa: 1 shot (off target), 1 chance created, 1 offside.

– On Vincent Kompany’s headed goal, the reports bemoans ‘the inside of the post again benefiting the home side’.

Even the bloody posts are against them, moving this way and that.

– ‘Two late City goals, from Vincent Kompany and Fernandinho, added some gloss to a final scoreline which did not accurately reflect the bigger picture.’

You lost 3-0 and had 10 shots (three on target) to City’s 18 (10 on target).

The only thing missing is the byline for a ‘Mr. Jose Mourinho’.

Service Industry
Writes Tony Cascarino in his ‘Tony Awards’ in the Daily Mail on Monday morning: ‘Louis van Gaal has set Wayne Rooney a target of 20 league goals this season, but it is baffling how he is supposed to get them given the style that Manchester United are playing’.

Ignore the fact that Rooney has had two shots so far this season (neither on target).

Ignore too that he has recorded the second-lowest pass completion percentage of United players to have played both games so far (80.35%, beating only Ashley Young).

Ignore too that he looked terrible, uninterested and off the pace as the central striker against Aston Villa, and only marginally better than that against Spurs.

It’s United’s ‘style’ that is the sole problem.

Nailed It #1

‘That’s why we’re champions – Zouma tells City: You’ll find out what Chelsea are made of’ – The Sun, August 14.

Well that went well.

Nailed It #2

‘Damien Delaney insists he’s more interested in keeping Arsenal off the scoresheet today than getting himself on it again’ – Sunday Mirror, August 16.

Well that went worse…

Your Key To Sports

Mediawatch is not just a fan of Richard Keys’ blog, we’re both obsessed and scared by it in equal measures.

It’s difficult to know what is the blog’s best aspect. Is it the bitterness towards his former employees? His continued insistence that he is the wronged party? The name-dropping? No, it’s the modesty. Monday’s is a wonderful example.

– ‘I’m a very lucky boy’

– ‘I’ve had a wonderful life’

– ‘What a wonderful job this is’

– ‘I watch the best football in the world. I live in a glorious climate. I play golf when I want. I’m employed by a giant of an organisation and, here’s the best bit, I don’t spend half my life sitting in traffic jams on motorways’

– ‘I’ve been a lucky boy’

So tell us Keysey, how is it going over there?

Slight Difference Of Opinion

‘Wayne Rooney is on his way to being burnt out and the Manchester United captain looks as ineffectual as he has ever been’ – Daily Mail.

‘Loose passing, wasteful finishing and a particularly bad night for Wayne Rooney kept the hosts in the game’ – Guardian.

‘Rooney didn’t even have a single shot in 90 minutes against Villa, and you wouldn’t have noticed he was on the pitch if not for his poor passing or first touch’ – ESPN.

Those three seem slightly at odds with The Sun‘s man at Villa Park, who awarded Rooney with his ‘Star Man’ tag. Presumably he had him in his fantasy team?

Modern Popular Culture Reference Of The Day

‘The only people missing were Leslie Phillips and Kenneth Williams.

‘But even without them we had a right old Carry On at the Etihad. Ding dong, Nurse Bell’ – Steven Howard, The Sun.

As long as it keeps Chief Grumpypants smiling, Mediawatch is happy.

Worst Headline Of The Day
‘Said & Done’ – Sunday Mirror. That’s not how you pronounce ‘Saido’, and you know it.

Non-Football Story Of The Day

‘A couple in Sydney, Australia awoke to find a naked Irishman in their bed this morning.

‘At around 1.45am, a woman awoke in her Sackville Street home to find the unknown man in bed with her and her partner.
The woman got out of bed and awoke her partner who challenged the man.

‘In a statement police reported that, after getting out of bed the intruder, who was naked, picked up his clothes and walked to the rear of the premises.

”The woman contacted police while her partner tried to shut the intruder in the rear yard of the home,’ the statement read. ‘The man climbed in through a kitchen window and wandered around the home until the arrival of police who arrested him” –

Thanks to Chris McHugh. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at, putting ‘Mediawatch’ in the subject field.

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