1. Huddersfield (15 of 19 goals, 78.9%)
The inclusion of Aaron Mooy (4) and Elias Kachunga (1) – whose loan deals were made permanent in the summer – as new signings does skew the results slightly. But Huddersfield purchased 13 players in the summer and two this month, and they have plundered almost four-fifths of their overall Premier League goals. The only players to have scored who were not signed last summer are Joe Lolley (1) and Rajiv van La Parra (1).
2. Everton (13 of 26 goals, 50%)
For a club whose summer business was justifiably derided, Everton signed exactly half of their goal output in the summer. Romelu Lukaku was sold, but only provided 40.3% of the club’s league goals last season, so they’re clearly doing loads better. Free signing Wayne Rooney (10) comprises the bulk of their efforts, which makes spending £150.6m all those months ago seem a little unnecessary. And considering Gylfi Sigurdsson (3) is the only other new face to contribute in terms of goals, much will be expected of Cenk Tosun and Theo Walcott.
3. Swansea (7 of 15 goals, 46.7%)
Of Swansea’s 45 Premier League goals in 2016/17, only 12 were not scored or assisted by Gylfi Sigurdsson or Fernando Llorente. That reliance on only a select few players has been removed, and they are unsurprisingly the Premier League’s lowest scorers as a result. Almost half of their goals have been contributed by Tammy Abraham (4), Wilfried Bony (2) and Sam Clucas (1). Still, at least Sigurdsson and Llorente are impressing as big fish in considerably bigger ponds.
4. Watford (14 of 33 goals, 42.4%)
Where might Watford be without Abdoulaye Doucoure? Marco Silva unearthed treasure in the midfielder before his eventual demise this season, and the Frenchman is their top goalscorer. It seemed inevitable that Richarlison (5) would adopt that mantle at some point, but his form has tailed off markedly since being linked with the Premier League’s elite. Andre Gray (4) and Will Hughes (2) have chipped in with a few goals, thankfully, as have a couple of others.
5. Liverpool (21 of 54 goals, 38.9%)
Rather predictably, the Premier League team whose new signings have scored the most goals this season is Liverpool. And of the 21 goals scored by their summer or winter arrivals, Mohamed Salah has bagged 18. Thank the lord for the Ox (3).
6. West Ham (11 of 30 goals, 36.7%)
All credit to West Ham, for their two top goalscorers are their two most expensive summer signings. Although having said that, Marko Arnautovic (6) and Javier Hernandez (5) are enjoying and enduring rather different experiences in East London.
7. Newcastle (8 of 22 goals, 36.3%)
The lesson here is that Newcastle would be absolutely f***ing nothing without Joselu (4). Christian Atsu (2), Jacob Murphy (1) and Mikel Merino (1) have helped out as much as they possibly could but boy, does Rafael Benitez need any and every winter signing to hit the goalscoring ground running.
8. Chelsea (16 of 45 goals, 35.6%)
As funny as it is that Alvaro Morata might actually be a bit sh*t, he does have ten Premier League goals this season. His supporting cast includes Antonio Rudiger (2) and Tiemoue Bakayoko (2). Willy Caballero is yet to get off the mark. Give him time.
9. Brighton (6 of 17 goals, 35.3%)
There is a reason Chris Hughton is trying to sign Aleksandar Mitrovic this month, even after breaking Brighton’s club record to bring in Jurgen Locadia. Brighton signed ten players in the summer and they have contributed a measly six goals. There has been a Pascal Gross (4) profit, but little else.
10. West Brom (6 of 19 goals, 31.6%)
Even Gareth Barry (1) is scoring goals for West Brom, whose fans are presumably planning some sort of pitch invasion for Kieran Gibbs’ first strike.
11. Stoke (7 of 25 goals, 28%)
Manchester United conceded just two goals in their first eight Premier League matches this season; Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting scored them both. He is the final present Mark Hughes left Paul Lambert before strolling into the Staffordshire sunset, P45 and a sickening sense of entitlement poking out of his angry suit.
12. Burnley (5 of 19 goals, 26.3%)
As Chelsea continue to sniff around Ashley Barnes, Chris Wood (4) is busy doing the majority of Burnley’s goals. He is the top scorer, and Jack Cork (1) is criminally not far behind.
13. Manchester United (11 of 49 goals, 22.4%)
This might change soon, as long as Alexis Sanchez resists the temptation to bring his cat-dogs to training.
15. Bournemouth (4 of 25 goals, 16%)
Eddie Howe’s strength has never been in the transfer market, and so it stands to reason that Jermain Defoe (3) and Nathan Ake (1) comprise Bournemouth’s total goals from new signings this season.
16. Crystal Palace (2 of 22 goals, 9.1%)
Roy Hodgson has had just over three weeks to spend any sort of money at Crystal Palace, and is yet to bring in the striker he so craves. Erdal Rakip and Jaroslaw Jach – a midfielder and a defender – have arrived, but a new centre-forward is not forthcoming. Frank de Boer made only four signings in the summer, and Ruben Loftus-Cheek (1) and Mamadou Sakho (1) have never been famed for their goalscoring prowess.
17. Leicester (3 of 36 goals, 8.3%)
Leicester signed a goalkeeper, two centre-halves, a central midfielder and a striker in the summer; another central midfielder and a second forward have arrived this month. But their only goals from new signings have come from Harry Maguire (2) and Vicente Iborra (1). What on earth has happened to Kelechi Iheanacho (0)?
18. Manchester City (3 of 70 goals, 4.3%)
Manchester City spent £221.6m last summer, and the result has been three Premier League goals. Almost each of their signings were made in defence of course, yet Bernardo Silva (2) would have perhaps expected more opportunities. It is easy to forget they signed the attacking midfielder for £43m.
19. Tottenham (2 of 47 goals, 4.3%)
Remember how Tottenham needed to reduce the goal burden placed squarely on Harry Kane’s shoulders over the past few seasons? Mauricio Pochettino gave it his best shot in the summer, signing an actual striker. Fernando Llorente (1) has gone as far as Serge Aurier (1) in terms of supporting Kane, mind you.
20. Southampton (0 of 24 goals, 0%)
Nothing. Nada. Nowt. Southampton took a stand in the summer and refused to be held to ransom over their own players. They kept Virgil van Dijk, and their only sale for a fee was of Jay Rodriguez. That he has scored four goals for West Brom this season, while Southampton’s combined signings have not scored once, should be a point of considerable embarrassment for the club’s owners. It turns out that not signing a striker and relying on a pool of Charlie Austin, Shane Long and Manolo Gabbiadini does not a successful season make.