Who thought Rashford ‘dazzled’ in ‘vibrant, open’ derby?

Matt Stead

I’m sorry, Mr Jackson
To provide in-depth and accurate analysis on a game of football while simultaneously watching it is no simple task.

To provide in-depth and accurate analysis on a pretty bad game of football while simultaneously watching it is no simple task.

To have watched Manchester City’s goalless draw with Manchester United on Thursday and concluded that Marcus Rashford ‘dazzled again’ is, quite frankly, hilarious.

All the credit must go to Jamie Jackson of The Guardian, who brings us five talking points from the Etihad Stadium. No. 3 pertains to Rashford’s ‘standout display’.

‘Inside two minutes Rashford broke the contest open with a sprint along the right. Later an audacious back-heel around-the-corner made a mug of Nicolás Otamendi, the unfortunate City defender who often found himself tasked with dealing with the lively 19-year-old. Rashford scored the winner here in March last year and this was another standout display from a player brimming with potential.’

That will be the same Marcus Rashford whose 28 touches was the fewest of any outfield starter for either side, who did not have a single shot, who completed one dribble, who was dispossessed more times than any other player (4), and who ended the game having completed eight passes at an accuracy of 62.5%.

This is by no means a criticism of Rashford’s performance, for there were worse on show at the Etihad Stadium. But ‘another standout display’?

 

Oh, I am for real
Mediawatch can only conclude that Jackson stayed for the first ten minutes before packing his bags, declaring a job well done and missing the next 80. For his fifth talking point is that the ‘Latest instalment proves the derby still delivers’.

You see, this was ‘an open affair’ in which City ‘did not hog the ball as predicted’, and that ‘the vibrant nature of the game’ made for ‘refreshing viewing’.

A reminder that City ‘did not hog the ball’, yet ended the game with 69.2% possession. And this ‘open’, ‘vibrant’ and ‘refreshing’ game saw United not only have their lowest percentage of possession in a single game since that data was first collected in the 2003/04, but they also had just one shot on target.

We almost hope that Jackson wasn’t watching, rather than watching and being impressed by that match.

 

Box clever
‘This was like two well-matched fighters going toe-to-toe landing jabs and haymakers and having to soak up the same in return’ – Jamie Jackson, The Guardian.

‘If this had been a boxing match it would have been stopped at half-time’ – Jeremy Cross, Daily Star.

 

 

Go fourth and multiply
The Sun use the phrase ‘race for fourth’ a total of four times in their newspaper edition on Friday, with regards to the Manchester derby.

No-one tell them that both teams go above Liverpool and into third and fourth if they win their games in hand.

 

Castles and crooks
Elsewhere in the world of lukewarm takes, chief Jose Mourinho lickspittle Duncan Castles had a busy night on Twitter.

Marouane Fellaini literally fouled Sergio Aguero twice within a minute, receiving a yellow card for the first and committing what likely would have been a second bookable offence for the second, before headbutting him.

Silly MarouaneMartin Atkinson.

 

Mirror, Mirror

Marouane Fellaini was sent off at around 9.40pm last night. To sell his mansion for £2.3million ten hours later is a bit of an overreaction. And how about those estate agents working tirelessly overnight? Heroes.

 

We miss learning lessons
Of the Daily Mail‘s ’11 things you missed from the Manchester derby’, one is that Wayne Rooney was on the bench for United.

 

Dig of the day
‘If Guardiola had any, he would have been pulling his hair out’ – Jeremy Cross, Daily Star.

 

The Dunn thing
Moving away from the open, vibrant, refreshing Manchester derby, Andy Dunn is ‘Britain’s best Sports Writer’ and has kindly bestowed upon us a column in the Daily Mirror.

‘If you want to find life outside the Premier League, you can look even further afield than the big clubs getting big crowds in the Football League,’ he writes.

‘Last Saturday, Danny Cowley’s Lincoln City were watched by more than 10,000 as they clinched promotion from the National League and even further down the pyramid, seven clubs in the National League North and National League South enjoyed four-figure attendances.

‘The game between Maidenhead United and Ebbsfleet United attracted 3,377 paying spectators. That is more than most Serie B matches get.’

All but five of the 22 clubs in Serie B have higher average home attendances than 3,377. And yes, even Mediawatch is ashamed at being such a pernickety d*ck.

 

Magic
Paul Merson is here with his predictions for Sky Sports, and he has some opinions to offer on Sunderland and David Moyes.

Sunderland face Bournemouth on Saturday, but Merson rightfully declares that the Black Cats “are down” already. “It might not be mathematically confirmed just yet but they are gone,” he says.

Agreed. But Merse is not finished.

“That doesn’t mean I agree David Moyes has to go,” he adds. “It’s a case of be careful what you wish for. He’s a good manager and he’s been dealt a hand without proper investment.”

Moyes has spent £13.6million on Didier N’dong, £8m on Papy Djilobodji, a combined £7.5m on Darron Gibson and Bryan Oviedo, and a combined £5.5m on Paddy McNair and Donald Love this season. Stoke, West Brom, Bournemouth and Hull all spent less, and yet Sunderland are six points adrift at the bottom, and 12 points from safety.

Be careful what you wish for, Sunderland fans. You could be 13 points from safety.

 

Worst headline of the day
‘BERNA-GEA’ – The Sun. It’s about Real Madrid wanting to sign David De Gea. We think.

 

Recommended reading of the day
Jonathan Wilson on Arsene Wenger’s three at the back.

Iain Macintosh on Joey Barton.

Sid Lowe on Leganes.