Spanish Thing

The bipolar nature of Spanish society is reflected in the country's politics - there are just two main parties. One is right wing, the other is left. One group are evil fascists and the others are stinking Commies. This is how they portray each other to the electorate, anyway.

There is almost nothing inbetween to cater for Spain's substantial number of namby-pamby, book-reading types who don't happen to have rigid, inflexible viewpoints.

Both sides tend to share the George Bush mindset where all issues are black and white, right or wrong, Windsor Davies or Donald Sinden. All too often, compromise and consensus are outlawed.

Another area where this down-the-middle mindset is all-too-frequently found is in the county's football. And never more so than when Real Madrid and Barcelona are involved.

These are two teams that split the country down economic, nationalistic and political lines and the events of the past week have seen a big old meat cleaver being taken to this divide.

The imminent arrival of Cristiano Ronaldo at Real Madrid as the latest part of the club's Galactic reboot is arguably a win-win situation for the Spanish game, but not necessarily a wise financial move for Madrid.

The eventual signing of the Portuguese Paris-porker means La Liga will finally have some joy in wrenching some of the world's attention and much-needed marketing dollars away from the English game - a process that began with Barcelona's Champions League success.

From the end of August, two giant teams with completely opposing philosophies will be slugging it over the season like Transformers with a global spotlight trained on them.

In the space of just a few weeks, both clubs have combined to give the game in Spain the biggest of boosts. But this is not how Florentino Pérez' week of splashing the cash is being viewed by much of the country's media. Instead, Cristiano's arrival in the Spanish capital is being portrayed in two simplistic ways.

For the Madridistas, the return to the Galactico era is a 'hey Barça, mine is bigger than yours!' schlong contest. There is absolutely no discussion over whether borrowing and spending up to 200 million euros in such an iffy economic climate is a wise idea.

Perhaps the only voice in the wilderness has been that of a Real Madrid player with Christoph Metzelder commenting that "it doesn't seem right to spend more than 96 million euros on someone who could get injured or have bad form".

But the German centre-back is very much on his own in his opinions and rightly so. After all, football is showbiz, and what can possibly go wrong with the new Galactico scheme?

'The last plan did not fail economically,' opines a recent editorial in AS. 'It failed due to sporting reasons, indiscipline, vanity and bad behaviour.' Four issues that could never arise again, of course.

In Barcelona the past week's events has sent both the club and, by extension, the local press apoplectic in Daily Mail-style faux outrage. The arrival of Cristiano Ronaldo will be a blight not a benefit for La Liga say those on the east coast.

Leading the anti-brat pack is culé president Joan Laporta. Like all club heads in la Liga, the Catalan club's big cheese is an ego-on-legs with a mouth that doesn't quite connect with his brain.

Barça's big boss could have spun Real Madrid's recent moves in the transfer market with a calm "we welcome the challenge, this is great for the game" response. Instead, he has gone completely ape. Big time.

But this is not that surprising from a gentlemen who once removed his trousers in a temper tantrum at an airport security check and storms from presidential balconies in big old strops when referees refuse to reward Dani Alves' dives.

At any given opportunity over the past few days, Laporta has accused Real Madrid of distorting the transfer market, stealing, cheating and leading the world into hell in a handcart.

"Our model is based on hard work. Real Madrid's is imperialistic with an air of superiority and based on laziness," complained Laporta on Saturday. "Florentino Pérez makes signings based on preferential treatment and is only showing off his arrogance," he fumed a day later.

The local press has dutifully followed a similar theme. Saturday's edition of Sport launched what will be an entertaining smear campaign on Cristiano Ronaldo by publishing photos of the Paris Hilton love-fest on its front page.

'This is your new superstar, Madrid,' sneered the paper showing the truly shocking images of a good-looking single man enjoying himself on holiday with a fairly attractive, available girl.

The Catalan papers have been unable to attack Ronaldo on a footballing front, so have begun an assault on both the price-tag and character of the footballer and compared him with the churchgoing, god-fearing players in their treble-winning squad.

'In next season's La Liga, we'll see the good superstars against the evil superstars. The duel will be about much more than football,' writes Joan Battle in Monday's Sport.

The signing of Cristiano Ronaldo has brought out the worst in both of the Spanish giants. Madrid's intensely unpleasant arrogance has returned and their getting-thinner-by-the-day claim to be the biggest, bestest club in the world has now been given a new lease of life.

Barcelona's tiresome 'more than a club', love their Mums, home-grown, prissy football, morally superior, 'look! no shirt sponsors' smugness will be even more overbearing in the campaign to come.

And it has highlighted the childlike simplicity of Spain's sporting press where honest debate and deliberation is outlawed.

In Madrid, the papers declare the signing of Cristiano Ronaldo to be a brilliant thing and definitely not a potentially ruinous gamble. Over in Barcelona, the news is that Madrid have signed the baby-eating spawn of Satan who will make a laughing stock of La Liga. As usual, there is no room for any opinions that may fall between.

Tim Stannard