What's That Now?
Oh christ, Ramon Calderon is at it again.
"We can't talk about footballers who aren't ours" said Ramon.
"We don't have anything to say about that issue. We are only spectators, a passive observer in this whole story."
Yeah. Perhaps Ramon should pass on the message that passive spectators Real 'can't talk about footballers who aren't ours' to his underlings:
"Real Madrid need good players and Cristiano Ronaldo is the best player you can bring in right now. We would be delighted to have him. He wouldn't upset the good atmosphere, and anyway people tell me he's a great person and a good team player. Everyone works to earn as much as they can get and if he's one of the best players in the world he should earn more" - Real mouthpiece/player Guti, July 23.
"Any club would like to have Ronaldo. He's one of the best, one of the most tricky players in the world of football. I think the good atmosphere would continue regardless of who comes in or what they earn. That unity can't be broken" - Real mouthpiece/player Raul, July 22.
The Real Story - Part One
The Gareth Barry saga rumbles on, assorted types are still having their say on Cristiano Ronaldo's future, Tottenham are selling their entire squad, there seems to be some dastardly transfer chain, the pre-season friendlies are well under way, the new season starts in a couple of weeks, another Sepp Blatter foot-in-mouth moment is surely just around the corner, F365 has a shiny new office and Mediawatch needs some new shoes.
All of these things are more interesting and relevant to the sporting agenda of the nation than the back page lead in The Sun this morning.
Ignoring all the actual 'news' around, the Currant Bun instead goes big with quotes from one Kate Jopling.
'Who she?' you cry. Is she a new WAG? Is she the new Karen Brady, breaking down barriers in the boardroom and getting more women involved in our all-too masculine game?
Nope. Ms Jopling is in fact a spokesperson for 'Help The Aged', and seems to be terribly irked about Alex Ferguson's suggestion that the Chelsea sqaud were cracking on a bit.
Kate blustered: "In 2008, age is no longer an acceptable yardstick to measure a person's worth or potential. There's a lot to be said for experience.
"But all too often when it comes to age, this is overlooked.
"People should never be written off because of their age. Ageist attitudes and comments such as this should always be handed a red card."
We'll say again. This is the back page lead.
Congratulations chums - you've officially created the worst story of all time.
The Real Story - Part Two
You may have noticed that some Aston Villa fans were none too pleased about Gareth Barry's appearance in their friendly against Walsall the other night.
However, the Official Aston Villa Website had the real story yesterday:
'Shaun Maloney staked his claim for Intertoto Cup action at the weekend with a second-half double against the Saddlers. And Wayne Routledge did his chances no harm with a spectacular winner four minutes from time as Villa twice came from behind at the Bescot.
'The duo overshadowed Gareth Barry's return to action as Villa won this entertaining encounter.'
Yes, we remember publications as obscure as The Daily Mirror, the BBC Sport website, the Birmingham Post, The Guardian, Sky Sports, The Daily Mail, The Sun, The Metro and F365 definitely went big with the news that Shaun Maloney might have a better chance of playing the Intertoto Cup rather than the haranguing of Barry. Definitely.
Reasons
Apparently it was a pretty muggy evening in China yesterday, and Mediawatch suspects the heavy atmosphere may have done funny things to Sun scribe Mark Irwin.
From his report of Chelsea's friendly against the giants of Guangzhou Pharmaceutical:
'Frank Lampard gave Phil Scolari one more compelling reason why Chelsea should go the extra seven million quid to keep him.
'If Scolari had any doubts about the value of fighting for the unsettled England star they were dismissed within 51 minutes of his first game as manager.'
Quite right Mark. We're sure that it was this goal against the side that finished 8th (out of 16) in the Chinese Super League that will make Big Phil think 'That fat lad is quite good', rather than the 61 England caps, two Premier League titles, the FWA Player of the Year award, the 150 career goals from midfield and the three consecutive seasons breaking the 20-goal mark.
Getting Off To A Scorcher
And whoever was in charge of The Daily Express's coverage may have been troubled by the climate as well.
Understandably they include a picture of debutante Jose Bosingwa in their coverage, carefully captioned with 'TOP START: Bosingwa scored on debut'.
Hmmm. That doesn't quite tally with another report of the game we saw this morning, which read: 'Chelsea dominated, and Michael Essien drilled an effort a fraction over the bar, before the one blot on the evening for Scolari as new signing, £16.2million full-back Jose Bosingwa limped off with a thigh injury after only 19 minutes.'
And where did we read that report? That's right! In The Daily Express.
Number One Is Dirk Kuyt, Number Two Is...
From a website not a million miles from here:
'Dirk Kuyt thinks Liverpool team-mate Dirk Kuyt can be "even better" next season.'
Errr, yeah. Typo. Sorry.
Although perhaps a second Kuyt might be useful to retrieve the ball after his first touch.
Standards
"It's great to play against quality opposition" - David Beckham looks forward to his upcoming friendly against 'great team' West Ham.
See, this is what playing in the MLS does to your quality control.
'Taking Loyalty To The Extreme' Quote Of The Day
"I would much rather have Dean Windass in my team that Cristiano Ronaldo....He has the upper half of a hod carrier and the bottom half of a ballerina" - Hull chairman Paul Duffen tells The Sun who he'd rather have in his team. That last bit is about Windass. We think.
Misleading Headline Of The Day
'Refs: Let Us Spray' - The Daily Mirror. Turns out they were talking about magic paint spray. Which is a relief really.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Talk Like An Egyptian' - The Official Wigan Website. Shoddy.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A French couple were given a four-month suspended prison sentence and made to pay one euro in damages to the Canadian state for making a porn video at a World War One memorial, officials said on Wednesday. The verdict came just six months after another couple were fined for taking nude photographs of themselves at the same memorial at Vimy in northern France, which pays tribute to the 60 000 Canadians who died in the Great War. In the latest ruling on Tuesday by a court in the town of Arras, the married couple in their thirties, who put the video on a paying website, were also fined €500 each after they were found guilty of exhibitionism. The symbolic one euro in damages was ordered because the Canadian state was a civil plaintiff in the case. "The memorial has been known for a long time as a place where exhibitionism and voyeurism is common," prosecutor Elise Bozzolo said' - AFP
'Crime Can Be Funny' Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Conservative leader David Cameron has had his bicycle stolen after leaving it outside a supermarket near his home in west London. He was at a Tesco branch on Wednesday night when the bike - which he has called "an old friend" - disappeared. "Someone must have picked it up and walked off with it," he said. "If anyone has seen this bicycle, I would like it back," he added. "I've reported it online... but I'm not holding my breath" - The BBC Website.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Wayne Peters, Paul Schweiger, James Pearson and the departing Andrew Hussein Carswell. If you see something that belongs on this page, mail theeditor@football365.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject line.
