Mediawatch

Misguided Bragging
Well nobody saw that one coming, eh?

Perhaps Sir was persuaded that signing Mickey Owen was a good idea by the lovely glossy brochure that his agents sent round the other week.

Particularly convincing was the page debunking the myth of the perma-crocked Mickey.

Medical bod John Green, BSc(Hons), MCSP, HPC, RAC, IOU, RSVP, YMCA, wrote: 'The following are my thoughts on Michael Owen's so called "injury prone" status - a statement I consider to be a nonsense!

'His medical issues have more to do with questionably advice, rather than him being an individual susceptibility to injury!'

Green then provides three pages of reassuring words, dismissing each ailment as the fault of someone else, and concluding that Mickey is fit as a fiddle, and will absolutely not fall over and snap the next time a strong gust of wind whips through Cheshire.

All sounds good. However, if Mediawatch was Mr Green, we perhaps wouldn't have bragged quite so loudly about the other patients he has treated and presumably declared ready for action.

His previous charges include Damien Duff (ah), Dean Ashton (hang on...), Craig Bellamy (oh dear) and - you'll like this - Kieron Dyer.


Read All About It
Hats off to The Sun and Shaun Custis for having the bollocks to claim the Owen story as an EXCLUSIVE!, despite it being on the back page of every single other newspaper, the top story on The BBC Website this morning and the top story on a website not a million miles from here from about 4pm yesterday.

But hang on - let's be fair about this. Maybe what they're claiming as an EXCLUSIVE! is the news that Owen has 'agreed terms to join Manchester United', and that a 'source close to' Owen told them it was so.

Leaving aside the fact that he have to be bats**t mental to turn United down, here's what a few other papers had to say on the matter.

From The Daily Star: 'United refused to confirm the shock nemove last night but a source close to Owen said: "It looks like Michael will sign for United in the next couple of days."

From The Daily Mirror: 'A source close to Owen's camp last night said: "The deal is on. It could be done in the next couple of days."

From The Daily Mail: 'Michael Owen was on the brink of a sensational move to Manchester United last night after accepting a pay-as-you-play one-year deal.'


Slight Difference Of Opinion
'The out-of-contract striker will take a 50 per cent pay cut for a shock last chance to rescue his injury-plagued career. United boss Alex Ferguson contacted Owen, 29, on Tuesday and offered him £50,000 a week to join the champions - plus huge bonuses depending on appearances and goals' - The Sun.

'It is believed Owen could be offered as little as £20,000 a week as a basic salary but with massive performance-related bonuses which could take him close to the £110,000 a week he was on at Newcastle United' - The Daily Mail.


Independent Thinking
As reported this Friday morning by The Independent:

'The prospect of Owen moving to Old Trafford was floated by The Independent yesterday, after United's pursuit of Benzema came to nothing.'

'Floated' is one way of putting it. What isn't mentioned is that the 'floatage' ended with the conclusion: 'A possibility, perhaps, but the good money now has to be on Ferguson not seeking further front line reinforcements'.


Changing Times
'Manchester United close to Karim Benzema deal' - Headline on the backpage of The Times, July 1.

'Some well-placed sources have claimed that Ferguson may not even sign a striker this summer and will instead look to Wayne Rooney and Dimitar Berbatov to spearhead United's attack next season. Injuries to either player, however, would leave his front line severely depleted' - Extract from The Times, July 2, after Benzema joins Real Madrid.

'Owen edges closer to shock United deal' - Headline on the backpage of The Times, July 3.


Strange
Writes Tony Cascarino in his latest me-me-me column in The Times:

'He will probably have a one-in-two ratio of goals to openings, and I wouldn't be surprised if he gets 15 goals. But I would be surprised if he plays more than 25 games.'

Really? It's an odd claim given that Owen has played more than thirty games in both of the last two seasons and would have of course played even more had Newcastle been in Europe or had a prolonged cup run.

Even odder is that an expectation of 15 goals in 25 games sounds like a ringing endorsement. Except that Cazza's latest piece is 'Owen is one of Ferguson's strangest signings'

Surely the real story is how to explain Tony Cascarino as one of The Times' strangest ever signings.


Mickey On The Brain
Headline from The Daily Mirror: 'Stoke Slam The Door On Owen'.

Intro from subsequent article: 'Obafemi Martins has been snubbed by Stoke City after chairman Peter Coates claimed they do not want the Newcastle striker.'


On The Same Page
From F365 news story on Owen: 'However, because of his appalling injury record, Owen's capture even on a free transfer will still amount to something of a gamble.'

From F365 feature on Owen: 'Furthermore, Owen has not only proved himself to the club's manager but also made his transfer a risk-free venture for the board to approve.'


Rumour Of The Day
'Joe Cole bought a beautiful bespoke suit for his wedding. Unfortunately for Joe someone involved in stitching up his suit rather likes West Ham, the club Cole ditched to join Chelsea. He still had a bit of a grudge about Cole leaving the Hammers. So it's possible, if Joe was to look at the lining the jacket, that there might be a full West Ham insignia chalked on it, complete with a few choice words, several of which were "Judas" - Popbitch.

Slapping Match Of The Day
There's no football around, so have a look at some fighting instead.

Non-Football Headline Of The Year
'Wrestling Midgets 'Killed By Fake Prostiutes'' - Sky News.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Staff at a design and marketing company in Newcastle spent a day working together naked after being told it would improve their morale. David Taylor, a business psychologist, told workers at design and marketing onebestway, in Newcastle upon Tyne, that a Naked Friday idea would boost their team spirit. He was called in to help the firm after six staff members were forced into taking redundancies at the start of the credit crunch.

'Mr Taylor told them that, by stripping off their clothes, staff could also strip away inhibitions and talk to each other more openly and honestly. He said: "Inviting an organisation to go naked is the most extreme technique I've used. It may seem weird but it works. It's the ultimate expression of trust in yourself and each other." Despite some initial reluctance, nearly all the staff took off all their clothes - except for one man, who wore a posing pouch, and one of two female workers, who kept on black underwear' - The Daily Telegraph. This will not be happening in F365 Towers, which is a relief for everyone.

Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter: Lolly. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at theeditor@football365.com, putting Mediawatch in the subject field.