Compo
Uncle Ken Bates is rarely a man to keep quiet. We're always torn between a desire for him to shut the hell up and the wondrous prospect of him saying something quite ridiculous.
His latest thoughts swing towards the latter, and they concern one Luke Garbutt, a 16-year-old Leeds youth team product who has become the latest to decide that a Premier League club are a better bet than a third division one, and has agreed to join Everton.
"We are dissatisfied," harumphed Papa Smurf. "We're chasing the matter with the Football League and the Premier League and we're seeking substantial compensation.
"The days of nicking Leeds players and paying peanuts are over. We are determined to be adequately compensated for the work we are doing in our academy."
Peanuts eh? The last time Ken got his knickers in a terrible twist about a big club pinching two of his youngsters was when a couple of lads named Michael Woods and Tom Taiwo rejected the 'chance' to stay at Leeds and instead moved to Chelsea in 2006.
After Leeds threatened to take Chelsea to the courts about their pilfering, the then still financially profligate Blues decided to sod that for a game of soldiers, and stump up between £4million and £5million for the pair, depending on which report you believe.
Given that Taiwo was last seen departing on loan to Carlisle and Woods has played a grand total of 23 minutes for Chelsea in the three seasons since he joined, it sounds like Leeds were rather more than adequately compensated for their 'work' in bringing through two such quality players.
Contempt
Interesting stuff from Steven Howard in this morning's Sun.
He seems to be straying from the crowd by sticking up for Cristiano Ronaldo.
Howard writes: 'Yet the man contemptuously dismissed by some as a sort of low-life estate agent - Whinger, Winker and W*nker - has been extremely gracious in his tributes to MAnchester United, Alex Ferguson, his former teammates and Old Trafford fans.'
Contemptuously dismissed eh? Some people are just so rude. People like the author of this piece from The Sun on October 20 last year: 'While Cristiano Ronaldo seems weighed down by the fall-out from the summer's Real Madrid transfer saga, Wayne Rooney looks a new man...For two years, almost from the moment he was sent off (with some connivance from the Winker) at Germany 2006, Rooney has been blowing hot and cold in Ronaldo's slipstream.'
We're sure you don't need us to reveal the identity of the writer in question.
Ever Decreasing Value
Wrote Alan Nixon EXCLUSIVELY! in The Daily Mirror on June 27: 'Spurs chairman Daniel Levy is demanding a staggering £18million for Darren Bent. New Sunderland boss Steve Bruce wants to make the striker his first signing at The Stadium of Light. But Levy's huge valuation is putting him off and also making life difficult for Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp, who needs the sale before he can buy new talent of his own.'
Writes Alan Nixon EXCLUSIVELY in The Daily Mirror today: 'Sunderland boss Steve Bruce has made a club record £12million bid for Darren Bent - but Tottenham are holding out for £16m...Spurs supremo Daniel Levy is keen to get his money back on Bent, who arrived from Charlton two years ago for £16.5m.'
Larceny
Said Glen Johnson after his unveiling by Liverpool yesterday.
"The boys did fantastically well last year. Hopefully we can now get a few more points and steal it from Manchester United."
Let's hope he does a better job than with that bog seat, eh?
Update
FAO Chris Morgan: Iain Hume was in the crowd for Barnsley's first pre-season game last night. However, despite him returning to training he's not yet ready for a proper first-team game.
These skull fractures do take quite a while to heal.
Maths With The Tangoman
Said Phil Brown this morning:
"There are substantial bids on the table for four players, one being Fraizer Campbell and the other being Bobby Zamora."
Errr, what?
Things Fall Apart
Said Mark Wotte on Sky Sports News yesterday afternoon when asked whether he would stay on as Southampton manager:
"I just signed a contract as manager of Southampton, so I don't think that's even a question."
Said a statement on the Southampton Official Website yesterday evening:
'Southampton Football Club can confirm that Mark Wotte has left the club...Our decision is part of a wider strategic plan being implemented to improve all aspects of the club's operations, both on and off the field.'
Anonymity And Fire Damage
Couple of nuggets from the ever-reliable BBC Gossip Column this morning.
Firstly, they report: 'Transfer-listed Leeds striker has revealed he wants to secure a dream move to Newcastle. (Daily Star)'
Very nice of the Beeb to keep those embarrassing aspirations anonymous.
Also: 'US President Barack Obama seemed distinctly unimpressed as he was presented with a singed Brazil shirt by the country's leader Luiz Inacio da Silva.'
We're not surprised really - would you accept a fire-damaged gift?
Maybe He'll Make Friends With Ashley Young
Arsenal fans may have seen reports emanating from Argentina linking them with Valencia midfielder Ever Banega.
This gives us an excuse to trot out one of our favourite stories of recent years.
Reported AFP on January 8 2008: 'Troubled Spanish side Valencia were hit by a new controversy on Tuesday after it emerged that the club's new teenage Argentine midfielder Ever Banega has appeared naked in a webcam chat video.
'The nearly six-minute-long footage was posted on Argentine video-sharing site Subiteya.com and the number of hits it has received has soared since the 19-year-old signed with Valencia from Argentina's Boca Juniors over the weekend, sports daily Marca reported on Tuesday.
'In the clip, which carries the title "Banega, grande desde siempre" or "Banega, always big", the player can be seen chatting over his computer with someone for several minutes before committing a sexual act.'
Way To Kiss Up To The New Gaffer
Said Jermaine Pennant on his move to Real Zaragoza:
"I wanted to come to Spain and I had offers from important teams in Europe but joined Real Zaragoza."
Good start.
Put Down Of The Day
"I hope City become a big club" - Daniel Sturridge puts his old employers in their place.
Belly Laughs
Feeling down? Blue? Under the weather? Life getting you down? Pecker up skipper, and cheer yourself up by watching Sepp Blatter fall over.
You Trippin'
They say some managers kick every ball, but Mexico coach Jaiver Aguirre seems to have taken things just a little too far.
Rumour Of The Day
'Which Manchester United star swapped eight tickets to the Champions League final with someone in return for 10 seats to see Michael Jackson at 02?' - Popbitch.
Non-Football Speculation Of The Day
'David Cameron could be a direct descendant of Moses, a Jewish scholar has suggested. Political commentators have long known that the Conservative Party leader's paternal great-great-grandfather was a Jewish immigrant who became a successful businessman. But Yaakov Wise, a research fellow at the University of Manchester Centre for Jewish Studies, has traced the politician's ancestry back to Elijah Levita, an eminent 16th-century Jewish scholar. Dr Wise's study of archival material also suggests that Mr Cameron, who has described himself as an "enthusiastic friend of the Jewish people", could be a direct descendant of Moses...
'Dr Wise has traced the family's ancestral line back to Elijah Levita, 1469-1549, a central figure in the "Christian Hebraist" movement, who pioneered Hebrew and Yiddish linguistic research at the time of the Tudors. The name Levita is the Latin form of Levite, meaning a Jew descended from the tribe of Levi, the son of Jacob, and one of the original 12 tribes of Israel. Dr Wise acknowledges, however, that Mr Cameron's connection to Moses, who led his people out of slavery in Egypt, is less certain, describing his thesis as historical whimsy' - The Times.
Naive Mother Of The Day
'A woman is suing an Egyptian hotel claiming her daughter got pregnant - from using the swimming pool. Magdalena Kwiatkowska's 13-year-old returned to Poland from their holiday expecting a baby. Magdalena believes the teenager conceived from stray sperm after taking a dip in the hotel's mixed pool. She is now seeking compensation from the hotel. A travel industry source said: "The mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there. "She is determined to go ahead with the case." Tourist authorities in Warsaw, Poland, have confirmed they received the bizarre complaint' - The Sun.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters: Nick Stafford, James Dall, Reece 'Hat-trick' Killworth, Colm Byrne and William Bowers. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at theeditor@football365.com, putting Mediawatch in the subject field.
