Mediawatch

Engaging AND Perceptive
As you know, ESPN broadcast their first live Premier League game on Saturday, striking gold with Arsenal's boning of Everton.

And their coverage was, you know, okay. It was all right. Passable.

However, The Daily Mirror's Darren Lewis was rather more fulsome in his praise for their coverage, in particular the chaps in the studio.

'The chummy Ray Stubbs eased us in with his bloke-ish charm while his pundits - Everton and Arsenal legends Peter Reid and Ian Wright - were engaging and perceptive.'

Whoa, let us just stop you there Darren - engaging AND perceptive?

This would be the same Wright who referred to "us", "we" and "our" throughout when discussing Arsenal, reasoned that Thomas Vermaelen would be "half-decent" purely on the basis that Arsene Wenger had bought him (Igor Stepanovs? Abou Diaby? Amaury Bischoff?) and cleverly picked out Robin van Persie as their man to watch, commenting he "should really be stamping his mark on games".

Perceptive indeed.


Influential
Incidentally, Mr Lewis was recently named as one of the 30 most influential black people in football.

The list, compiled by The Voice newspaper, while commendably lauding the work of campaigners like chairman of 'Kick It Out' Lord Ouseley, was split into six categories, including 'Media' (which funnily enough featured The Voice's sports editor), 'Administration' and 'Commercial'.

Depressingly, they could find no room for 'Players', with Rio Ferdinand making the list under the 'Commercial' banner.


Wrong Ground
Mediawatch has always wondered if Shaun Custis has been watching the same game as everybody else, if some of his match reports for The Sun are anything to go by.

And we might have discovered why. According to his byline in today's paper, instead of shuffling across London to watch Chelsea beat Hull, he went all the way up to the KC Stadium to see the game.

It explains an awful lot.


A Few Days Late...
In all the excitement about the impending new season on Friday, we clean forgot to have a look at the season's first exciting preview by Mark Lawrenson.

Don't worry though, he came up with a belter to kick the season off in fine style.

On Wolves, he commented: 'In Mick McCarthy, they have a manager who knows what it takes to stay in the Premier League.'

Hmmm. If Mick does know, he's keeping it to himself, as in his only previous full season in the top flight with Sunderland, McCarthy finished stone bottom with 15 points


The Frozen North
The Daily Mirror are clearly happy with Stan Collymore. So happy in fact, that they've promoted his weekly column from a half to a full page in their Monday morning 'Mania' pull-out.

It's not entirely clear why though. Stan fills his few hundred words with some impressive bulls**t, explaining exactly why Arsenal won't win the league with the following oft-repeated myth:

'They have the qualities to genuinely beat any football team on the planet by that margin, whether it is a club side or national team.

'But you just know come November and December on a cold night up north they are liable to succumb to defeat away from home.'

Last season Arsenal lost as many games in their balmy home stadium as they did in the snowy tundra otherwise known as 'The North', intrepid excursions that also included results such as a 4-0 win over Blackburn, 3-1 win over Hull, a 3-1 win over Newcastle, a 0-0 draw against Manchester United, a 4-4 draw with Liverpool and a 3-1 win against Bolton.


Linked
From F365's 'Big Season For...Part 2' posted on August 14:

'The good news for Gordon is that Steve Bruce seems to have some amount of confidence in him. He has neither signed another keeper nor been significantly linked with one, which either means he has faith in Gordon, or reckons Martin Fulop is a perfectly convincing alternative.'

From F365's Gossip Column on August 14:

'Sunderland boss Steve Bruce is after Portsmouth duo David James and Sylvain Distin and is also chasing Lucas Neill.'


The Big Announcement
"I have made up my mind, I want to leave. It will be Real or nothing. I am waiting to see how things will evolve. Then, I would like to have a talk with Bayern's hierarchy" - Franck Ribery, July 2.

"I never said I wanted to go to Real Madrid. If I had wanted to leave, I would have made an announcement. What bothers me is that I have never spoken about it. I cannot stop clubs making offers. It was not just Real - there was also Barcelona, Manchester (United) and Chelsea. What I can tell them is that today I am still at Bayern. The door was well and truly closed" - Franck Ribery, August 16.


Doom/Gloom
You'll probably have spotted over the weekend that David Beckham was sent off in a questionable decision while playing for the LA Galaxy.

'Things not getting any better for Beckham' droned Sky Sports News on Sunday, giving the impression that Beckham and the Galaxy have been lurching from one calamity to another.

Hmmm. Not quite. The loss to Seattle on Saturday was the first time LA had lost in seven league games, just their fourth defeat so far this season (from 21 games) and they currently sit in third place in the 'Western Standings'.


Misleading Headline Of The Day
'Kenyan renews Chelsea goat offer'- The BBC Website. Misspelled, but we got excited for a second.

Quote Of The Day
"When you throw yourself into that kind of tackle there's a chance you're going to get sent off. He's been in enough rodeos to know that" - LA coach Bruce Arena reacts to Beckham's red in baffling fashion.

Sage Appraisal Of The Day
"It will be a case of one of the big four dropping out" - David Platt earns his money when discussing the possibility of Manchester City disrupting the top boys.

Homo-Erotic Report Of The Weekend
'Rodallega was beyond doubt the star of the show, tall, broad-shouldered with pipe-thin legs; but what legs!' - From Brian Glanville's report of the Villa v Wigan game in The Sunday Times.

Non-Football Secret Keepers Of The Weekend
'This selection panel is watertight with its information, and the only leaks yesterday related to the lunch order: cheese sarnies and wedges with salsa dip' reported The Times on Saturday of the meeting of the England cricket selectors.

Watertight indeed. Which is presumably why both The BBC and The Guardian knew the correct squad 24 hours before it was announced on Sunday morning.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Religious leaders in India are baffled by a bizarre new transvestite cult for men to live as a Hindu love god. Thousands of devotees are now dressing up as Radha - the goddess lover of Krishna - like retired railwayman V K Saxena, 72. "I can't put it into words properly but I feel more holy dressed as a woman," said Saxena of New Delhi. The Lord told me he wanted me as his bride." But the cult has astonished traditional religious leaders. Senior priest Mohammad Ahangar said: "There are many ways to be closer to the Lord without trying to be his girlfriend" - Ananova.

Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Pete Smith and Gary Fentiman. If you spot anything that belongs on this page please send to the usual address - theeditor@football365.com