F365 Features

No place for David Bellion, Karim Bagheri and Winston Bogarde in this list but there are some mighty fine players beginning with B. We'd pay big to see Beardo play alongside Bergkamp...

Goalkeeper: Fabien Barthez
Well, it was either him or Espen Baardsen. Mark Bosnich and Raimond van der Gouw had both already failed to replace Peter Schmeichel when Sir Alex decided to pay £7.8m for the baldy-headed custodian for the world and European champions. He was by turns brilliant and ridiculous - our favourite moment being his 'stop' gesture to Paolo Di Canio when he thought the Italian was offside. The unflappable Italian, of course, just scored. But did he win two Premier League titles? No, that was the clown stood there with his hand in the air.

Right-back: Wes Brown
One of the most decorated players in modern English football (five titles, two Champions Leagues, two FA Cups and a League Cup) despite just about everyone outside of Old Trafford thinking he is distinctly average. Never a first choice at right-back or centre-half until he started making noises about leaving Man United in the summer of 2007 - the very next season he played over 50 games as The Neviller was sidelined. Can't pass the ball more than about seven yards but that's proved to be less of a bar to international football than you might expect.

Centre-half: Gudni Bergsson
A legend in Bolton, the Icelander played 270 league games for Bolton in an eight-year spell and he cost less than £100,000. Discarded by Tottenham, he was playing a trial game for Crystal Palace reserves in 1995 when he was spotted by then-Trotters boss Bruce Rioch. In 2003 - at the age of 37 - he finally wrenched himself away from the club to take up a career in law. A true gent and, by all accounts, a very lovely man.

Centre-half: Steve Bruce
Although his best years were behind him when football officially began in 1992, he deserves his place in this list because his two-goal salvo against Sheffield Wednesday helped United win the first ever Premier League (he would go on to win two more winner's medals before taking a big fat cheque to join First Division Birmingham). He also deserves his place on this list because the alternatives were Jean-Alain Boumsong and T*tf*** Bumble.

Left-back: Gareth Barry
Celestine Babayaro and Wayne Bridge were both good options here but Gaz Baz gets the nod because of over ten years of sterling service to the Villa, playing 365 (nice number) Premier League games in just about every position on the pitch. Remember when he was a promising centre-half? Never failed to put in the hard yards even when he patently did not want to be playing his football with Villa last season. He wanted Champions League football, you see. Hmmmm.

Right midfield: David Beckham
Remember when he was a Premier League footballer? He was rather good too, regardless of what the re-writers of football history would have you believe. He collected six titles and 62 goals as Sir Alex Ferguson built his team around two rather handy young wingers. He even used to score the odd goal from open play, with one rather famous punt against Wimbledon becoming a staple of highlights reels. As much as we like Yossi Benayoun, there was really only one candidate for this position.

Central midfield: Nicky Butt
We were torn between Butt and David Batty but eventually ruled out the latter on the grounds that his finest hour came pre-Premier League and, frankly, because he played for Leeds. Butt has probably never been anybody's favourite player - except perhaps the odd tabloid headline-writer - but his attitude has always commanded the utmost respect. Along with Phil Neville, he gained extra kudos for actually leaving United and all the guaranteed medals to seek first-team football elsewhere before it was too late. And then there's extra kudos piled on top for standing by and watching Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer scrap as the goody-goody Gareth Barry intervened.

Left midfield: John Barnes
The real swashbuckling Barnes was in his pomp before 1992 but as he got older and slower he played a key role for Liverpool - usually stood inside the centre circle nonchalantly playing the ball around as the likes of Steve McManaman and Robbie Fowler did the running. And he still found time for those Lucozade adverts ("After 90 minutes of pure hell..."). His final bow came at Charlton, when he practically had to be carried onto the pitch on a gold-plated sedan.

In the hole: Peter Beardsley
Shout the words "Rob Lee...phone," in a Beardo style and you will be magically transported back in time to the early years of F365 when this was an oft-heard catchphrase, inspired by one man's two-second contact with Beardsley back in the days when footballers used to answer the phone at the club's training ground. That aside, wasn't he fantastic? As skilful as he was ugly, Beardo was the man who almost won Newcastle the Premier League title and formed a partnership with Andy Cole that ranks amongst the best in the competition's history.

Striker: Dennis Bergkamp
Eleven seasons, 316 league games, 91 league goals (most of them glorious), three Premier League titles, four FA Cups. Along with Gianfranco Zola, Dennis Bergkamp is the name to fire back at all the Little Englanders who claim that foreign footballers have ruined English football. Alongside Arsene Wenger, Bergkamp changed the way that Arsenal played - bringing beauty where previously there had only been brutality. Only the most one-eyed Man United or Spurs fan could deny that he - like Thierry Henry - was an absolute pleasure to watch.

Striker: Dimitar Berbatov
The closest thing we have to Bergkamp in today's Premier League. We're not saying he's the Dutchman's equal, but he certainly has a similarly impressive first touch and capacity to produce something extraordinary. Two 23-goal seasons for Spurs earned him that big-money move and we're certainly not judging him after one lukewarm season. He might infuriate with his lackadaisical style, but since when did we judge footballers purely on their work ethic?

Sarah Winterburn