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F365 Features

F365`s Top Ten Unfashionable Englishmen

Posted 23/11/09 15:09
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We've put a list together of ten English players who are in the form of their lives but who wouldn't get to the World Cup unless swine flu wiped out about 27 players. They're not at sexy clubs...


10) Phil Bardsley (Sunderland)
Steve Bruce made no secret of the fact that he was looking for a right-back this summer but it's unlikely to be his priority this January as former United trainee Bardsley has done a steady if unspectacular job for a side threatening to push into the top eight. Darren Bent might have had tongue firmly in cheek when he told a fellow Twitterer to watch Glen Johnson and Bardsley for full-back tips, but the 23-year-old has let nobody down this season - looking comfortable against old club Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal.


9) Bobby Zamora (Fulham)
"Bobby does the same kind of role as Emile Heskey," said Clint Dempsey last week. "He didn't get a lot of goals last season but he helped create a lot of chances and it's great to play with him. Guys like him who hold the ball up are underrated." Like Heskey, Zamora is rarely given credit by critics but he's clearly one of those players who the likes of Andy Johnson and Dempsey love to play alongside. But this season he's actually scored five goals - already eclipsing last season's total. Just think, the poor sod could have been playing for Hull now...


8) Tyrone Mears (Burnley)
While at Derby, Mears made his claim to be an England right-back and we counted somewhere in the region of 11 players above him in the pecking order. That figure has probably dropped closer to seven or eight as Mears has been a quiet revelation for the Clarets this season. No other defender has provided so many Premier League assists this season (four) as he revels in the cover offered by Graham Alexander to burst forward. Boss Owen Coyle has been touting him for an England call despite him erroneously playing for Jamaica (he believed his father was from there, but it turns out he was from Sierra Leone) in a friendly earlier this year. Although he's certainly been decent, we still don't expect Fabio Capello will be waiting by the fax machine for the go-ahead from FIFA.


7) Robbie Blake (Burnley)
If you'd told Robbie Blake after his relegation from the Championship with Leeds in 2007 that he would be scoring the winning goal against Manchester United in the Premier League at the age of 33 he would probably have p***ed himself laughing. But Blake is not only playing in the top flight with the Clarets, but holding his own. He doesn't half put in the yards for a 33-year-old who looked little more than a journeyman for much of his career, but then you could say the same about many of Owen Coyle's unlikely heroes. The question remains though: will he look this sharp the other side of the festive fixtures?


6) Matty Etherington (Stoke)
Much was expected of a winger who had played in the same England Under-20 side as Ashley Cole and Peter Crouch, but he wilted under the spotlight at Tottenham and many thought he had found his level in the Championship with West Ham. After suffering a gambling addiction that saw him rack up £800,000 of debts, he found himself in the shadows at Upton Park and in need of a smaller stage. He's found a home at Stoke, where his pace gives the Potters a much-needed outlet that has reaped four assists in his last six games. Astonishingly, he's still only 28.


5) Roger Johnson (Birmingham)
Hands up, I got this one wrong - before the season I questioned the wisdom of throwing the all-Championship defensive pairing of Roger Johnson and Scott Dann into the deep end of the Premier League. Johnson had impressed me at Cardiff but I thought he might need an experienced leader to hold his hand. Little did I know that at just 26 and with no top-flight credentials, Johnson would become that leader - an ever-present part of a defence that has conceded fewer goals than everyone barring Chelsea, Manchester United and Aston Villa. Gary Cahill is good, but is he really better than Johnson?


4) Ryan Shawcross (Stoke)
Only four teams have conceded fewer goals than Stoke this season and one man has been immoveable at the heart of the Potters defence - playing every single minute for a creatively limited but difficult to beat side. Standing at a massive 6'5", Shawcross commands both areas and he has decent pace for a big man, while showing against Peter Crouch that he is not fazed by giant tasks. Surely an England international for the future, Shawcross is only 22 - a mere baby in centre-half terms.


3) Jimmy Bullard (Hull)
As daft as it was to spend £5m and club-high wages on a 30-year-old with a dodgy knee, that could look like a veritable bargain if Bullard continues to drive Hull onwards and save them from the relegation that would send them into a financial black hole. Bullard returned to the starting line-up when Phil Brown needed a miracle and duly provided the goods - inspiring the precious win over Stoke and then the comeback that earned a draw against West Ham. The enthusiasm that earned him England call-ups last year will not take him to the World Cup, but it might drag Hull out of the mire.


2) Lee Bowyer (Birmingham)
"For one reason or another they didn't want to extend my contract at West Ham," said Lee Bowyer this week after scoring his third Premier League goal of the season against Fulham. The 'one reason or another' is the fact that Bowyer was consistently rubbish at his boyhood club. In truth, Bowyer has not enjoyed this kind of form since the glory days of Leeds that briefly threatened to make him a £9m Liverpool player and did briefly make him an England international. Out of the spotlight at Birmingham, Bowyer has been busy reminding us that he can actually play football - flourishing either behind a lone striker or as part of a midfield four in Alex McLeish's over-achieving side.


1) David Dunn (Blackburn)
Ten years ago David Dunn was the 'new Gazza' and seven years ago he was called up by Sven-Goran Eriksson for his one and only England cap. Then he fell out with Graeme Souness, spent four injury-ravaged years with Birmingham and p***ed off Sam Allardyce by returning to Rovers despite a deal being agreed with Bolton. Injuries have rarely allowed Dunn to show his true potential but this season he is back to the form of 2002 under Allardyce, who has played him in either 'the Steven Gerrard role' or the left-hand side of midfield. The return has been five Premier League goals. Note the lung-busting charge for his strike against Bolton that proved his chubby, injury-plagued days are behind him.


Sarah Winterburn


Your Comments

weepyking

"Lee Bowyer in my opinion will be remembered as one of the best of his generation at what he does. A good old fashioned nasty footballer who takes no sh*t from anyone, even his own team mates. I salute him."

mike_christie

"markfrost, West Ham are something of a 'sexy' club, popular with influential media and FA figures, and with a reputation for developing decent talent. Being in London helps as lazy national journalists don't like all the hassle of actually having to travel!"

markfrost

"So if all these players were at "Sexy Clubs" they would get a chance would they? No of course not. Define a sexy club? Do Carlton Cole, Matt Upson and Robert Green play for a sexy club?"

rh6462

"Great article Sarah, brilliant to read something about us unfashionable sides- pleasantly surprised to see Bowyer and Johnson getting some credit!"

LukeSAFC

"Also if you were going to pick a Sunderland player then Jordan Henderson would be a good shout. I doubt many have heard of him but he's put in some very impressive displays and looks to be a very good player."

LukeSAFC

"As a Sunderland fan I can honestly say Phil Bardsley is absolute s**te. He is absolute dogs**te going forward and is too reckless defensively, although admittedly he has improved slightly under Bruce. I was shocked to see him on this list, our main weaknesses (and only real concerns at present) are both full backs."

bluenose69

"hallicks.......Bowyer's leg breaking antics?? If you review the footage, Modric fouls Bowyer and breaks his own leg. The ref even gave Blues the free kick???!??!!

No idea what you're on about there pal.

"

frank_spencer

"Zombie you are obviously not talking about the Matt Taylor at bolton as he's been lazy, ineffective and with a penchant for over hitting crosses."

ZombieNinja

"What about Matty Taylor at Bolton? Hardworking, Effective and with a perchant for spectacular goals and he has never got a look in for England, even though we are short of left footed midfielders. "

hallicks

"Forot to mention Bowyer's leg breaking antics - i.e. same old dirty player. "

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