The first day of my new life. I can't believe Robbie Fowler turned out not to be the missing piece of the jigsaw. I remember him being well good.
Not much to do this morning so I listen to one of the hottest new CDs around. Definitely Maybe is one of my albums of the year, and I'm in no doubt where I stand in the great Blur v Oasis debate.
Get a bit bored after a while so I fire up the Super Nintendo. Technology is AMAZING these days. Even better than Double Dragon in the arcade. I'm great at Sensible Soccer as well.
The wife tells me I better start looking for a new job and I'm just about to send out a few letters when she says that you can do that on the computer now. It takes me a while to type out- I started "downloading" a song off Napster last week and it's making the computer run a bit slow. This Pentium 133 was supposed to be state of the art as well.
The problem with the Premiership these days is that it's about instant results. When I played, it was about beauty and truth and giving yourself morale-boosting nicknames. People were more patient in them days: it took me years to invent 'The Guvnor'. That was the best nickname of Euro '96 where I was really good, as was Robbie - especially in the dentist's chair.
Nowadays, a lad's hardly got into the first team and he's having to come up with something imposing right away. Take my boy Keith Andrews. I got him in from MK Dons and it was a natural progression to put him straight into the Premiership. I suggested he try 'The Dominator" or "Mighty Shooter" as a nickname, but the lads would only address him as "That bloke from Division Four" or "Paul's little friend".
There was a lot said on Ceefax page 312 about how I lost the dressing room at Blackburn but that's not how it was. I knew exactly where that dressing room was. I've had lots of messages of support from the lads, mostly anonymous, with some typical teasing. "Thank f*** he's gone" is just once such example. We had a great spirit there.
So yeah. Have a bit of lunch and watch Neighbours. Funny that Kylie's not in it no more. Now it's just a case of sitting and waiting for the phone to ring, or maybe I'll get a telegram - or "text message", as they say nowadays.
Alan Tyers and John Nicholson
Your Comments
laffeyd
"bazbiaggi
"Why do so many people feel the need to write in saying it isnt funny.? Like its your god given right to be entertained...bloody attention seekers.!!!"
Why would you read something that's madeup if it wasn't funny! Muppet!! With this sort of thing I read the comments firstly and then decide if the article is worth reading. Obvious decision this time. Cheers for the comments"
soma
"yawn"
treeman
"then why do they put a "your comments" section? are we only allowed to comment if we think it's amazing? I think john and alan are grateful for my insightful comments, and they'll be inspired to try harder to please me next time. "
bazbiaggi
"Why do so many people feel the need to write in saying it isnt funny.? Like its your god given right to be entertained...bloody attention seekers.!!!"
lfc81
"what's the point of this?"
the_dude2
"hard to please some people isnt it? But this attempt wasnt very funny, please try harder next time. : )"
Krider
"Things that are from the 90s:
Super Nintendo
Ceefax
Oasis
Kylie Minogue (older still)
Old computers
Great, lets use them to make one point about Paul Ince, spread over 8 paragraphs.
Sorry guys - this is so far from the Roy Keane brilliance it's just ridiculous."
tiswaz
"Sorry lads, far from your best ones. Not that funny, felt a bit flat. Need improvement score on this one"
treeman
"satire's only good if it plays on genuine characteristics, so the gallas one was good because it took gallas's arrogance and childishness to extremes, same with roy keane's intense introspectiveness, but these are qualities which are much more recognisable in gallas and keane, than "being out of touch" is with paul ince. his managerial deficiencies were borne out of lack of experience, not being out of touch. "
saf17
"Two heads are better than one??? I DON'T THINK SO!!"
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