Cristiano Ronaldo? Nope. Wayne Rooney? Nah. David Bellion? That'd make more sense.
Are any of these lot available in January? Here are the key men for David Moyes over the last 15 years...
"My girl’s mad at me. She’s like 'Only I can bite you. Only I can grab your nipples.'" Erm...
"The guy who comes in and manages this team is sitting on a goldmine," says Tim Howard of Everton.
Giving grief to opposition players is deemed part and parcel, but having a pop at one of your own? Cold.
Nearly all of Chelsea's squad has regressed from last season, but which PL players have improved?
Spaniard Joel Robles will start against Middlesbrough in Capital One Cup. But that was planned.
Tim Howard says criticism from fans and the media "doesn't mean anything" and insists his record puts him up with the Premier League's best.
Rooney is the reigning 'unjustified undroppable' champion, but there are four contenders to his crown.
Joel Robles will be return to being Tim Howard's back-up again this weekend despite his Capital One Cup heroics for Everton.
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