Think AVB 'cracked' on Sunday? Read these tales of punching fans, 52 swear words, 15 uses of the c-word, 'The S**t Hits The Fan' and "youse are all f**king idiots"...
Being old isn't enough. Like red wine, cheese and Felicity Kendal, here are ten players who got better with age. The message is clear - being Italian helps...
10. Juan Pablo Carrizo - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8I7u9IlYJQ
If the 'How To Achieve At Football' manual covered advice as basic as not scoring own goals, it would probably read something like this: 1) Try not to score an own goal 2) Especially try not to score an own goal against your fiercest rivals 3) Especially especially try not to score an own goal against your fiercest rivals in their stadium 4) Especially especi...What the hell, Juan Pablo! With River Plate circling the drain in the Argentina Primera Division in 2011, Argentina international Carrizo could not have picked a worse time to gift Boca Juniors the opening goal in a 2-0 defeat at La Bombonera. Two months later River suffered the drop for the first time in their history, while the keeper spent the summer being roundly booed by fans at the Copa America before hot-footing his way to Italy.
9. Pierre Issa - http://youtu.be/FCgMgWexIuA?t=3m55s
Individually, Issa's two own goals in South Africa's 3-0 defeat to France are nothing special - we've all seen players stroke the ball into their own net when stretching to make a clearance. However, when you combine the defender's two strikes they take on a new significance. Add to that the fact that Issa was playing at the World Cup in the host nation's opening fixture and it doesn't really get much worse. Further evidence would suggest that he is just an incredibly unlucky individual.
8. Djimi Traore - http://youtu.be/A3V-SUM67z4?t=1m4s
Traore's calamitous own goal in Liverpool's 1-0 FA Cup defeat to Burnley seems more consistent with his spell at Anfield than memories of the left-back lifting the Champions League trophy in 2005. It's strange to think that a player could inflict such embarrassment on himself and his team and yet only five months later play a key role in a Champions League final victory against AC Milan. You might say that Traore had the last laugh, but one viewing of his beautiful pirouette at Turf Moor continues to say otherwise.
7. Lee Dixon - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpSo1aciPqU
Before he began working alongside Adrian Chiles, the nadir of Dixon's career was his pefectly executed lob on David Seaman in Arsenal's home defeat to Coventry in 1991. Setting a high bar for imitations from Nayim and Ronaldinho, Dixon calmly collected the ball in his own half before looping it towards his own goal. Probably the most enjoyable aspect of this blooper is the way Dixon begins nonchalantly jogging towards the half-way line before it suddenly dawns on him that his ludicrously over-hit back-pass is about to sail into the net.
6. Iain Dowie - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im_sME-zlQA
It's impossible to watch Dowie's bullet header against his own West Ham team and not think it was intentional. For a brief moment, the striker seems to completely lose his bearings as he pops up at the back post and arrows the ball into the corner. Dowie's strike sealed an embarrassing 2-1 League Cup defeat to Stockport and, although it can't be seen on the video, fans who attended Edgeley Park that night suggested there was even the faint hint of a celebration before Dowie realised what he had done.
5. Pavol Durica - http://youtu.be/FCgMgWexIuA?t=2m7s
There is never a good time to score an own goal, but there are times when the impact is reduced, such as a late clanger in a 5-1 victory. Conversely, there are times when you really, really don't want to hit the back of your own net; Issa's double-whammy for South Africa, for example, or Jamie Carragher's dancing feet in the 2006 FA Cup final, or how about immediately after your keeper has just saved a last-minute penalty to seemingly send a cup quarter-final into extra-time? From an incredible high to a devastating low, courtesy of Pavol Durica.
4. Tony Popovic - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP3jbpcCo2E
In terms of pure unintentional skill, there are few own goals more delightful than Popovic's deft flick in Crystal Palace's 3-1 defeat to Portsmouth. Perhaps taking lessons from his manager at the time, Iain Dowie, the no-nonsense Australian defender provided a rare astounding moment of nonsense as he guided the ball over the despairing Julian Speroni and into the top corner. It was probably the cutest touch of Popovic's career, and the fine strike turned out to be his only goal of the season.
3. Wayne Hatswell - http://youtu.be/A3V-SUM67z4?t=48s
The beauty of Hatwell's thunderb*stard is the brief pause he takes to compose himself just before rifling the ball into the top corner. He didn't want to mess up that clearance. No Siree. Not when he knew FA Cup highlights would be broadcast to the nation that evening. This was a rare opportunity for Hatswell to shine, to show his composure under pressure, to put himself in the shop window...to not blast the ball into his own net from two yards out.
2. Chris Brass- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ds0wEBKuxv8
After watching Brass leave himself red-faced in Bury's match against Darlington, it's enjoyable to imagine how he would try to explain the incident to a friend. "So, how was the match today?" "Pretty crap - I scored an own goal." "Nightmare. How did that happen?" "Well, I kicked the ball into my face and it flew into the net." "Sorry, you kicked the ball into your face?" "Yes." Still, at least Bury went on the win the game.
1. Jamie Pollock - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWNjWfIHXL4
Although there are some fantastic own goals on this list, none rival the finesse of Pollock's beautiful finish for QPR against Man City. Normally, own goals happen instantly - the result of a wicked deflection or a desperate attempt to clear - but the skill and time involved in Pollock's finish is what makes it so enjoyable. It's the Paul Gascoigne v Scotland of own goals. Not only did the midfielder suffer the embarrassment of making such a dreadful error, but his strike also condemned City to relegation to the third tier of English football for the first time in their history. Later that year, QPR fans voted Pollock 'the most influential man in the last 2000 years' in an internet poll, but he accepted the result in good humour. "Jesus came second, apparently," said Pollock. "It was cruel of QPR fans to vote for me because that own goal was the lowest point of my career, but I certainly had a laugh when I heard about the poll."
Matt Stanger - he's on the Twitter.