F365s Top Ten Footballing Insults

After Alan Pardew went with the poetic "Shut your noise, you f*cking old c***," Daniel Storey looks at ten other classic football insults. People sure are mean to each other...

Last Updated: 13/01/14 at 15:52 Post Comment

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10) Dave Jones On Carlton Palmer

Then the manager of Southampton, David Jones made his feelings about Palmer pretty clear.

"He covers every blade of grass, but that's only because his first touch is cr*p."

Given that Jones had signed Palmer himself from Leeds for £1million, it didn't really reflect brilliantly on either player or manager.


9) Eric Cantona On Didier Deschamps

In offering disparaging remarks on his French international team-mate Didier Deschamps, Cantona remembered the notion that the well-worded insult can be even more powerful than the foul-mouthed.

"Deschamps gets by because he always gives 100 per cent, but he will never be anything more than a water carrier. You can find players like him on every street corner."

Deschamps was understandably less than pleased at the review. "How many players can you find on street corners who have won two European Cups?" was his retort, and it's a fair point. Unless you live around the corner from Kenny Burns or Steve Ogrizovic, that is.


8) David Beckham To Referee Turienzo Alvarez

Seven minutes before half-time in a match that Real Madrid were losing 2-0 to Real Murcia in 2004, David Beckham tackled Luis Garcia, and was penalised for a foul. Clearly annoyed by the decision, the England captain gave referee Turienzo Alvarez a piece of his pigeon Spanish vocabulary.

"Hijo de puta" was the insult, meaning son of a w**re, an outburst for which Beckham received a straight red card.

Speaking after the match, Becks claimed innocence. "I didn't realise what I had said was that bad. I had heard a few of my team-mates say the same before me."

Given Beckham's intellectual might, we can probably just about believe that.


7) Jose Mourinho On Arsene Wenger

Mourinho is a man with a rather busy history of arsey quotes, and when Arsenal manager Wenger commented on Chelsea's 1-1 draw at Everton and the League Cup loss to Charlton, claiming Jose's side would have "lost big belief", the Portuguese responded in rather bizarre fashion.

"I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur," said Mourinho.

"He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families."

When questioned last month about whether he regretted making the comments, Jose stuck by his words. Presumably because doing anything else would require a degree of humility.


6) Georgi Hristov On Barnsley's Women

Macedonian Georgie Hristov had already revealed his homesickness in 1998, but less than a year after joining from Partizan Belgrade the 21-year-old rather burnt his bridges with the South Yorkshire town in an interview with a Belgrade sports magazine.

"I'm finding it difficult to find a girlfriend in Barnsley, or indeed settle into a decent way of life," Hristov admitted.

"The local girls are far uglier than the ones back in Belgrade or Skopje, the capital of Macedonia, where I come from.

"Our women are much prettier. Besides, they don't drink as much beer as the Barnsley girls, which is something I don't like at all."

What an absolutely dreadful man.


5) Ramon Calderon And Alex Ferguson To Each Other

Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon was always likely to rile Sir Alex with his 2008 words over the future of Cristiano Ronaldo, claiming that United should be "happy and proud [to be part of] the transfer of the century."

By December, the response had arrived, with Fergie making his feelings clear to the press: "You don't think we'd get into a contract with that mob, do you? Jesus Christ. I wouldn't sell them a virus."

By April 2009, with a deal looming ever closer, Calderon labelled Ferguson as a "tormented soul" after the Scot had claimed the Real Madrid bigwig was nothing more than a "buried dinosaur."

Can't you two just play nicely?


4) Joe Kinnear To Various Journalists

There's only so much space, but you deserve it in full.

"Which one is Simon Bird? You're a c***. Which one is Niall Hickman You are out of order. Absolutely f****** out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can f*** off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that f****** crap. No f****** way, lies. F***, you're saying I turned up and they f***** off."

"You are trying to f****** undermine my position already. F*** off. F*** off. It's your last f****** chance. It is none of your f****** business. What the f*** are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a f****** manager. F****** day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you? What are you? My personal secretary? F*** off."

"I was meeting the f****** chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things. It is going to my f****** lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not f****** about. I don't talk to f****** anybody. Everything I f****** say or do. It is raking up stories. You are f****** so f****** slimy you're are raking up players that I got rid of."

Shakespeare and Wordsworth were unavailable for comment.


3) Marco Materazzi To Zinedine Zidane

It was the quote that ended a career in disgrace. Zinedine had already become just the fourth man to score in two World Cup finals when the game headed into extra time. The Frenchman went up for a challenge with Marco Materazzi, who he then accused of pulling his shirt.

After being sarcastically offered Zidane's shirt, Materazzi responded personally. "I prefer the w**re that is your sister," he said. And then the red mist came down, acting as the curtain to a quite wonderful career.


2) Roy Keane To Mick McCarthy

Originally (and predictably) intended as the number one pick, we all knew that Roy Keane was rather, shall we say, unhinged, but the lead-up to the 2002 World Cup in Japan and South Korea rather proved it.

After declaring himself dissatisfied with the facilities at Ireland's Saipan resort, where they were preparing for the World Cup, and announced he would be returning home. After being questioned by McCarthy over an article in the Irish Times in which both the manager and team were criticised. Keane took it rather well.

"Mick, you're a liar ... you're a f***ing w***er. I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager, and I don't rate you as a person. You're a f***ing w***er and you can stick your World Cup up you're a*se. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are the manager of my country and you're not even Irish you English c***." You can stick it up your b*llocks."


1) Maradona On His Own Children

El Diego could have had his own top ten in fairness, and there were plenty of possible contenders. Like his rant against journalists ("To those who did not believe: now suck my d*ck - I'm sorry ladies for my words - and keep on sucking it.", "You lot take it up the a*se"), or his hatred of Pele ("A doll that's being moved by remote control") and the United States ("I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength").

However, all those pale into insignificance when you consider the following words Maradona made against HIS OWN CHILDREN:

"My legitimate kids are Dalma and Giannina. The rest are a product of my money and mistakes."

That leaves (at least) two individuals publicly labelled as mistakes by their own father. We just can't stop laughing at that astounding lack of shame and self-awareness of the man. His own children.

Daniel Storey. Please don't call him any of those words on Twitter

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